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It's been 1 year since Apple TV+ began, and I have watched every one of their shows (except the kids stuff)! Here's my ranking...[No Spoilers]

2020.11.01 09:17 BruteSentiment It's been 1 year since Apple TV+ began, and I have watched every one of their shows (except the kids stuff)! Here's my ranking...[No Spoilers]

In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.
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2020.11.01 09:17 BruteSentiment It's been 1 year since Apple TV+ began, and I have watched every one of their shows (except the kids stuff)! Here's my ranking... [No Spoilers]

In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.
submitted by BruteSentiment to tvPlus [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 00:47 Stoaticor Victoria records 28 new cases and 8 new deaths

New cases reported in the last 24 hours

 
DHHS: Media Release - Thursday, 17 September
 
17th September:
Total cases New case average Unknown*
Metropolitan 621 44.4 83
Regional 41 2.9 1
 
16th September:
Total cases New case average Unknown*
Metropolitan 694 49.6 81
Regional 49 3.5 1
*Rolling 14 days number of cases of unknown source of acquisition.
For previous available numbers, please refer to the wiki here.
 

Cases to date

Last 24 hours TOTAL
Confirmed cases +28 19,970 (-1)*
Active -56 947
Recovered +64 18,217
Deaths +8 745
Aged care (deaths) +6 585
Community transmission -6 4,272
Test results received +14,247 2,535,134
Hospital -10 97
ICU +1 12
Ventilated +0 6
*1 previous case reclassified.
 

Active cases breakdown

Last 24 hours TOTAL
Active -56 947
Metropolitan Melbourne -41 907
Regional Victoria -4 33
Colac Otway -4 16
Greater Geelong +0 3
Greater Bendigo +0 1
Ballarat +0 0
Unknown/Under investigation 2
Interstate +1 5
Overseas +0 0
 

Other

Last 24 hours TOTAL
Total aged care active -33 464
Healthcare workers active -9 143
Healthcare workers total +6 3,461
Disability accom. residents -2 0
Disability accom. staff -2 2

Active cases - aged care

Outbreak Suburb LGA Last 24 hours Residents / Hospitalised Staff TOTAL active Known deaths Reported
Estia Health Keilor Downs Brimbank - 4 / 1 4 8 Unknown Sept: 15
Baptcare Wyndham Lodge Werribee Wyndham - 12 / 13 34 59 22 Sept: 15, 13, 11, 9, 8, 7
Baptcare Brookview Westmeadows Hume - 4 / 4 5 13 1 Sept: 15, 13, 11, 8, 7
Jewish Care Windsor Port Phillip - 0 / 0 5 5 2 Sept: 12, 11, 9, 8, 7
Estia Health Keysborough Dandenong - 8 / 4 13 21 Unknown Sept: 15, 8, 4
Doutta Galla Aged Services Woornack Sunshine - 13 / 2 6 19 Unknown Sept: 7, 4
 

Active cases - other

Type Outbreak Suburb LGA Last 24 hours TOTAL active TOTAL cases Reported by DHHS
OTHER Casey community Hallam/Narre Warren Casey +14 33 34 Sept: 17, 14, 11.
HEALTH Footscray Hospital Footscray Maribyrnong +1 13 15 (+2) Sept: 16, 15
OTHER Vawdrey Australia Truck Manufacturer - - +0 9 64 Sept: 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7.
OTHER Dandenong Police Station Dandenong Dandenong +0 5 16 (+1) Sept: 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7.
EDU Wydinia Kindergarten Colac Colac Otway -2 6 16 Sept: 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12,
OTHER Bulla Dairy Foods Colac Colac -2 8 20 Sept: 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7.
HEALTH Frankston Hospital Frankston Frankston - 6 90 Sept: 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7.
HEALTH Royal Melbourne Hospital Royal Park campus Parkville Melbourne - 10 unknown Sept: 7.
OTHER JBS Brookyln Brooklyn Brimbank - 19 unknown Sept: 6.
 

⚠️High-risk locations as of 16/09

The table below was last updated at 16:13:47 PM on Wednesday, 16 September. Please view the DHHS website for the most up to date information.
RECENT CHANGES:
  • ADDED 2 locations: KFC Westgate Port, Melbourne & Provans Mitre 10, Clifton Hill.
  • REMOVED: None.
  • Points to note: None.
Location Site Exposure period Reported by DHHS
Westgate Port Melbourne KFC 11/09/2020 & 12/09/2020 Sept: 16
Clifton Hill Provans Mitre 10 10/09/2020 Sept: 16
Altona North Woolworths 04/09/2020 Sept: 15, 11
Craigieburn Craigieburn Shopping Centre 11/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14
Dandenong Dandenong Police Complex, Dandenong 25/08– 3/9 Sept: 15, 14, 11, 10, 9, 7, 6.
Deer Park/Southern Cross 6.00am V/Line Train Deer Park Station to Southern Cross Station, 3.45pm V/Line Train Southern Cross Station to Deer Park Station 02/09/2020 - 05/09/2020 & 07/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14, 11, 10, 9.
Glen Waverly Woolworths, Glen Waverley “The Glen” 06/09/2020 Sept: 15, 11, 10, 9.
Greenvales Lakes Woolworths (company media release) 06/09/2020, 10/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14.
Flinders Street/Reservoir Train 8.42pm Reservoir to Flinders Street 06/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14, 11, 10
Narre Warren Westfield Fountain Gate 18/08/2020 - 06/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14.
Roxburgh Park Coles Roxburgh Park 06/09/2020 & 10/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14.
Roxburgh Park Freshplus Roxburgh Park 10/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14.
Southern Cross/Northcote 6.30am Tram 86 Southern Cross Station to Northcote Station, 3.15pm Tram 86 Northcote Station to Southern Cross Station 02/09/2020 - 05/09/2020 & 07/09/2020 Sept: 15, 11, 10, 9.
Southern Cross/Ballarat V/Line train Southern Cross Station to Ballarat Station & return 03/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14, 11, 10.
Southern Cross/Ballarat V/Line train Southern Cross Station to Ballarat Station 07/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14, 11, 10.
Southern Cross/Reservoir Train 1.12pm Southern Cross to Reservoir 06/09/2020 Sept: 15, 14, 11, 10.
 

Other exposure sites

Site Location Exposure period Reported
Woolworths Burwood East 05/09 Sept: 10
Woolworths Oakleigh South store 28/08 Sept: 7
 

The department is investigating cases linked to:

Outbreak Suburb Reported by DHHS
Alfred Hospital ward - Sept: 17
Uniting AgeWell Camberwell Community Condare Court Camberwell Sept: 17
None reported n/a Sept: 12th - 16th
Family cluster #1 Melbourne South-East Sept: 11
Family cluster #2 Melbourne South-East Sept: 11
A ward at Monash Health Sept: 11
Mercy Place aged care facility Templestowe Sept: 10
Australian Meat Group Dandenong South Sept: 9
Woolworths Altona North Sept: 9
Woolworths Glen Waverley Sept: 9
Benetas Colton Close aged care facility Glenroy Sept: 9
Opal Hobsons Bay aged care facility Altona North Sept: 8
eStore Logistics Derrimut Sept: 8
Crocmedia Southbank Sept: 8
None reported n/a Sept: 4th - 7th
 
 

Aged care home outbreaks

Aged care facility Suburb LGA Last 24 hours TOTAL cases Reported by DHHS
St Basil’s Home for the Aged Fawkner Moreland +2 215 Sept: 17, 13, 12, 11, 9, 4, 3. Aug: 30, 27, 24, 22, 21, 20, 19, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 16, 15
Baptcare Wyndham Lodge Werribee Wyndham +1 252 Sept: 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 7, 6, 5, 2, 1. Aug: 31, 30, 29, 28, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 30, 28, 25, 23, 22, 20, 17
Twin Parks Aged Care Centre Reservoir Darebin +1 128 Sept: 17, 14, 12, 2, 1. Aug: 31, 29, 24, 23, 21, 20, 19, 18, 16, 15, 14, 13, 1.
Epping Gardens Epping Whittlesea -1 218 Sept: 17, 13, 11, 10, 4. Aug: 31, 28, 24, 23, 20, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 21
BlueCross Ruckers Hill Aged Care Facility Northcote Darebin - 130 Sept: 16, 12, 11, 9, 8, 7, 5. July: 19.
Mercy Place Templestowe Manningham - 2 Sept: 14, 9.
Estia Health Heidelberg Banyule - 119 Sept: 13, 10, 4, 3, 1. Aug: 31, 30, 29, 27, 24, 18, 17, 14, 13, 10, 9, 8, 6, 4, 3, 2, 1 July: 31, 30, 29, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 18
Cumberland Manor Aged Care Facility Sunshine North Brimbank - 124 Sept: 13, 12, 5. Aug: 30, 29, 28, 25, 24, 23, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17. July: 27.
Estia Health Ardeer Brimbank - 166 Sept: 12, 11, 10, 3. Aug: 30, 27, 24, 20, 16, 15, 14, 12, 11, 9, 8, 6, 4, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 17, 16, 14
Japara Goonawarra Aged Care Home Sunbury Hume - 120 Sept: 12, 8, 5, 3, 2. Aug: 31, 29, 27, 26, 24, 21, 20, 18, 16.
Outlook Gardens Dandenong North Greater Dandenong - 115 Sept: 12, 4. Aug: 30, 28, 25, 24, 21, 20, 18, 17, 13, 12, 11, 9, 8, 7, 6, 4, 2, 1. July: 31, 30, 29, 28, 26, 24
Benetas Colton Close aged care facility Glenroy Moreland - 1 Sept: 9
 

Other outbreaks in the last 14 days

Type Outbreak Suburb LGA Last 24 hours TOTAL cases Reported by DHHS
OTHER Security Guard - Vic Parliament House East Melbourne Melbourne - 1 Sept: 13
HEALTH Peninsula Health (incl. Frankston Hospital) - - - 90 Sept: 13, 5. 2, 1. Aug: 31, 27, 29, 25, 24, 20, 18
OTHER Woolworths Altona North Hobsons Bay - 1 Sept: 11
OTHER Woolworths Glen Eira Caulfield - 1 Sept: 11
EDU Deakin University Melbourne Burwood Campus Burwood Monash - 1 Sept: 9
OTHER Crocmedia Southbanks Melbourne - 2 Sept: 8, 4
EDU Mordialloc College Mordialloc Kingston - 1 Sept: 7 (via Reddit)
HEALTH Albert Road Clinic Melbourne Melbourne - 2 Sept: 4
 

Other helpful links:

submitted by Stoaticor to CoronavirusDownunder [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 16:05 Army_Bot Summary For: Weekly Question Thread (8/24/2020 to 8/30/2020)

Would it be possible to contact the BCT battery you went through as a soldier to get a copy of your weapons score card if they didn’t put it in your graduation packet? Do they keep it on file for a period of time?
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I live off post and I'm having a hell of a time buying good wooden furniture. I just want to buy a couple basic, solid wooden dressers like what's in every barracks room. Any advice on where I can buy some?
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Question for any cav scouts. When you did your spur ride what all did it contain? I’m in a scout unit but I’m not a scout myself. I’ve heard like 4 different kinds of spur rides and nobody can really give me info about the tasks. Anything pertinent to the ride would be helpful. All I know is that it ends with the ruck. Thanks.
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I’ve looked and looked and looked online, but I don’t quite meet the hearing requirement for enlisting by Like 5 points! Can I button mash the hearing test at meps or have an actual chance at getting a waiver? Best I’ve gotten is a maybe/ehhhhh
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Question about reclassifying MOS's; I recently finished the PiCAT and scored high enough in every composite category to qualify for the jobs I wanted (35 series specifically). There were no 35's open so I went with my second choice. 13F, and head to MEPS on Sunday. If my recruiter is unable to reserve a 35 MOS before MEPS and I head in there as a 13F, is there any possibility to switch when I get there, or when I get to BCT?
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Pretty much what it says, I was authorized by my unit to transfer into the IIR from the Reserves after 4 years instead of 6 because of a conflict with civilian employment. Never had any negative actions taken against me in the 4 years I was drilling, showed up on time and in the right place, completed all trainings. I am now wondering if the early transfer into the IIR has placed getting an Honorable discharge in jeopardy?
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are civilians allowed to join the military with background of mental illness such as bipolar disorder / depression? does history of hospitalization impact the military’s decision? is there a spectrum of severity that is taken into consideration?
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I was wondering if there were any new PSYOPS soldiers here that could give more insight into the training and the MOS itself.
How hard is the initial assessment? Possible duty stations? Hardest and easiest part of the training? What should I focus on before shipping out.
Thanks!
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Hi, I recently got an 11x opt 40 contract that I am satisfied with but I don’t feel like I am physically going to be prepared by the time RASP rolls around. Will basic training (22 weeks) be enough to get me ready? I am healthy but I am not fit.
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Whats the usual time for something to be uploaded into iPerms?
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What general officer does 12th CAB fall under in Germany? I'm doing the ETP 4187 right now for one of my Soldiers reclassing and I need the GO for his future CoC.
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I got 4/14 on the PIP Test at MEPS. Will this disqualify me from applying for Civil Affairs later? If so, is there any possibility of getting a waiver?
Also, does Civil Affairs have a "X months of service remaining" requirement for applying while in service?
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I'm interested in potentially being a 35P (Cryptologic Linguist) but it seems from the research I've done that although you can choose a preference for a language you are not guaranteed anything? I was interested in doing Japanese, which is listed as a critical language but I'm really worried about being thrown into farsi or chinese, which I don't feel I would be sufficiently motivated enough to pass DLI for. And if I do flunk out of DLI, would I be reassigned a random MOS or would I be allowed to pick something else? My original plan was to do IT but 35P seems like it would be great for someone like me who wants to make a career out of the military, but I don't want to risk flunking out because I got stuck in a language I'm not excited about and then being stuck as a truck driver for several years. Idk if it makes a difference but I already have basic fluency in Japanese too.
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My boyfriend of 2 years is in BCT right now at Fort Leonard Wood MO. I just found out he hasn’t gotten any of my mail from the past MONTH, and am sick over it. Is this a normal occurrence and/or does it normally last this long? He has only received one letter total and it was from his mother. I am extremely worried and everything I see online is totally different/outdated because of COVID-19. If anyone knows anything about this, or is going through the same thing, I would really appreciate some help. I don’t know where else to ask this...
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GI Bill question, I can’t seem to find an answer. Long story short 100% Post 9/11 GI Bill, enrolled in yellow ribbon school the tuition/fees part is taken care of, I’m tracking that housing benefits won’t come until October 1, what about the book stipend? Does that come sooner? I’ve got $1100 of required supplies and materials sitting in my cart and really don’t want to put it on a credit card if possible. Thanks for any help!
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Can someone explain to me the difference between a combat action badge and a combat patch? I've seen soldiers wearing a division patch on their right shoulder but they don't have the combat badge.
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Any 35Ms (Human Intelligence Collectors) in a FORSCOM unit willing to share about their experiences? I've talked to some INSCOM 35Ms and the general consensus is that life as a 35M is pretty good if you're in an INSCOM unit, but varies widely if you're in a FORSCOM unit because you don't have the proper authorities/permissions to do your job in garrison. So what do you do, if not your job? Motorpool and odd jobs? Endless training? Other types of intel work? (I'm not sure if the lack of proper authorities is a problem for FORSCOM intel jobs as a whole, or just HUMINT; I could see how HUMINT specifically might have stricter regulations surrounding it given its nature) How is the job in general for you? Do you like it?
Also, does anyone know the approximate chances of being assigned to a FORSCOM unit vs. an INSCOM unit? I know everything is luck of the draw and needs of the army, but what's the approximate distribution of 35M slots between those two types of units?
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I was called for an interview with the local army recruiter and was asked some pre-requisite questions about physical health and I lied saying I had never had any major surgeries, implying I have a clean medical history/physical health. I actually had cancer at 21, so I am a little beat up physically and mentally. I'm also 28. Would this be a problem even for a creative job within the army? Being an army photographer has always interested me.
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I’m not sure if this deserves a separate post or not but I’ll throw this out here and see if any of y’all have an answer.
I’m currently an active duty soldier with a federal OCS class date of 29 Nov 20. I’m coming from JBLM to Benning and I know there’s a quarantine timeframe that we have to do travelling to/from red states (and last I checked Georgia is still red). My question is: have any of y’all reported to OCS during this coronavirus stuff and if you did, did you report early or did quarantine just start on your report date? I need to schedule my travel stuff in DTS and I’m trying to figure out when I need to show up because the last thing I want to do is show up on the report date and the cadre tell me I can’t class up because I didn’t get there early enough.
Before you ask I called 3-11 staff duty and their S1 and no one was able to give me a straight answer; also the OCS website doesn’t look like it has been updated since 2019. Hopefully someone here has been in my situation or knows someone who has been to OCS recently. Thanks in advance.
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Currently an E4 in the Reserves and have been in for almost 4 years, recently signed off on an active duty contract. The guidance counselor (think that's what the position is called) asked me what my rank was when I first enlisted; I misheard him and said E4 instead of E1, and signed off as an E4.
Don't know if the guy was trying to screw me over or not. This one source (down below) I found says otherwise.
Any guidance/knowledge is greatly appreciated.
https://www.thebalancecareers.com/rules-for-determining-active-duty-rank-for-prior-service-3344810
Edit 25AUG 0957: already got my answer, but just some clarification on the 'screwing me over' part - the guidance counselor asked me what was the first rank I came in as, rather than what my current rank was in the Reserves. Hence why I asked this (relatively simple) question. Thanks again!
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Hello, I am very interested in linguistics and language especially eastern languages, before I had to drop out of college language was my major. I, of course, want to be a translatointerpreter as this was my goal with college too. I was wondering if you can only get in if you know a language before signing up or if they teach you a language. From what I read they teach you a language for Human Intelligence Collector Recruit or 35W maybe I’m misreading. So I don’t see why they wouldn’t teach you languages for translator work. I just want to be sure. If they do teach you for either job, do you get to choose the language? I hopefully get an answer I love linguistics and language so I would love to do what I love in the military.
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Hi. I've had a hard time finding info about 17E Electronic Warfare Specialist. I can only find vague descriptions online, and my recruiter seems to believe it is a hacking related MOS. However, that does not match what I've read online. Also, all the info online indicates a 9 week AIT, but my memo shows 31 weeks of AIT. I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into, and I don't think my recruiter knows either. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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--Apologies ahead of time, might be a little long.
So I injured my foot running over the weekend (Sat). I've been running every other day since July. The pain got worse the next day, so I decided to see a podiatrist on Monday. They diagnosed me with 'posterior tibial tendonitis'. The doc said it would take a month to heal (google says 6-8 wks for perspective), and he gave me a specialized brace. But there are still some things he has to send me in the mail. (These things whatever they are, I"m not gonna receive before basic b/c covid and I don't think he can send it to me there)
I told my recruiter about it on Monday. And I ship in September. ~2wks. I went to the office today to talk to the big guy in charge. He basically said I have a week to determine if I really wanna go in September, or decide to reclass and lose my job, and push my date back (throwing everything up in the air again)
These are two bad options in my opinion. I need the money. And in theory, if quarantine is indeed 14 days I would have had a month to heal at the end of that period, but without no brace at basic, or ice packs.
The ask: Should I still go in early September. Right now my foot is maybe at 50 percent. It might get to 65 before I leave, but without a brace or the items in the mail, I don't know how I can accomplish full recovery. My thinking goes-- if I break my foot or it gets worse at least I still get paid and I keep my job. I know this is bad thinking but its the reality of my situation.
What do you recommend?
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I leave AIT in like 2 weeks. (25s). I have to quarantine in Germany Landstuhl. Is it open bays, barracks rooms? Also I am 25 will I be able to get alchohol during quarantine.
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Need some help here please.
Im 19, I just dropped rotc (not contracted but completed 1 yr of AROTC) and uni due to all the shittiness of covid (school most likely goimg to shut down rotc program and switch to all online, and I'd need tons of loans to continue) in hopes to pursue either opt. 40, psyops, or 18x.
I was studying global conflict studies with minors in psychology and russian, so I'm definitely fascinayed by the general area of psyops as I love the area of focus, but I'm also sick of being a pussy and want to push myself and find challenge, and keep hearing that they dont do much 'tactical' or hooah stuff, which is making me lean toward other areas of special ops. However, the airborne and language training is really appeals to me, so leaning more toward 18x.
Should i go for it and pursue either? Why one over the other? Any other areas I should consider?
Any and all advice or comments are appreciated. Humble me if you think I need it. Sick of being a shitbag, dont wanna fail in life, need to do something as I dont want to be stuck due to shitty situations. Buddy is pushing 35M, but dont wanna be stuck with awkward kids who barely pass their apft or have any desire to. If there's any advice on how to prep for any of it before OSUT, I'm all ears.
Edit: First draft was pretty cocky, hopefully this reflects my seriousness better.
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I have a question, if you are going to be going on a base in South Korea or Japan, would language classes be offered?
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 I PCSing to my to my first duty station from Airborne school to JBER. I was wondering what I need to do to ship my truck and personal items up there at the governments expense via IAW AR 55-71? All oppinions are appreciated. Have a nice day. 
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Hey /r army, have a question for you fine folks,
So I'm prior service, have a great career, a loving wife , and I'm finally happy, so I thought what a great time to throw a wrench in all that and join back up!
I moseyed my way way down to the local recruiters office and asked a couple questions. Would I have to repeat basic? Hell fuckin yes I would What about AIT? Youbetcha , here's a short list of jobs you can reclassify to, fucking awesome always wanted to be a cook
He asked me if I was disabled. Not officially there sar'nt Then he asked me what meds I was on, which I told him 2 for anxiety and depression, which are gratefully supplied free of charge from the VA. He than said that would be a problem and I would have to show I was off them for a year to qualify. The Fuck...when I was in they handed out Percocet and Klonopin like it was a fucking pez dispenser . He told me I could always get the prescription from someone other than the VA.
My question to you guys who may have more knowledge of this type of situation. Are the VA systems and MEPS actually linked, would they be able to pull my med files? If I did get my meds off site, would I have to wait an actual year from it coming off the books to rejoin? Are there any other avenues I can take so I can get my fill of the green weenie again?
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Quick question from an OCS hopeful.
I've had a couple surgeries (none disqualifying) but some of them were redundant and the problem was fixed/finished by a final surgery.
Is it alright if I only give the documentation for the final one and not mention the others? It's not like they'll notice if they take a look inside (it's nose related). Can they find out later? And would I be in trouble? Physically it's like I never had the previous ones.
Thanks in advance
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Does anyone know how covid is affecting Fort Jackson in South Carolina? I wanna take a job there but my boyfriend has been in Fort Benning for 7 weeks and only just started basic training due to being quarantined and stuck in reception. He’s been telling me to wait but I don’t want to pass this job up
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i’m about to ship out next month on the 8th and i was wondering if you can get to use your phone in basic to send your friends and family the address to write letters? my friend in the air force got his phone in basic and sent us a picture with his information on it so we could write him. ik it’s probably gonna be different in the army but figured i would just ask
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Hey guys I’m going in as a 35N, can anyone give me advice or information about AIT or the job after training?
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Good afternoon everyone,
Warrant Officer hopeful looking for some insight into the training pipeline post-COVID guidelines. Expecting to get my projected WOCS dates in the next 1-2 months.
Has WOCS, WOBC and SERE changed in any major way for a 153a?
Has WOCS and WOBC switched over to the new ACFT? I understand they run the APFT during the start of schools, but that the ACFT is the focus after that and could be considered into class GPA (at least what I have heard / read.) Do you get your master fitness certificates after graduating so you can fill that roll as a WO1 at your new unit?
I would be coming in through the Guard; is anyone aware of them sending you to each school one after another (in a traditional training pipeline fashion) or do you get sent home until the school slots roll around?
Is there anything specifically worth bringing in terms of gear that you found particularly helpful during any of the schools ? (not something that was on the gear list)
General tips and tricks also appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
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Can you get a waiver for trying MDMA once? Recruiter says this is permanently disqualifying. Can't find much info about it. Would prefer to go about it the right way rather than taking their advice for selective disclosure.
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Is 35f really a bad mos? I swore in and had this as it seemed as an interearing option but now seeing posts on this I dont know if I made the right decision.
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Hi everyone, using a throwaway for this. I’m the first one from my unit to do virtual BLC through Shelby, and no one knows how it works. How was it? Did you do PT and D&C? What was the schedule like?
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G2G/ROTC Question
I’m a 28 year old SSG, coming up on 7 years TIS, a year until ETS. I have one dependent (joint custody and paying child support). I’m still a few classes away from completing an associate degree.
I understand with the G2G options there are age and dependent waivers. However, what are the requirements to join a ROTC program if I ETS?
I’ve done some research but I’ve been reading conflicting answers (age limits, SAT scores, etc.).
Thank you!
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What’s the best MOS for college while AD? I’m planning on going G2G
I need to save money for business investments and projects, so not interested in ROTC or SMP.
As far as I know, OPTEMPO has a huge impact on how fast online classes are done. Which do you recommend so I have time for online classes
I have around 20 college credits and would like to finish 60 within the AD 2 year minimum requirement for G2G
I’d like to experience 11b, buts that’s dumb for my goals. I’ll POG hard like a motherfucker if need be
P. S. If it matters, I’d like to commission as an infantry officer once all is done
I’ve also been a civilian federal employee for 3 years and still work at the VA
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How’s Fort Bliss? Duty stations just got put out at ABOLC, and I got an ABCT at Fort Bliss.
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Do guardsmen get the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal if they haven't deployed?
Also what ribbons would an army guard infantryman have if he just completed OSUT? Just the Army Service Ribbon and the National Defense Service Medal?
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So is 19D OSUT 22 weeks now?
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Does anyone have experience with the tattoo waiver process? I have a triangle on the back of my neck (about 2.5 inches each side). My recruiter thinks I have a shot of getting a waiver. Navy is telling me the Army won’t approve it so I should just join with them.
I’m trying to figure out how much is just recruiter head games and what my chances of getting approved are.
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I was curious, if you failed the ACFT right now in basic training, would you fail? I heard a few places that anyone who fails it right now would not count against you untill sometime 2022 I believe. Can anyone confirm ?
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I have a question about MOS, I was really interested in 25B, but my recruiters told me it isnt open but to go with my second pick. Which is 94S. They reserved it and I go to meps on monday, my question is is 94S worth it or should I wait it out for 25B
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would brachymetatarsia DQ me from joining?
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Anybody know when 35t slots will be available for a reclass?
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I am a 70B looking at Ranger School. I am interested in the 70H track. The goal is 20 years of a rewarding and exciting career. When I mention this to my BOLC Cadre I get a look like I've grown a second head. I max my APFT and I run marathons in my spare time.
I know it will be hard but if I get the opportunity I'll be leaving the school on a stretcher or with a tab. Am I taking crazy pills? Is it unreasonable for a 70B to pass Ranger? Or am I just being a naive LT?
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i’m 19 years old i been trying to process for about 3 months and it just seems like i have a lazy Army recruiter and i feel he’s been jerking me around. I have 2 Marijuana possesion charges both from when i was a juvenile. My recruiter tells me i have no chance of joining but another recruiter in the office is waivering a kid for burglary charges. Am i really DQ’d or is my recruiter just lazy? i really want to do this with all my heart and its all i want to do i just need someone to be honest with me i can handle the truth. I want a millatary career.
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I will be at BCT during Yom Kippur, a Jewish fast day. I have not missed a fast since I was a child, and I hope to fast at BCT, though I will still drink water. I don’t plan to request excusal from any physical or academic activities otherwise planned for the day. I also, per tradition, hope to be able to wear my kippah (yarmulke) for the day.
This is likely largely dependent on my cadre, but I’m curious if folks foresee this being an issue. Should I try to talk with the chaplain beforehand to request a formal accommodation, or can I just refuse to put food on my plate for those 24 hours?
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So my google-fu doesn't seem to be good enough for me to find anything real concrete; army-specifically.
Smoked pot several times like 6-7 years ago, no charges, no run-ins with police, nothing. But the only MOS I'm interested in is 17C, so I'll need a TS. I'm not about to lie on the sf-86, so I want it documented, and I want to know if the army is down with giving waivers for minor drug use, or if I even need one at all.
Edit: So I actually COMPLETELY read a link through and got my answer. "...In most cases, a person who experimented with "non-hard" drugs in the past will be allowed to enlist. Anything more than experimentation may very well be a bar to enlistment. "
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Shipping 2nd week of sept. I’m enlisted as a 13J. I’ve seen people comment on being 13b & 13f. Really curious if there’s any juliets on here that can give me some insight!
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I'm a 25P and I've heard rumors that the MOS is being removed. ETS is Oct 2021 but I plan to re-enlist. Will they send me to school for 25S automatically or will I be forced to sign a new contract and then re-class? Can I sign a contract for CONUS station and then be PCS'd there and eventually be sent to AIT again? Or will I just immediately go to AIT and then be at the mercy of army placement?
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35S just got orders to Eglin AFB. Does this mean 7th?
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Alright I need AIT to complete the rest of my contract and get the freck out of RSP! I’m in the Guard so all Jokes welcomed. I was shooting for 25B but there are zero slots available for my State ... :( I would like 17C since I have my degree in the STEM field and I’m already certified in SEC+, NET+, CEH, A+, PENT+, some programming Languages, and much more. just to show you what I did with my downtime during Covid smh I was informed by a friend who recently went to MEPs that there may or may not be any slots available for 17C... I’m bummed out about that. Does anyone know of an MOS that is similar to 25B or 17C? The length of AIT doesn’t matter. I’m trying to secure a job working for government agencies or private sector. And I plan to DC as a 17A in the next 2 yrs because that’s my end goal. Does anyone know of any MOSs that can get me there?
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Just a quick questions for all the 35Ns (Signal Intelligence analyst), how difficult is AIT? I really wanna know what I'm getting myself into
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If Green Berets and Rangers are considered tier 1 and 2 infantry, what's tier 3? Or tier 4? where do joes who are squared away and hard-working go when they are just medium speed but low drag? The good soldiers who look at Rasp and Sfas and say "nah, I'm okay admitting I'm not that intense." There's gotta be a middle ground right?
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Has anyone been able to get out honorably under an RE3 code and re up? I’ve been out for a year now. Did 6 in the national guard. I am wanting to go army. I had a drug test fail last year in (THC)... was in good standing with my unit and worked with them to get an honorable discharge. Now I am wondering if there is anyone out there who had success in coming back in with the same or similar situation I am in. Thank you
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Any former 35T’s. Just curious, what kind of civilian jobs did you guys end up getting after service? It seems like the work experience as a 35T translates very well in the civilian sector and I’d like to work at a 3 letter organization preferably.
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Probably not your typical question, but do any of you have experience freelancing while in the Army?
I know some soldiers do things like UbeLyft/etc. when they're in, but how does freelancing more generally work while enlisted? Do you have to get permission or do anything special to continue client work while you're active duty? Is there anything I need to know about working with international clients (I currently work with an Israeli company and another one in South Africa) while active duty?
I'm considering switching things up career wise and doing an enlistment just to do the damn thing before I get too old and regret not serving, but the switch would come with a rather significant reduction in pay starting out. Would I be able to continue some of my freelance work while active duty assuming it doesn't interfere with my Army responsibilities?
I'm in marketing and advertising but don't work with any MIC-related companies or advertising firms if that makes any difference. Oh, and all of my freelance work is done remotely.
Any input/experience would be great, thanks.
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I took the ASVAB last week and found out I scored the highest out of everyone who took it. I got a 97. Yay.
So today, I went to recruiting office to discuss my score and the next steps and just like the first time I went in, they were trying very hard to convince me not to apply to OCS and go enlisted. As in a full on assault from everyone in that office.
I was quite annoyed because my GPA (3.3) is the same as the GPA of the applicants who got selected this last board (posted yesterday) & my GT score was higher (133). To boot I have an engineering degree from a top 25 university and not some namby-pamby arts degree from university of phoenix (no offense to anyone).
At one point, literally all 6 recruiters (plus me and the head guy) from that recruiting station were all crammed in this small room, and they all were trying to push me to enlist, all talking over each other to say something convince me. I was entertaining their prospect and being polite, while questioning them occasionally or bringing up some valid point while in my head I am thinking 'snake oil'. I just kept saying to myself something is off, why are they doing this. This is odd, this is not normal. I was so close to saying 'well the Navy wants me and thinks I have a very good shot at becoming an officer with them and be guaranteed the position I want in the field I want.' That part is true. I am applying to both branches.
Here is the bigger issue: I want to do cyber or something similar (intel, signals, ect), that is technical, and is guaranteed. I do have an engineering degree after all; I am a bit of a dork. I would lke nothing more than to be a dork while serving this country instead of only caring about how much money I make. Apparently as an officer applicant going through OCS, I don't choose what I want to do but if I enlist they can guarantee it. To boot, I would not be learning/doing anything technical; I would just be managing as an officer. I am very disappointed I have to choose between either or. Am I being too greedy to say I want both?
I want to make the military my career and stay in until I retire but I also want to be able to geek out and actually enjoy my time (though no job is perfect).
What do I do?
I am most likely going to do the OCS route and if it doesn't work out I will just be at square one and enlist. If anything this is giving me motivation to prove them wrong. I guess resentments can be put to good use.
PS In all fairness they did say they will work with me to submit my OCS application and left that option on the table. I did feel the pressure was mainly coming from the head recruiter and not the one I am working with. I always give people the benefit of the doubt that they are good and trying to do the right thing (but for whom?). I do need to look out for #1 before I become property of the US gov't.
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Letter of recommendation for OCS. How well does the writer need to know you?
My grandfather served alongside a US Army General (Ret). This individual is very dear to our family, and helped sponsor our extended family to the US after the fall of our home nation.
Very close friend of my grandfather and the family, however, outside of Christmas dinners and occasional visits, I can’t really say that he’s witnessed my professional growth or leadership as most guidelines would dictate.
I feel like I’d be taking advantage of his high rank if I asked for a recommendation. Any thoughts?
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What's the best way to get to campbell from Nashville Airport? 1 person
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Hey what would happen if the military went on strike? How would it affect a innocent civilian / American?
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submitted by Army_Bot to army [link] [comments]


2020.08.31 16:05 Army_Bot Summary For: Weekly Question Thread (8/24/2020 to 8/30/2020)

Would it be possible to contact the BCT battery you went through as a soldier to get a copy of your weapons score card if they didn’t put it in your graduation packet? Do they keep it on file for a period of time?
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I live off post and I'm having a hell of a time buying good wooden furniture. I just want to buy a couple basic, solid wooden dressers like what's in every barracks room. Any advice on where I can buy some?
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Question for any cav scouts. When you did your spur ride what all did it contain? I’m in a scout unit but I’m not a scout myself. I’ve heard like 4 different kinds of spur rides and nobody can really give me info about the tasks. Anything pertinent to the ride would be helpful. All I know is that it ends with the ruck. Thanks.
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I’ve looked and looked and looked online, but I don’t quite meet the hearing requirement for enlisting by Like 5 points! Can I button mash the hearing test at meps or have an actual chance at getting a waiver? Best I’ve gotten is a maybe/ehhhhh
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Question about reclassifying MOS's; I recently finished the PiCAT and scored high enough in every composite category to qualify for the jobs I wanted (35 series specifically). There were no 35's open so I went with my second choice. 13F, and head to MEPS on Sunday. If my recruiter is unable to reserve a 35 MOS before MEPS and I head in there as a 13F, is there any possibility to switch when I get there, or when I get to BCT?
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Pretty much what it says, I was authorized by my unit to transfer into the IIR from the Reserves after 4 years instead of 6 because of a conflict with civilian employment. Never had any negative actions taken against me in the 4 years I was drilling, showed up on time and in the right place, completed all trainings. I am now wondering if the early transfer into the IIR has placed getting an Honorable discharge in jeopardy?
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are civilians allowed to join the military with background of mental illness such as bipolar disorder / depression? does history of hospitalization impact the military’s decision? is there a spectrum of severity that is taken into consideration?
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I was wondering if there were any new PSYOPS soldiers here that could give more insight into the training and the MOS itself.
How hard is the initial assessment? Possible duty stations? Hardest and easiest part of the training? What should I focus on before shipping out.
Thanks!
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Hi, I recently got an 11x opt 40 contract that I am satisfied with but I don’t feel like I am physically going to be prepared by the time RASP rolls around. Will basic training (22 weeks) be enough to get me ready? I am healthy but I am not fit.
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Whats the usual time for something to be uploaded into iPerms?
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What general officer does 12th CAB fall under in Germany? I'm doing the ETP 4187 right now for one of my Soldiers reclassing and I need the GO for his future CoC.
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I got 4/14 on the PIP Test at MEPS. Will this disqualify me from applying for Civil Affairs later? If so, is there any possibility of getting a waiver?
Also, does Civil Affairs have a "X months of service remaining" requirement for applying while in service?
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I'm interested in potentially being a 35P (Cryptologic Linguist) but it seems from the research I've done that although you can choose a preference for a language you are not guaranteed anything? I was interested in doing Japanese, which is listed as a critical language but I'm really worried about being thrown into farsi or chinese, which I don't feel I would be sufficiently motivated enough to pass DLI for. And if I do flunk out of DLI, would I be reassigned a random MOS or would I be allowed to pick something else? My original plan was to do IT but 35P seems like it would be great for someone like me who wants to make a career out of the military, but I don't want to risk flunking out because I got stuck in a language I'm not excited about and then being stuck as a truck driver for several years. Idk if it makes a difference but I already have basic fluency in Japanese too.
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My boyfriend of 2 years is in BCT right now at Fort Leonard Wood MO. I just found out he hasn’t gotten any of my mail from the past MONTH, and am sick over it. Is this a normal occurrence and/or does it normally last this long? He has only received one letter total and it was from his mother. I am extremely worried and everything I see online is totally different/outdated because of COVID-19. If anyone knows anything about this, or is going through the same thing, I would really appreciate some help. I don’t know where else to ask this...
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GI Bill question, I can’t seem to find an answer. Long story short 100% Post 9/11 GI Bill, enrolled in yellow ribbon school the tuition/fees part is taken care of, I’m tracking that housing benefits won’t come until October 1, what about the book stipend? Does that come sooner? I’ve got $1100 of required supplies and materials sitting in my cart and really don’t want to put it on a credit card if possible. Thanks for any help!
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Can someone explain to me the difference between a combat action badge and a combat patch? I've seen soldiers wearing a division patch on their right shoulder but they don't have the combat badge.
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Any 35Ms (Human Intelligence Collectors) in a FORSCOM unit willing to share about their experiences? I've talked to some INSCOM 35Ms and the general consensus is that life as a 35M is pretty good if you're in an INSCOM unit, but varies widely if you're in a FORSCOM unit because you don't have the proper authorities/permissions to do your job in garrison. So what do you do, if not your job? Motorpool and odd jobs? Endless training? Other types of intel work? (I'm not sure if the lack of proper authorities is a problem for FORSCOM intel jobs as a whole, or just HUMINT; I could see how HUMINT specifically might have stricter regulations surrounding it given its nature) How is the job in general for you? Do you like it?
Also, does anyone know the approximate chances of being assigned to a FORSCOM unit vs. an INSCOM unit? I know everything is luck of the draw and needs of the army, but what's the approximate distribution of 35M slots between those two types of units?
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I was called for an interview with the local army recruiter and was asked some pre-requisite questions about physical health and I lied saying I had never had any major surgeries, implying I have a clean medical history/physical health. I actually had cancer at 21, so I am a little beat up physically and mentally. I'm also 28. Would this be a problem even for a creative job within the army? Being an army photographer has always interested me.
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I’m not sure if this deserves a separate post or not but I’ll throw this out here and see if any of y’all have an answer.
I’m currently an active duty soldier with a federal OCS class date of 29 Nov 20. I’m coming from JBLM to Benning and I know there’s a quarantine timeframe that we have to do travelling to/from red states (and last I checked Georgia is still red). My question is: have any of y’all reported to OCS during this coronavirus stuff and if you did, did you report early or did quarantine just start on your report date? I need to schedule my travel stuff in DTS and I’m trying to figure out when I need to show up because the last thing I want to do is show up on the report date and the cadre tell me I can’t class up because I didn’t get there early enough.
Before you ask I called 3-11 staff duty and their S1 and no one was able to give me a straight answer; also the OCS website doesn’t look like it has been updated since 2019. Hopefully someone here has been in my situation or knows someone who has been to OCS recently. Thanks in advance.
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Currently an E4 in the Reserves and have been in for almost 4 years, recently signed off on an active duty contract. The guidance counselor (think that's what the position is called) asked me what my rank was when I first enlisted; I misheard him and said E4 instead of E1, and signed off as an E4.
Don't know if the guy was trying to screw me over or not. This one source (down below) I found says otherwise.
Any guidance/knowledge is greatly appreciated.
https://www.thebalancecareers.com/rules-for-determining-active-duty-rank-for-prior-service-3344810
Edit 25AUG 0957: already got my answer, but just some clarification on the 'screwing me over' part - the guidance counselor asked me what was the first rank I came in as, rather than what my current rank was in the Reserves. Hence why I asked this (relatively simple) question. Thanks again!
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Hello, I am very interested in linguistics and language especially eastern languages, before I had to drop out of college language was my major. I, of course, want to be a translatointerpreter as this was my goal with college too. I was wondering if you can only get in if you know a language before signing up or if they teach you a language. From what I read they teach you a language for Human Intelligence Collector Recruit or 35W maybe I’m misreading. So I don’t see why they wouldn’t teach you languages for translator work. I just want to be sure. If they do teach you for either job, do you get to choose the language? I hopefully get an answer I love linguistics and language so I would love to do what I love in the military.
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Hi. I've had a hard time finding info about 17E Electronic Warfare Specialist. I can only find vague descriptions online, and my recruiter seems to believe it is a hacking related MOS. However, that does not match what I've read online. Also, all the info online indicates a 9 week AIT, but my memo shows 31 weeks of AIT. I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into, and I don't think my recruiter knows either. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
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--Apologies ahead of time, might be a little long.
So I injured my foot running over the weekend (Sat). I've been running every other day since July. The pain got worse the next day, so I decided to see a podiatrist on Monday. They diagnosed me with 'posterior tibial tendonitis'. The doc said it would take a month to heal (google says 6-8 wks for perspective), and he gave me a specialized brace. But there are still some things he has to send me in the mail. (These things whatever they are, I"m not gonna receive before basic b/c covid and I don't think he can send it to me there)
I told my recruiter about it on Monday. And I ship in September. ~2wks. I went to the office today to talk to the big guy in charge. He basically said I have a week to determine if I really wanna go in September, or decide to reclass and lose my job, and push my date back (throwing everything up in the air again)
These are two bad options in my opinion. I need the money. And in theory, if quarantine is indeed 14 days I would have had a month to heal at the end of that period, but without no brace at basic, or ice packs.
The ask: Should I still go in early September. Right now my foot is maybe at 50 percent. It might get to 65 before I leave, but without a brace or the items in the mail, I don't know how I can accomplish full recovery. My thinking goes-- if I break my foot or it gets worse at least I still get paid and I keep my job. I know this is bad thinking but its the reality of my situation.
What do you recommend?
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I leave AIT in like 2 weeks. (25s). I have to quarantine in Germany Landstuhl. Is it open bays, barracks rooms? Also I am 25 will I be able to get alchohol during quarantine.
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Need some help here please.
Im 19, I just dropped rotc (not contracted but completed 1 yr of AROTC) and uni due to all the shittiness of covid (school most likely goimg to shut down rotc program and switch to all online, and I'd need tons of loans to continue) in hopes to pursue either opt. 40, psyops, or 18x.
I was studying global conflict studies with minors in psychology and russian, so I'm definitely fascinayed by the general area of psyops as I love the area of focus, but I'm also sick of being a pussy and want to push myself and find challenge, and keep hearing that they dont do much 'tactical' or hooah stuff, which is making me lean toward other areas of special ops. However, the airborne and language training is really appeals to me, so leaning more toward 18x.
Should i go for it and pursue either? Why one over the other? Any other areas I should consider?
Any and all advice or comments are appreciated. Humble me if you think I need it. Sick of being a shitbag, dont wanna fail in life, need to do something as I dont want to be stuck due to shitty situations. Buddy is pushing 35M, but dont wanna be stuck with awkward kids who barely pass their apft or have any desire to. If there's any advice on how to prep for any of it before OSUT, I'm all ears.
Edit: First draft was pretty cocky, hopefully this reflects my seriousness better.
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I have a question, if you are going to be going on a base in South Korea or Japan, would language classes be offered?
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 I PCSing to my to my first duty station from Airborne school to JBER. I was wondering what I need to do to ship my truck and personal items up there at the governments expense via IAW AR 55-71? All oppinions are appreciated. Have a nice day. 
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Hey /r army, have a question for you fine folks,
So I'm prior service, have a great career, a loving wife , and I'm finally happy, so I thought what a great time to throw a wrench in all that and join back up!
I moseyed my way way down to the local recruiters office and asked a couple questions. Would I have to repeat basic? Hell fuckin yes I would What about AIT? Youbetcha , here's a short list of jobs you can reclassify to, fucking awesome always wanted to be a cook
He asked me if I was disabled. Not officially there sar'nt Then he asked me what meds I was on, which I told him 2 for anxiety and depression, which are gratefully supplied free of charge from the VA. He than said that would be a problem and I would have to show I was off them for a year to qualify. The Fuck...when I was in they handed out Percocet and Klonopin like it was a fucking pez dispenser . He told me I could always get the prescription from someone other than the VA.
My question to you guys who may have more knowledge of this type of situation. Are the VA systems and MEPS actually linked, would they be able to pull my med files? If I did get my meds off site, would I have to wait an actual year from it coming off the books to rejoin? Are there any other avenues I can take so I can get my fill of the green weenie again?
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Quick question from an OCS hopeful.
I've had a couple surgeries (none disqualifying) but some of them were redundant and the problem was fixed/finished by a final surgery.
Is it alright if I only give the documentation for the final one and not mention the others? It's not like they'll notice if they take a look inside (it's nose related). Can they find out later? And would I be in trouble? Physically it's like I never had the previous ones.
Thanks in advance
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Does anyone know how covid is affecting Fort Jackson in South Carolina? I wanna take a job there but my boyfriend has been in Fort Benning for 7 weeks and only just started basic training due to being quarantined and stuck in reception. He’s been telling me to wait but I don’t want to pass this job up
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i’m about to ship out next month on the 8th and i was wondering if you can get to use your phone in basic to send your friends and family the address to write letters? my friend in the air force got his phone in basic and sent us a picture with his information on it so we could write him. ik it’s probably gonna be different in the army but figured i would just ask
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Hey guys I’m going in as a 35N, can anyone give me advice or information about AIT or the job after training?
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Good afternoon everyone,
Warrant Officer hopeful looking for some insight into the training pipeline post-COVID guidelines. Expecting to get my projected WOCS dates in the next 1-2 months.
Has WOCS, WOBC and SERE changed in any major way for a 153a?
Has WOCS and WOBC switched over to the new ACFT? I understand they run the APFT during the start of schools, but that the ACFT is the focus after that and could be considered into class GPA (at least what I have heard / read.) Do you get your master fitness certificates after graduating so you can fill that roll as a WO1 at your new unit?
I would be coming in through the Guard; is anyone aware of them sending you to each school one after another (in a traditional training pipeline fashion) or do you get sent home until the school slots roll around?
Is there anything specifically worth bringing in terms of gear that you found particularly helpful during any of the schools ? (not something that was on the gear list)
General tips and tricks also appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
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Can you get a waiver for trying MDMA once? Recruiter says this is permanently disqualifying. Can't find much info about it. Would prefer to go about it the right way rather than taking their advice for selective disclosure.
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Is 35f really a bad mos? I swore in and had this as it seemed as an interearing option but now seeing posts on this I dont know if I made the right decision.
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Hi everyone, using a throwaway for this. I’m the first one from my unit to do virtual BLC through Shelby, and no one knows how it works. How was it? Did you do PT and D&C? What was the schedule like?
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G2G/ROTC Question
I’m a 28 year old SSG, coming up on 7 years TIS, a year until ETS. I have one dependent (joint custody and paying child support). I’m still a few classes away from completing an associate degree.
I understand with the G2G options there are age and dependent waivers. However, what are the requirements to join a ROTC program if I ETS?
I’ve done some research but I’ve been reading conflicting answers (age limits, SAT scores, etc.).
Thank you!
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What’s the best MOS for college while AD? I’m planning on going G2G
I need to save money for business investments and projects, so not interested in ROTC or SMP.
As far as I know, OPTEMPO has a huge impact on how fast online classes are done. Which do you recommend so I have time for online classes
I have around 20 college credits and would like to finish 60 within the AD 2 year minimum requirement for G2G
I’d like to experience 11b, buts that’s dumb for my goals. I’ll POG hard like a motherfucker if need be
P. S. If it matters, I’d like to commission as an infantry officer once all is done
I’ve also been a civilian federal employee for 3 years and still work at the VA
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How’s Fort Bliss? Duty stations just got put out at ABOLC, and I got an ABCT at Fort Bliss.
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Do guardsmen get the Global War on Terrorism Service Medal if they haven't deployed?
Also what ribbons would an army guard infantryman have if he just completed OSUT? Just the Army Service Ribbon and the National Defense Service Medal?
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So is 19D OSUT 22 weeks now?
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Does anyone have experience with the tattoo waiver process? I have a triangle on the back of my neck (about 2.5 inches each side). My recruiter thinks I have a shot of getting a waiver. Navy is telling me the Army won’t approve it so I should just join with them.
I’m trying to figure out how much is just recruiter head games and what my chances of getting approved are.
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I was curious, if you failed the ACFT right now in basic training, would you fail? I heard a few places that anyone who fails it right now would not count against you untill sometime 2022 I believe. Can anyone confirm ?
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I have a question about MOS, I was really interested in 25B, but my recruiters told me it isnt open but to go with my second pick. Which is 94S. They reserved it and I go to meps on monday, my question is is 94S worth it or should I wait it out for 25B
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would brachymetatarsia DQ me from joining?
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Anybody know when 35t slots will be available for a reclass?
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I am a 70B looking at Ranger School. I am interested in the 70H track. The goal is 20 years of a rewarding and exciting career. When I mention this to my BOLC Cadre I get a look like I've grown a second head. I max my APFT and I run marathons in my spare time.
I know it will be hard but if I get the opportunity I'll be leaving the school on a stretcher or with a tab. Am I taking crazy pills? Is it unreasonable for a 70B to pass Ranger? Or am I just being a naive LT?
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i’m 19 years old i been trying to process for about 3 months and it just seems like i have a lazy Army recruiter and i feel he’s been jerking me around. I have 2 Marijuana possesion charges both from when i was a juvenile. My recruiter tells me i have no chance of joining but another recruiter in the office is waivering a kid for burglary charges. Am i really DQ’d or is my recruiter just lazy? i really want to do this with all my heart and its all i want to do i just need someone to be honest with me i can handle the truth. I want a millatary career.
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I will be at BCT during Yom Kippur, a Jewish fast day. I have not missed a fast since I was a child, and I hope to fast at BCT, though I will still drink water. I don’t plan to request excusal from any physical or academic activities otherwise planned for the day. I also, per tradition, hope to be able to wear my kippah (yarmulke) for the day.
This is likely largely dependent on my cadre, but I’m curious if folks foresee this being an issue. Should I try to talk with the chaplain beforehand to request a formal accommodation, or can I just refuse to put food on my plate for those 24 hours?
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So my google-fu doesn't seem to be good enough for me to find anything real concrete; army-specifically.
Smoked pot several times like 6-7 years ago, no charges, no run-ins with police, nothing. But the only MOS I'm interested in is 17C, so I'll need a TS. I'm not about to lie on the sf-86, so I want it documented, and I want to know if the army is down with giving waivers for minor drug use, or if I even need one at all.
Edit: So I actually COMPLETELY read a link through and got my answer. "...In most cases, a person who experimented with "non-hard" drugs in the past will be allowed to enlist. Anything more than experimentation may very well be a bar to enlistment. "
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Shipping 2nd week of sept. I’m enlisted as a 13J. I’ve seen people comment on being 13b & 13f. Really curious if there’s any juliets on here that can give me some insight!
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I'm a 25P and I've heard rumors that the MOS is being removed. ETS is Oct 2021 but I plan to re-enlist. Will they send me to school for 25S automatically or will I be forced to sign a new contract and then re-class? Can I sign a contract for CONUS station and then be PCS'd there and eventually be sent to AIT again? Or will I just immediately go to AIT and then be at the mercy of army placement?
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35S just got orders to Eglin AFB. Does this mean 7th?
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Alright I need AIT to complete the rest of my contract and get the freck out of RSP! I’m in the Guard so all Jokes welcomed. I was shooting for 25B but there are zero slots available for my State ... :( I would like 17C since I have my degree in the STEM field and I’m already certified in SEC+, NET+, CEH, A+, PENT+, some programming Languages, and much more. just to show you what I did with my downtime during Covid smh I was informed by a friend who recently went to MEPs that there may or may not be any slots available for 17C... I’m bummed out about that. Does anyone know of an MOS that is similar to 25B or 17C? The length of AIT doesn’t matter. I’m trying to secure a job working for government agencies or private sector. And I plan to DC as a 17A in the next 2 yrs because that’s my end goal. Does anyone know of any MOSs that can get me there?
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Just a quick questions for all the 35Ns (Signal Intelligence analyst), how difficult is AIT? I really wanna know what I'm getting myself into
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If Green Berets and Rangers are considered tier 1 and 2 infantry, what's tier 3? Or tier 4? where do joes who are squared away and hard-working go when they are just medium speed but low drag? The good soldiers who look at Rasp and Sfas and say "nah, I'm okay admitting I'm not that intense." There's gotta be a middle ground right?
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Has anyone been able to get out honorably under an RE3 code and re up? I’ve been out for a year now. Did 6 in the national guard. I am wanting to go army. I had a drug test fail last year in (THC)... was in good standing with my unit and worked with them to get an honorable discharge. Now I am wondering if there is anyone out there who had success in coming back in with the same or similar situation I am in. Thank you
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Any former 35T’s. Just curious, what kind of civilian jobs did you guys end up getting after service? It seems like the work experience as a 35T translates very well in the civilian sector and I’d like to work at a 3 letter organization preferably.
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Probably not your typical question, but do any of you have experience freelancing while in the Army?
I know some soldiers do things like UbeLyft/etc. when they're in, but how does freelancing more generally work while enlisted? Do you have to get permission or do anything special to continue client work while you're active duty? Is there anything I need to know about working with international clients (I currently work with an Israeli company and another one in South Africa) while active duty?
I'm considering switching things up career wise and doing an enlistment just to do the damn thing before I get too old and regret not serving, but the switch would come with a rather significant reduction in pay starting out. Would I be able to continue some of my freelance work while active duty assuming it doesn't interfere with my Army responsibilities?
I'm in marketing and advertising but don't work with any MIC-related companies or advertising firms if that makes any difference. Oh, and all of my freelance work is done remotely.
Any input/experience would be great, thanks.
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I took the ASVAB last week and found out I scored the highest out of everyone who took it. I got a 97. Yay.
So today, I went to recruiting office to discuss my score and the next steps and just like the first time I went in, they were trying very hard to convince me not to apply to OCS and go enlisted. As in a full on assault from everyone in that office.
I was quite annoyed because my GPA (3.3) is the same as the GPA of the applicants who got selected this last board (posted yesterday) & my GT score was higher (133). To boot I have an engineering degree from a top 25 university and not some namby-pamby arts degree from university of phoenix (no offense to anyone).
At one point, literally all 6 recruiters (plus me and the head guy) from that recruiting station were all crammed in this small room, and they all were trying to push me to enlist, all talking over each other to say something convince me. I was entertaining their prospect and being polite, while questioning them occasionally or bringing up some valid point while in my head I am thinking 'snake oil'. I just kept saying to myself something is off, why are they doing this. This is odd, this is not normal. I was so close to saying 'well the Navy wants me and thinks I have a very good shot at becoming an officer with them and be guaranteed the position I want in the field I want.' That part is true. I am applying to both branches.
Here is the bigger issue: I want to do cyber or something similar (intel, signals, ect), that is technical, and is guaranteed. I do have an engineering degree after all; I am a bit of a dork. I would lke nothing more than to be a dork while serving this country instead of only caring about how much money I make. Apparently as an officer applicant going through OCS, I don't choose what I want to do but if I enlist they can guarantee it. To boot, I would not be learning/doing anything technical; I would just be managing as an officer. I am very disappointed I have to choose between either or. Am I being too greedy to say I want both?
I want to make the military my career and stay in until I retire but I also want to be able to geek out and actually enjoy my time (though no job is perfect).
What do I do?
I am most likely going to do the OCS route and if it doesn't work out I will just be at square one and enlist. If anything this is giving me motivation to prove them wrong. I guess resentments can be put to good use.
PS In all fairness they did say they will work with me to submit my OCS application and left that option on the table. I did feel the pressure was mainly coming from the head recruiter and not the one I am working with. I always give people the benefit of the doubt that they are good and trying to do the right thing (but for whom?). I do need to look out for #1 before I become property of the US gov't.
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Letter of recommendation for OCS. How well does the writer need to know you?
My grandfather served alongside a US Army General (Ret). This individual is very dear to our family, and helped sponsor our extended family to the US after the fall of our home nation.
Very close friend of my grandfather and the family, however, outside of Christmas dinners and occasional visits, I can’t really say that he’s witnessed my professional growth or leadership as most guidelines would dictate.
I feel like I’d be taking advantage of his high rank if I asked for a recommendation. Any thoughts?
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What's the best way to get to campbell from Nashville Airport? 1 person
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Hey what would happen if the military went on strike? How would it affect a innocent civilian / American?
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2020.08.28 18:09 HaulA28Augl Top Ten G-ay S-ex Da-ting New

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2020.03.24 16:05 Texas1971 Carollaisms

Haven’t updated in awhile, but here’s some “light reading” for everyone while we’re locked in. These just crack me up. Enjoy, stay safe and wash up. 🧼 GETITON

Band Names/Rap Stars

Mitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)
ManAyz - Rap star (LL)
D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)
Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)
Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)
Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)
Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)
Gut Fluffer (ACS)
Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)
Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)
Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)
Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)
Narthex - (ACS)
Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)
Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)
The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)
Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)
3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)
Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)
Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)
Jizz Grenade (LL)
Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)
Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)
Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)
Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)
Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)
White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)
Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)
Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)
Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)
Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)
Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)
MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)
Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)
Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)
Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)
Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)
SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)
Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)
Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)
Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)
Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)
Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)
Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)
Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)
Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)
Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)
Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)
Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)
Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)
Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)
Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)
Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)
Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)
One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)
Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)
Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)
Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)
The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)
King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)
Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)
Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)
Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)
Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)
Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)
Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)
The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)
Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)
Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)
Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)
Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)
Sophistry - A great Carol King album (ADS)

Song Titles

Meatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)
Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)
White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)
Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)
No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)
Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)
Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)
Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)
Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)
That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)
Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)
Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)
12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)
Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)
Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)
Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)
I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)
Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)
Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)
Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)
Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)
People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)
Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)
Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)
Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)
Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)
Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)
Anal ipecac - Good indie band (ACS)
2 Tits and a Pulse - Ace likes that Beck song (Bryan/Adam) (ACS)

Football Players/Athletes/Teams:

Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)
L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)
DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)
DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)
Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)
N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)
Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)
Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)
Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)
Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)
Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)
Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)
Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)
Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)
Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)
Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)
Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)
Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)
Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)
Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)
Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)
Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)
Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)
Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)
Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)
Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)
Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)
Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACS
Hardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)
Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)
Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)
World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)
LBJ - Worst Mexican wrestler name ever (ADS)
Cold stone Steve Austin - Can’t wrestle on hot days. Tag team partners with the Klondike twins (GS)
Cicely Tyson - Greatest Italian boxer of all time. (ADS)

Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:

Spoodini - (LL)
Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)
No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)
Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)
Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Kindle Fire (ACS)
Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)
Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)
Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)
Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)
Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)
The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)
Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)
Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)
Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)
Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)
Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)
Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)
Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)
Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)
Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)
Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)
Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)
Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)
38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)
Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)
Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)
Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)
Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)
Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)
Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)
Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)
Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)
Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)
Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)
Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)
Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)
Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)
Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)
The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)
Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)
Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)
Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)
Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)
The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)
Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)
Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)
Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)
Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)
Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)
Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)
Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)
Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)
Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)
Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)
Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)
Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)
Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)
Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)
Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)
French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)
Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)
Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)
Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)
Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)
The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)
Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)
Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)
Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)
Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)
Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)
Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)
Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)
The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)
73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)
Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)
Madison Bear - Sounds like an dating app for gay hairy dudes who are married (ACS)
Back pay - Good porn title name (ACS)

Miscellaneous People

Trajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)
Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)
Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)
Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)
Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)
Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)
Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)
Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)
Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)
Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)
Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)
Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)
Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)
Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)
Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)
Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)
Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)
Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)
Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)
Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)
Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)
Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)
Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)
MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)
Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)
Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)
Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)
Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)
Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)
Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)
Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)
Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)
Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)
Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)
Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)
Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)
F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)
Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)
Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)
Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)
Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)
Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)
Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)
Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)
Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)
LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)
Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)
Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)
Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)
La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)
C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)
Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)
Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)
Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)
The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)
MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)
Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)
Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)
The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)
Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)
Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)
Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)
Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)
Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)
Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)
Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)
Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)
Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)
Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)
Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)
Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)
Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)
Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)
Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)
Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)
D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)
Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)
Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)
Beulah - The town horror (RD)
Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)
Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)
Root Ball Grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)
Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)
Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)
Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)
Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)
Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)
Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)
Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)
Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)
Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)
Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)
Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)
Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)
Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)
Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)
Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)
Merch Galore - Worst Bond secretary ever. Total sellout. Always wearing her own swag (GS)
Bathroom Goalie - New code for fat chicks sitting next to you on an airplane (ACS)
Skip Loader -Kurt Loder’s older brother (ACS)
F. Me Money - greatest attorney rapper ever (RD)

Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio Stations

Gum and Condoms - (Show?)
Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)
Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)
Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)
Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)
Almonds and Water (ACS)
Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)
Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)
Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)
Fungus and Mold (Show?)
Stupid and Petty (Show?)
Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)
Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)
Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)
Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)
QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)
Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)
The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)
Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)
Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)
Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)
Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)
Mother Trucker - Adam’s Podcast with caller Miguel (AOTH)

Places

Boobville - (LL)
Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)
Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)
Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)
Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)
Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)
Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)
Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)
NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)
Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)
Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)
Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)
Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)
Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)
Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)
Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)
Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)
Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)
Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)
Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)
Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)
L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)
Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)
The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)
Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)
Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)
Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)
Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)
Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)
Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)
The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)
Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)
Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)
C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)
Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)
Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)
Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)
The Mexican Faire - Worst fair ever (ACS)
Hanoi Hospice - Only place worse than the Hanoi Hilton (ACS)
Kaleblazer- Gay juice bar (ACS)
Hot Dog Cannon - good name for a bar next to The Abbey (ACS)
Dyskeratosis - where Vinnie lives, lots of Greek folks, a family oriented community (ACS)
Kind of, Italy - Where Ace’s family is from. Where he gets his kinky hair. (ADS)

Miscellaneous

Cleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)
Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)
The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)
Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)
RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)
Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)
Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)
Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)
Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)
Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)
El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)
Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)
Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)
American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)
E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)
Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)
SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)
Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)
Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)
G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)
Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)
Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)
The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)
Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)
Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)
Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)
Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)
Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)
Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)
Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)
My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)
Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)
Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)
Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)
Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)
Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)
Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)
Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)
Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)
Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)
Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)
The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)
Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)
Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)
Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)
Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)
Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)
Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)
Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)
Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)
Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)
Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)
USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)
Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)
Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)
Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)
Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)
Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)
Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)
Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)
Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)
Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)
4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)
Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)
The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)
Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)
The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)
Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)
UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)
Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)
Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)
Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)
Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)
Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)
Sexual Battery - Batteries especially made for sexual devices. Somewhere between AA and C (ACS)

Food/Drinks

Deer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)
Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)
Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)
Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)
Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)
Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)
Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)
Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)
Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)
GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)
University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)
Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)
Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)
Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)
Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)
Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)
GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)
Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)
Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)
Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)
Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)
Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)
Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)
Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)
Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)
Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)
Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)
Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)
Son of Goose - Worst vodka ever. Comes in a plastic squeeze bottle (ACS)
Orange Hitler - Worst Hi-C flavor ever (ACS)

TV Shows/Movies

Cunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)
Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)
Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)
Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)
Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)
Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)
Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)
Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)
Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)
Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)
Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)
Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)
Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)
Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)
Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)
Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)
Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)
Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)
Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)
Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)
Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)
Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)
Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)
Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)
Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)
Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)
Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)
Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)
Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)
Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)
2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)
So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)
Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)
Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)
LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)
Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)
The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)
The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)
Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)
Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)
Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)
Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)
Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)
Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)
Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)
Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)
Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)
Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)
Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)
Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)
Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)
L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)
Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)
Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)
Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)
Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)
Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)
Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)
Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)
Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)
Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACS
Nanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)
Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACS
Nick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)
Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)
The Baldwin’s and Beyond -Great reality show (RD)
The Rogue Deuce - The next Star Wars movie (ADS)
Mr. Goodbar To The Rescue - Ace loves that movie (ACS)
Wrestling Squatters - New show on YouTube Red starring Eric Stromer (AOTH)

Books/Coffee Table Books

Dade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)
Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)
Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)
Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)
Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)
Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)
You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)
Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)
You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)
I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)
Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)
Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)
Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)
From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)
(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)
I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)
Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)
Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)
Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)
Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)
Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)
Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)
What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)
Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)
In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)
Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)

Native American Names

Chief Thunderbear (LL)
Dances With Cocks (ACS)
Dances With Lipstick (ACS)
Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)
Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)

V/P Names

Absorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)
Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's G
Cmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)
City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s V
No Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)
Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)
The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)
Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)
B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)
El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)
Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)
El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
Port of Karachi - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
submitted by Texas1971 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]


2020.02.16 20:25 Howhowhathere My experiences as an Uber Driver, Fair (car rental) customer, and Lyft Driver (LONG)

As you all may know by now, Uber and Lyft have become quite common as apps that replaced Taxis for the most part in major cities and towns as a way to get a ride, and it's a service provided by individual contractors like myself who use a different app as the ride provider to earn an income or sometimes it is marketed as a way to have a "side hustle" to make more income on top of a main job.
I want to share my personal horror stories as a driver and user of these apps as well as offer some incite to other drivers out there on the road. I hope we can all learn from my experiences.
For starters, I'm an actor in Los Angeles so instead of waiting tables or trying to be a bartender, (or turning to prostitution for that matter), I decided to make an income through ride share driving to get myself some flexibility to my schedule for acting auditions (usually at short notice).
Story 1: Early days of Rideshare Driving.
Initially I had my own used 2002 Volkswagen Passat, and it was a car I grew up with and loved and it was very reliable. I signed up solely with Uber at first and in the early days of the app when they gave out incentives and "rush hour" bonuses. In the early days it was very hard to make any money driving the app unless you specifically targeted those large 2x and sometimes 7x earning bonuses. Based on my miles per gallon on my Volkswagen I was actually only making about 3 dollars per hour during most of the day due to the infrequent rides, due to my gas cost, and due to the fact that Uber took a large portion of my earnings per ride. And at that time if I drove during the busy rush hours to catch bonuses, I earned about 20 dollars per hour or sometimes even 30 depending on traffic and how fast I can dodge through it to get another ride with a massive bonus. Of course this wasn't healthy for the long run and it was VERY HARD to earn a steady income and caused a LOT of stress due to having to drive during rush hour traffic in downtown LA to even earn something close to a minimum wage job on average since rush hour only lasted about 2-3 hours each day and the rest of the day it's very hard to get any customers other than the early adopters.
Lesson 1: What I learned during this time is to look at the formula of how we got paid, and to calculate my own gas costs, (also taxes!) to see just how much am I actually earning per hour and to look for ways to lower my own costs down and make more money. I found that the best practice is to turn on the app but park my car somewhere in a decently busy area when I'm in between rides instead of driving around burning gas looking for new rides. This significantly lowered my gas costs down and I am also reducing traffic by doing this! I allowed the App to look for rides and nearby customers for me and I drove a lot less. Think of in between rides as breaks...
Lesson 2: There's a pattern to when there's more demand for rides and I found different times to be on the road that worked for me. It didn't have to be rush hour traffic in 5PM LA, it could be also early mornings when people were waking up to go to work early in the morning, or going to the airport! And it was VERY profitable to pick up long rides back then as it reduced the time between waiting for new rides and I earned a lot more whenever I found these longer rides!
Story 2: Car Problems and the disgusting business called Fair.
My Volkswagen eventually started breaking down and having problems, this happened repeated over the course of 2 years with me having to repeatedly pay large sums to fix my car and at first it was just to change the car batteries, and small expenses... but then soon it started to get really crazy with timing belt changes, and then when the car overheated from a coolant leak that (suspiciously happened immediately after I had an oil change done by a shady mechanic) I had damage to the engine from the overheating... and that was when I knew, fixing my car wasn't going to be worth it... I started eating parking tickets for "abandoned vehicle" which also doubled several times because I didn't know that my car would get ticketed for even being parked... and a long story short I couldn't pay $2000 to fix the car when it was my main source of income and I couldn't sell it since it was broken, and I had to junk it.
In comes my idea to rent a vehicle instead! Haha, that might have sounded like a smart idea at the time, and it was also at the time when Fair partnered up with Uber to offer rental cars. I tried to get a car from Fair and this is what happened:
Initially I called Fair support to see when I can get to pick up the vehicle I wanted... a nice little orange 2016 Toyota Prius with barely 9000 miles on it. They told me the car was in San Diego... Keep in mind I don't have a car at this point and I lived in Los Angeles. I asked them if they could deliver it to me and they told me yes, but at this point Uber has my address as Glendale, which was a while ago when I first signed up with Uber, and of course as an actor who barely lives rent to rent, I had to move around quite often, so this was no longer my current address at the time. I told the Fair support that that was not my address and that I lived in Chatsworth... well that was a disaster, because they told me because my address is no longer up to date, I can't get the car delivered to me by the Fair Concierge team... and ooook? SO what do you want me to do, Fair? They told me to change my address with them, and I went "ok great! let's do that" but Fair Support doesn't have the authorization to change the address on my Fair account... NO... that's something only the Fair Concierge team can do for me and they are only accessible through first calling the Fair Support team on their support line... waiting between 30 minutes to 2 hours on the phone for someone to pick up, tell them to transfer me to the Fair Concierge team so I can change my address, then waiting another 2 hours or so for the Fair Concierge team to pick up the phone and talk about changing my Address with them. And here's how THAT interaction went:
a. They told me I needed to provide proof of address... and again as an actor who moved around a lot, I typically sublet a single room and have no utility bills and no pay stubs to use since hey guess what, I'm an UBER DRIVER. This is a conversation after 2-3 hours waiting between Fair Support, then transferring to Fair Concierge....
b. I called repeatedly asking them to change my address, I literally stood outside my new address with my phone and took pictures of me next to the mailbox number... and held up a sign with the street name, and they told me they can't accept that... so I had to try MANY different times calling them to see if this works, no? Ok how about this other thing I got in the mail? NO? Could somebody please give me a LIST of the acceptable proof of address documents?! OH ok finally... and after much trying and dialing and waiting for literally DAYS worth of time on the phone, I got someone who gave me a very helpful suggestion, That I take an UBER ride as a rider down to San Diego to the car to pick it up and that Fair offers to pay for up to 100 miles worth of Uber ride to go pick up the vehicle... well great... I thanked the man for his offer and took him up on it, but it turns out it was 200 miles between Los Angeles and San Diego so that meant that I had to get TWO 100 mile long Uber rides and only 1 of them could be covered by the company called... Fair (this name is getting ironic, but wait... there's more)
c. Not only did I have to pay out of pocket for my second 100 mile ride to pick up the car in San Diego, but the first 100 mile ride was "paid for" by Fair in the form of a gift card... yes.. a gift card which I could only use at select stores such as Nordstroms, Banana Republic, Gap, Old Navy, etc... I don't know what gave them the impression that a guy who drives Uber for a living would need to shop at Banana Republic and how a gift card for Banana Republic is in any way a form of compensation for hundreds of dollars worth of UBER rides down to pick up a rental car that they were supposed to deliver to me completely free if they didn't have an asinine Change of Address Policy that also includes "You can't change your address with Fair unless you have been renting from Fair for at least 40 days"... so it was a perpetual catch 22, since I can't get it delivered to me if I don't have an up to date address, AND I can't change said address without having had rented a car from Fair for 40 days... This should have been a red flag from the get go, but I was getting pretty desperate since I needed a vehicle to not only drive for Uber, but I needed a vehicle to get anywhere period, and not only was I running out of savings fast, but I also had to get a reliable way to get to auditions... and at this point I was taking the metroline and buses and it would take like a 6 hour round trip to get to auditions downtown from Chatsworth by bus... it was insanity and I really really needed a car... so I here I was... Fair has me cornered, despite their nonsensical policies... SO I picked up my Fair vehicle which I found out didn't belong to Fair, but an actual car dealership doing this program with Fair... so... essentially Fair has no capital invested... they have a contractual agreement with car dealerships to rent their cars, and then they have an agreement with Uber to rent cars to Uber drivers that Uber approves of... and so all they do is B2B service and their service is GOD AWFUL? I should have known better, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that...
So I got my car from Fair, and the car was really nice! I drove it 200 miles back to where I lived so that the round trip cost me upwards of $200 in gas and Uber trip costs... I got a car that I had to make an immediate down payment for and my first month's car rental cost as well, and on top of that and I got a 100 dollar gift card to freakin Banana Republic... great... let's get started with my Actual experiences driving with Fair shall we?
The Fair Rental price for my car was a little over 800 dollars per month for the car which includes their Fair Insurance for the car. Except it wasn't a month to month agreement, it was weekly. SO every WEEK I had to pay 200 dollars to Fair for insurance and car rental. Ok that meant that on top of my gas costs (which was thankfully low due to me driving that Prius and stopping on the side of the road between rides) I had to pay 200 bucks every week out of what I was making as an Uber Driver... at that point I was making on average 100 dollars a day (not taking into account gas and taxes I'll have to pay), so actually with all things considered for every 100 dollars I made I had to pay 20 dollars in gas and a bit of taxes as well as income tax, so for a 10 hour work day as an Uber Driver I was making roughly 60 bucks a day. I was working EVERY DAY and driving about 10 hours a day in the hostile Los Angeles traffic, and it was a living hell... I started struggling with depression and anxiety after the first assault by a rider (which I will go into after this story with Fair), and things kept getting out of hand and it was like I had to put out fires left and right.
In any case, I was barely surviving at this point and about 2 months into driving this Prius that I rented from Fair, I got a notice on my Uber app telling me that in a month my car registration would expire. I immediately called Fair Support (waiting the typical 30 minutes to 2 hours on the phone queue like a solid American), to tell them that I needed my Fair vehicle insurance to be updated and sent to me ASAP. I was told I would get the registration in the mail within 5-7 business days... two weeks later it still didn't happen, so I called them again (waiting for another 2 hours on the phone queue), and they said that I should be patient at wait... so I waited and three days before the expiration of my car registration I called yet again... and got the same response... please wait... so I did, and after my car registration DID expire, the Uber app locked me out of being able to drive for Uber, since I had an expired car registration. Great... I couldn't work for money... but wait there more! I was still getting charged 200 dollars a week for the Fair vehicle WITH NO REGISTRATION. I called them AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN practically once a day (one time I actually had to wait for 6 hours on the phone since registration is not handled by Fair Support but by Fair Concierge and Fair Concierge is only accessed by first calling Fair Support, waiting the god awful 2 hours then transferring over to Fair Concierge and waiting for another 2 eternities to get to speak with a human... but this one time I waited 6 hours...) And finally after 4 weeks... I got my new Fair Registration and new license plates for my vehicles... and I had to pay for all 4 weeks according to this company called... wait for it... FAIR. They told me that this was indeed unfair when I called them out on it and they did what again??? You guessed it... another Banana Republic gift card that can't be used to pay Rent, can't be used to pay for Gas, and can't be used to pay for my Fair Car Rental... so it does butt fuck nothing (excuse my Americanism), unless I needed some fancy clothes in a real hurry.
SO at this point I'm severely in debt and I had a maxed out credit card, and moving forward I worked 12 hour shifts, was constantly suicidal and needed my agent to submit me to an actual audition which she hasn't done for over 8 months at that point... and of course in LA anytime you call your agent to speak with them they say "I'm too busy right now"... shit got real (excuse my Americanism).
A few months later, I spoke with my parents about potentially getting help from them to pay a down payment for a car so that I can start financing my own car and pay a lot less each month towards buying my own car, than what I was paying for an UNFAIR company's vehicle.
My mother actually flew over to where I lived in LA and she fronted me the down payment to my brand new 2020 Toyota Corolla Hybrid... and I negotiated with the dealership to get my monthly payments down to about 400 dollars a month. That was half of what I was paying Fair... and this time around this is my OWN car that I'll be paying towards instead of just a rental.
Well... This makes sense then to return my Fair Vehicle right? Yeah... you can already anticipate the stress can't you? But wait, there's more!
Not only did it take a long time for Fair Concierge to come pick up the car... (adding another extra two weeks that I had to pay for the car), but once they picked it up, they continued to charge me weekly for a vehicle I no longer had... I called repeated for Fair to stop charging me but they didn't stop charging me and said it was "included in my contract" that I had to keep paying for Fair even after returning my vehicle. I nearly thought of finding the nearest Fair company location and shooting up the place. But calmer reasoning took over and I decided to simply take this to the law. I went to Court and got all the paperwork necessary to file a Small Claims against the Fair Company. I then was told that in order to serve them and press charges against them, I have to first give them FAIR WARNING ahead of time... SO I called them repeatedly (you know... again and again.. 5 hour phone queues to speak with the correct department who can actually DO something), and then finally I gave up and emailed them instead because I needed evidence for court that I actually contacted them and notified them that if they didn't stop charging me I'm taking this to a court of law. Well, they didn't stop, but I tried something else. I called my bank. I told them about the whole situation and how I want to dispute all charges made to my account by Fair since the date when I returned my vehicle. AND I wanted to dispute all charges made to my account by Fair for the four weeks I didn't have an up to date car registration. My bank's fraud department was on my side for this and helped me out with disputing all these charges and refunding me about $1000 dollars. I provided them with all the necessary documentation including screenshots of my Uber App dates when I didn't work due to the car registration issue, the dates on my car registration both old and new. I have EVERY legal piece of evidence to win my case in court and I knew it.
And once this happened the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak in Americanism) because Fair Support started to call me for money almost 24/7. I got a kick out of that one because I left a very special voice mail response and purposefully ignored all unknown calls. I won't give you my voicemail response on here but needless to say, any Fair representative got a taste of the FAIR support treatment, and was properly served legally that "I will take you to court if you want to pursue this further, and I have all the evidence to win the case".
Eventually the calls from Fair dwindled down to maybe once in a month and I'd laugh at their face when they told me they worked for Fair. Sorry but you guys deserve to be mocked... Fair company if you see this, FUCK YOU (excuse my Americanism).
Lesson 3: Do NOT ever, and I mean EVER rent a vehicle from Fair. They are UNFAIR, have shit service, long phone queues of upwards of 6 hours if you need to talk to someone who can actually change your address or do anything to your account with them... and they charge you even after you've returned your vehicle because "it's in the contract" ... yeah don't ever rent from Fair. EVER. Let this business rot in hell.
Story 3: I got assaulted in my vehicle two separate occasions as an Uber Driver
So... around February of 2019 I drove on the super bowl weekend and the team in LA apparently lost (sorry I don't follow sports... I'm more of an esports kinda guy), and I heard about it all night while driving Uber. I've already had my fair share of drunk people as a driver and I was used to it at this time and I get a lot of rides at night on weekends just like this one or so I thought...
I pulled up to a house to pick some guy up named Bob. Bob and his friend came to my car... and well, let's just say Bob is probably over 500 lbs because it took him 10 minutes to squeeze/wedge/slam/shove himself through the door of my car, took up the entire backseat with his butt and made the entire car sink down with his weight. His friend in comparison is your healthy average American of 200 lb beer belly kinda guy. They were both drunk and talking about football and I tuned them out to drive as per usual.
Then about 5 minutes into the ride, Bob fell asleep in the back of my car and woke up confused and upset and asked "Where are you taking me?" in a panicked tone of voice. His friend reassured him "we're going to the hotel, Bob, relax!" But Bob wouldn't have any of it, no, you see, BOB here thought I might have been abducting him to prove aliens existed ... or something. I'm not a mind reader ok? But he then decided the best response was to start groping me, placing both his hands on my chest. I'm a guy... but still... don't touch my nipples??? I do NOT give consent!
Well, I asked him politely or as politely as I could manage, "sir, would you mind not touching me please?" His friend looked over his shoulder at him and went "What are you doing, Bob? It's ok, just relax".
Bob reacted in anger. He didn't like being told what to do. He didn't like that he doesn't just get to grope his Uber driver. So Bob did what he thought was best, to show people how strong he was. Bob grabbed my seat belt from behind me with both hands and started to strangle me.
I was at this point driving on the 118 high way and I was going around 55 miles per hour. I started to see stars, and I tried desperately to free my airway while maintaining control of my car (This was the orange toyota Prius I was renting from Fair). I thought in my mind, "Oh shit, so this is how it ends... how undignified".... and I was almost about to pass out but I got some more circulation because Bob's friend was helping me pull the seatbelt down... I also pulled down so that instead of it being on my neck it was on my collarbone, and I could breath again but barely, the seatbelt was pressed against my collar bone with enough force to feel like I was in a major car accident, except Bob kept crushing it against me by leaning back with it and pulling with his weight. I thought about pulling over... even just abandoning the vehicle to run for my life... but instead I was in a state of shock and drove them to their destination which was a hotel...
Uber had another customer lined up for me... so I took the next rider in a slightly dazed and confused state... I was probably not safe to drive at that point but I wasn't even really aware... I was kind of on auto pilot at that point, but I told the next drunk passenger what happened, and she said she was the wife of a cop, and that I should call the cops immediately. So after I dropped HER off I called 911, and the police came to where I lived and got my report, and took pictures of my now bruised collarbone and neck area. I was asked if I wanted to press charges and I said I did, and they told me I'd hear from the District Attorney's office in about 3 weeks.
I waited... Nothing ... The DA's office never reached out to me...
I was depressed and had PTSD from this incident and it was so bad that I couldn't go out the next day to get back to work as an Uber Driver. I couldn't go out to work the day after that... nor the next week... I had to take a full month off. My roommates (one of whom was the house mom sorta, and was rather Jewish in both descent and behavior) instead of showing sympathy or being compassionate was trying to evict me or threatening to since I was late on rent, and I had to call my mom to help me at the time with rent.
I tried to work up the courage to drive again, but for that whole month the best I could do was sit in my car and cry.
And guess what? Wouldn't you know it... because wait... there's more.
The very first night I started to feel better enough to go drive again... the very first customer that night, was a drunk guy... who held a switch blade to my throat.
Yup... it went something like this... he got in... he asked where I'm from in a friendly tone... both him and his friend were drunk off their ass and having a good time. I told him I'm from the Bay Area from northern california and they said "NorCal? You better not say Hella". I'm like, "Ok, sure thing, I won't say Hella" because I suppose it's a bit of a stereotype that Northern Californians like to say "hella" like "oh that's Hella cool man!" for extra emphasis. And I took it in stride and laughed and said I won't say hella if it bothered him, and actually I don't say it that often anymore anyways since I've been living in LA for acting.
But then he pulled out his switch blade and held it to my throat. "Don't fucking say hella".
"I won't dude."
"Don't you fucking say it! I'm warning you!"
"I won't say it..."
I just kept driving, hands on the wheel, eyes on the road... my heart actually stopped dead at one point. My mind was just a total blank.
This guy literally drops his knife on seat next to me on his way out of my car when I dropped him off... I looked at him and asked him to "please remove your knife from my car" and nodded to it... I could have driven off with it as evidence... but I just... was done at this point. He looked at the knife then back at me... then paused and realized at that moment what he just did. I waited for what seemed like 10 minutes as he stood there eyeing me...
I mean, I actually wasn't scared for my life this time. Not because I wasn't in any danger, but he was drunk and thought this whole time that this was a joke and that he was using his knife for emphasis. That was what my read on the situation was, and that was why I wasn't driving away in a panic. I wasn't scared for my life in that moment, and I just wanted to be done with him...
He took his knife from my car and closed the door, and tipped me on the app. I drove off. And didn't drive for another week. But I was financially destitute and in debt and living off of food stamps at this point so I had to get back on the road despite the PTSD... in fact, the next time I got a Bob as a customer for my "next ride", I promptly pulled over, almost threw up, and declined the ride.
I eventually called the DA's (District Attorney)'s office to see what's going on and what's taking them so long to let me press charges. I found out my case was dropped. Dropped?! I was told that there's no evidence...
I was outraged. I had all the evidence in the world. I had my Uber app which documents the ride took place. I have his address. I have his name. I have the time stamp of when the ride started, when the ride ended, and I also have the timestamp for the police report, not to mention they took photos of my neck injury.
And I called the person in charge of my case... some guy named Minoui... He told me he dropped the case because Bob had a witness and it was his friend who testified that nothing happened. That this case was just a he said she said at this point. I told him about the pile of evidence I had on my side and how I didn't even get asked by the DA my side of the story or whether I had evidence and that I have a PHOTO of my injuries. He said "oh" like he didn't realize that, then said that the case is closed, that he has years of experience (Tone of voice was condescending like he was talking to a kid) and that even if we put this in front of a judge we can't get a conviction because the jury has to vote unanimously. I told him I wanted it in a court of law anyway and that he didn't have the right to be judge and jury for my case, and then he told me rudely that he did as a DA and hung up on me. I tried to "speak to a manager" by calling his higher up, and his higher up just backed him up... told me I had no case, that the guy had no priors so he's "unimpeachable", I told him " so I can just go out and murder someone and you don't even put my case in a court because I have no priors so I'm UNIMPEACHABLE?" He said there's not enough evidence of injury, that I didn't have a doctor's diagnosis, nor do I have video evidence. I didn't bring up that the guy was WHITE and I'm a minority (Asian) but essentially that's what it felt was going on at that point in the conversation, and I just hung up on this prick, I then called the County Superintendent/Supervisers... Super something ... Board of Trustteess? Fuck I don't know, important douchebags paid to look important who signs off on paperwork that affects the lives of many. Some librarian told me that's who is in charge of the DA schmucks. SO I called them and THEY told me that it was perfectly in the right of the DA to decide what gets put in front of a judge and what doesn't get put in front of a judge and please stop swearing. I told them they can go... well you know what I told them (excuse my Americanism).
It was at this point I also called Uber Support for further evidence. Some Indian guy with a heavy accent replied on the phone and said "I'm bery bery sori sir, but I cunt dew anyting about dis, but I understand your frustratin' and I cunt halp yew with dis. We cannot give out information about our passengers". I was just asking for information to use as proof to reopen my case mind you, but they just wouldn't budge on the phone with me, so THAT's how much Uber cares for the safety of their drivers... ZILCH... NADA, UBER DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM THEIR MONEY.
Lesson 4: I put a camera in my car now on my dash and I point it directly at me for my own protection whenever I drive now... that's the only way you can prove some white drunk asshole strangled you in your car apparently. If you're a minority and you drive ride share, I suggest you do the same. If you're white, you don't worry about a thing, the law's got your back.
submitted by Howhowhathere to uberdrivers [link] [comments]


2020.02.16 20:23 Howhowhathere My experiences as an Uber Driver, Fair (car rental) customer, and Lyft Driver (LONG)

As you all may know by now, Uber and Lyft have become quite common as apps that replaced Taxis for the most part in major cities and towns as a way to get a ride, and it's a service provided by individual contractors like myself who use a different app as the ride provider to earn an income or sometimes it is marketed as a way to have a "side hustle" to make more income on top of a main job.
I want to share my personal horror stories as a driver and user of these apps as well as offer some incite to other drivers out there on the road. I hope we can all learn from my experiences.
For starters, I'm an actor in Los Angeles so instead of waiting tables or trying to be a bartender, (or turning to prostitution for that matter), I decided to make an income through ride share driving to get myself some flexibility to my schedule for acting auditions (usually at short notice).
Story 1: Early days of Rideshare Driving.
Initially I had my own used 2002 Volkswagen Passat, and it was a car I grew up with and loved and it was very reliable. I signed up solely with Uber at first and in the early days of the app when they gave out incentives and "rush hour" bonuses. In the early days it was very hard to make any money driving the app unless you specifically targeted those large 2x and sometimes 7x earning bonuses. Based on my miles per gallon on my Volkswagen I was actually only making about 3 dollars per hour during most of the day due to the infrequent rides, due to my gas cost, and due to the fact that Uber took a large portion of my earnings per ride. And at that time if I drove during the busy rush hours to catch bonuses, I earned about 20 dollars per hour or sometimes even 30 depending on traffic and how fast I can dodge through it to get another ride with a massive bonus. Of course this wasn't healthy for the long run and it was VERY HARD to earn a steady income and caused a LOT of stress due to having to drive during rush hour traffic in downtown LA to even earn something close to a minimum wage job on average since rush hour only lasted about 2-3 hours each day and the rest of the day it's very hard to get any customers other than the early adopters.
Lesson 1: What I learned during this time is to look at the formula of how we got paid, and to calculate my own gas costs, (also taxes!) to see just how much am I actually earning per hour and to look for ways to lower my own costs down and make more money. I found that the best practice is to turn on the app but park my car somewhere in a decently busy area when I'm in between rides instead of driving around burning gas looking for new rides. This significantly lowered my gas costs down and I am also reducing traffic by doing this! I allowed the App to look for rides and nearby customers for me and I drove a lot less. Think of in between rides as breaks...
Lesson 2: There's a pattern to when there's more demand for rides and I found different times to be on the road that worked for me. It didn't have to be rush hour traffic in 5PM LA, it could be also early mornings when people were waking up to go to work early in the morning, or going to the airport! And it was VERY profitable to pick up long rides back then as it reduced the time between waiting for new rides and I earned a lot more whenever I found these longer rides!
Story 2: Car Problems and the disgusting business called Fair.
My Volkswagen eventually started breaking down and having problems, this happened repeated over the course of 2 years with me having to repeatedly pay large sums to fix my car and at first it was just to change the car batteries, and small expenses... but then soon it started to get really crazy with timing belt changes, and then when the car overheated from a coolant leak that (suspiciously happened immediately after I had an oil change done by a shady mechanic) I had damage to the engine from the overheating... and that was when I knew, fixing my car wasn't going to be worth it... I started eating parking tickets for "abandoned vehicle" which also doubled several times because I didn't know that my car would get ticketed for even being parked... and a long story short I couldn't pay $2000 to fix the car when it was my main source of income and I couldn't sell it since it was broken, and I had to junk it.
In comes my idea to rent a vehicle instead! Haha, that might have sounded like a smart idea at the time, and it was also at the time when Fair partnered up with Uber to offer rental cars. I tried to get a car from Fair and this is what happened:
Initially I called Fair support to see when I can get to pick up the vehicle I wanted... a nice little orange 2016 Toyota Prius with barely 9000 miles on it. They told me the car was in San Diego... Keep in mind I don't have a car at this point and I lived in Los Angeles. I asked them if they could deliver it to me and they told me yes, but at this point Uber has my address as Glendale, which was a while ago when I first signed up with Uber, and of course as an actor who barely lives rent to rent, I had to move around quite often, so this was no longer my current address at the time. I told the Fair support that that was not my address and that I lived in Chatsworth... well that was a disaster, because they told me because my address is no longer up to date, I can't get the car delivered to me by the Fair Concierge team... and ooook? SO what do you want me to do, Fair? They told me to change my address with them, and I went "ok great! let's do that" but Fair Support doesn't have the authorization to change the address on my Fair account... NO... that's something only the Fair Concierge team can do for me and they are only accessible through first calling the Fair Support team on their support line... waiting between 30 minutes to 2 hours on the phone for someone to pick up, tell them to transfer me to the Fair Concierge team so I can change my address, then waiting another 2 hours or so for the Fair Concierge team to pick up the phone and talk about changing my Address with them. And here's how THAT interaction went:
a. They told me I needed to provide proof of address... and again as an actor who moved around a lot, I typically sublet a single room and have no utility bills and no pay stubs to use since hey guess what, I'm an UBER DRIVER. This is a conversation after 2-3 hours waiting between Fair Support, then transferring to Fair Concierge....
b. I called repeatedly asking them to change my address, I literally stood outside my new address with my phone and took pictures of me next to the mailbox number... and held up a sign with the street name, and they told me they can't accept that... so I had to try MANY different times calling them to see if this works, no? Ok how about this other thing I got in the mail? NO? Could somebody please give me a LIST of the acceptable proof of address documents?! OH ok finally... and after much trying and dialing and waiting for literally DAYS worth of time on the phone, I got someone who gave me a very helpful suggestion, That I take an UBER ride as a rider down to San Diego to the car to pick it up and that Fair offers to pay for up to 100 miles worth of Uber ride to go pick up the vehicle... well great... I thanked the man for his offer and took him up on it, but it turns out it was 200 miles between Los Angeles and San Diego so that meant that I had to get TWO 100 mile long Uber rides and only 1 of them could be covered by the company called... Fair (this name is getting ironic, but wait... there's more)
c. Not only did I have to pay out of pocket for my second 100 mile ride to pick up the car in San Diego, but the first 100 mile ride was "paid for" by Fair in the form of a gift card... yes.. a gift card which I could only use at select stores such as Nordstroms, Banana Republic, Gap, Old Navy, etc... I don't know what gave them the impression that a guy who drives Uber for a living would need to shop at Banana Republic and how a gift card for Banana Republic is in any way a form of compensation for hundreds of dollars worth of UBER rides down to pick up a rental car that they were supposed to deliver to me completely free if they didn't have an asinine Change of Address Policy that also includes "You can't change your address with Fair unless you have been renting from Fair for at least 40 days"... so it was a perpetual catch 22, since I can't get it delivered to me if I don't have an up to date address, AND I can't change said address without having had rented a car from Fair for 40 days... This should have been a red flag from the get go, but I was getting pretty desperate since I needed a vehicle to not only drive for Uber, but I needed a vehicle to get anywhere period, and not only was I running out of savings fast, but I also had to get a reliable way to get to auditions... and at this point I was taking the metroline and buses and it would take like a 6 hour round trip to get to auditions downtown from Chatsworth by bus... it was insanity and I really really needed a car... so I here I was... Fair has me cornered, despite their nonsensical policies... SO I picked up my Fair vehicle which I found out didn't belong to Fair, but an actual car dealership doing this program with Fair... so... essentially Fair has no capital invested... they have a contractual agreement with car dealerships to rent their cars, and then they have an agreement with Uber to rent cars to Uber drivers that Uber approves of... and so all they do is B2B service and their service is GOD AWFUL? I should have known better, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that...
So I got my car from Fair, and the car was really nice! I drove it 200 miles back to where I lived so that the round trip cost me upwards of $200 in gas and Uber trip costs... I got a car that I had to make an immediate down payment for and my first month's car rental cost as well, and on top of that and I got a 100 dollar gift card to freakin Banana Republic... great... let's get started with my Actual experiences driving with Fair shall we?
The Fair Rental price for my car was a little over 800 dollars per month for the car which includes their Fair Insurance for the car. Except it wasn't a month to month agreement, it was weekly. SO every WEEK I had to pay 200 dollars to Fair for insurance and car rental. Ok that meant that on top of my gas costs (which was thankfully low due to me driving that Prius and stopping on the side of the road between rides) I had to pay 200 bucks every week out of what I was making as an Uber Driver... at that point I was making on average 100 dollars a day (not taking into account gas and taxes I'll have to pay), so actually with all things considered for every 100 dollars I made I had to pay 20 dollars in gas and a bit of taxes as well as income tax, so for a 10 hour work day as an Uber Driver I was making roughly 60 bucks a day. I was working EVERY DAY and driving about 10 hours a day in the hostile Los Angeles traffic, and it was a living hell... I started struggling with depression and anxiety after the first assault by a rider (which I will go into after this story with Fair), and things kept getting out of hand and it was like I had to put out fires left and right.
In any case, I was barely surviving at this point and about 2 months into driving this Prius that I rented from Fair, I got a notice on my Uber app telling me that in a month my car registration would expire. I immediately called Fair Support (waiting the typical 30 minutes to 2 hours on the phone queue like a solid American), to tell them that I needed my Fair vehicle insurance to be updated and sent to me ASAP. I was told I would get the registration in the mail within 5-7 business days... two weeks later it still didn't happen, so I called them again (waiting for another 2 hours on the phone queue), and they said that I should be patient at wait... so I waited and three days before the expiration of my car registration I called yet again... and got the same response... please wait... so I did, and after my car registration DID expire, the Uber app locked me out of being able to drive for Uber, since I had an expired car registration. Great... I couldn't work for money... but wait there more! I was still getting charged 200 dollars a week for the Fair vehicle WITH NO REGISTRATION. I called them AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN practically once a day (one time I actually had to wait for 6 hours on the phone since registration is not handled by Fair Support but by Fair Concierge and Fair Concierge is only accessed by first calling Fair Support, waiting the god awful 2 hours then transferring over to Fair Concierge and waiting for another 2 eternities to get to speak with a human... but this one time I waited 6 hours...) And finally after 4 weeks... I got my new Fair Registration and new license plates for my vehicles... and I had to pay for all 4 weeks according to this company called... wait for it... FAIR. They told me that this was indeed unfair when I called them out on it and they did what again??? You guessed it... another Banana Republic gift card that can't be used to pay Rent, can't be used to pay for Gas, and can't be used to pay for my Fair Car Rental... so it does butt fuck nothing (excuse my Americanism), unless I needed some fancy clothes in a real hurry.
SO at this point I'm severely in debt and I had a maxed out credit card, and moving forward I worked 12 hour shifts, was constantly suicidal and needed my agent to submit me to an actual audition which she hasn't done for over 8 months at that point... and of course in LA anytime you call your agent to speak with them they say "I'm too busy right now"... shit got real (excuse my Americanism).
A few months later, I spoke with my parents about potentially getting help from them to pay a down payment for a car so that I can start financing my own car and pay a lot less each month towards buying my own car, than what I was paying for an UNFAIR company's vehicle.
My mother actually flew over to where I lived in LA and she fronted me the down payment to my brand new 2020 Toyota Corolla Hybrid... and I negotiated with the dealership to get my monthly payments down to about 400 dollars a month. That was half of what I was paying Fair... and this time around this is my OWN car that I'll be paying towards instead of just a rental.
Well... This makes sense then to return my Fair Vehicle right? Yeah... you can already anticipate the stress can't you? But wait, there's more!
Not only did it take a long time for Fair Concierge to come pick up the car... (adding another extra two weeks that I had to pay for the car), but once they picked it up, they continued to charge me weekly for a vehicle I no longer had... I called repeated for Fair to stop charging me but they didn't stop charging me and said it was "included in my contract" that I had to keep paying for Fair even after returning my vehicle. I nearly thought of finding the nearest Fair company location and shooting up the place. But calmer reasoning took over and I decided to simply take this to the law. I went to Court and got all the paperwork necessary to file a Small Claims against the Fair Company. I then was told that in order to serve them and press charges against them, I have to first give them FAIR WARNING ahead of time... SO I called them repeatedly (you know... again and again.. 5 hour phone queues to speak with the correct department who can actually DO something), and then finally I gave up and emailed them instead because I needed evidence for court that I actually contacted them and notified them that if they didn't stop charging me I'm taking this to a court of law. Well, they didn't stop, but I tried something else. I called my bank. I told them about the whole situation and how I want to dispute all charges made to my account by Fair since the date when I returned my vehicle. AND I wanted to dispute all charges made to my account by Fair for the four weeks I didn't have an up to date car registration. My bank's fraud department was on my side for this and helped me out with disputing all these charges and refunding me about $1000 dollars. I provided them with all the necessary documentation including screenshots of my Uber App dates when I didn't work due to the car registration issue, the dates on my car registration both old and new. I have EVERY legal piece of evidence to win my case in court and I knew it.
And once this happened the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak in Americanism) because Fair Support started to call me for money almost 24/7. I got a kick out of that one because I left a very special voice mail response and purposefully ignored all unknown calls. I won't give you my voicemail response on here but needless to say, any Fair representative got a taste of the FAIR support treatment, and was properly served legally that "I will take you to court if you want to pursue this further, and I have all the evidence to win the case".
Eventually the calls from Fair dwindled down to maybe once in a month and I'd laugh at their face when they told me they worked for Fair. Sorry but you guys deserve to be mocked... Fair company if you see this, FUCK YOU (excuse my Americanism).
Lesson 3: Do NOT ever, and I mean EVER rent a vehicle from Fair. They are UNFAIR, have shit service, long phone queues of upwards of 6 hours if you need to talk to someone who can actually change your address or do anything to your account with them... and they charge you even after you've returned your vehicle because "it's in the contract" ... yeah don't ever rent from Fair. EVER. Let this business rot in hell.
Story 3: I got assaulted in my vehicle two separate occasions as an Uber Driver
So... around February of 2019 I drove on the super bowl weekend and the team in LA apparently lost (sorry I don't follow sports... I'm more of an esports kinda guy), and I heard about it all night while driving Uber. I've already had my fair share of drunk people as a driver and I was used to it at this time and I get a lot of rides at night on weekends just like this one or so I thought...
I pulled up to a house to pick some guy up named Bob. Bob and his friend came to my car... and well, let's just say Bob is probably over 500 lbs because it took him 10 minutes to squeeze/wedge/slam/shove himself through the door of my car, took up the entire backseat with his butt and made the entire car sink down with his weight. His friend in comparison is your healthy average American of 200 lb beer belly kinda guy. They were both drunk and talking about football and I tuned them out to drive as per usual.
Then about 5 minutes into the ride, Bob fell asleep in the back of my car and woke up confused and upset and asked "Where are you taking me?" in a panicked tone of voice. His friend reassured him "we're going to the hotel, Bob, relax!" But Bob wouldn't have any of it, no, you see, BOB here thought I might have been abducting him to prove aliens existed ... or something. I'm not a mind reader ok? But he then decided the best response was to start groping me, placing both his hands on my chest. I'm a guy... but still... don't touch my nipples??? I do NOT give consent!
Well, I asked him politely or as politely as I could manage, "sir, would you mind not touching me please?" His friend looked over his shoulder at him and went "What are you doing, Bob? It's ok, just relax".
Bob reacted in anger. He didn't like being told what to do. He didn't like that he doesn't just get to grope his Uber driver. So Bob did what he thought was best, to show people how strong he was. Bob grabbed my seat belt from behind me with both hands and started to strangle me.
I was at this point driving on the 118 high way and I was going around 55 miles per hour. I started to see stars, and I tried desperately to free my airway while maintaining control of my car (This was the orange toyota Prius I was renting from Fair). I thought in my mind, "Oh shit, so this is how it ends... how undignified".... and I was almost about to pass out but I got some more circulation because Bob's friend was helping me pull the seatbelt down... I also pulled down so that instead of it being on my neck it was on my collarbone, and I could breath again but barely, the seatbelt was pressed against my collar bone with enough force to feel like I was in a major car accident, except Bob kept crushing it against me by leaning back with it and pulling with his weight. I thought about pulling over... even just abandoning the vehicle to run for my life... but instead I was in a state of shock and drove them to their destination which was a hotel...
Uber had another customer lined up for me... so I took the next rider in a slightly dazed and confused state... I was probably not safe to drive at that point but I wasn't even really aware... I was kind of on auto pilot at that point, but I told the next drunk passenger what happened, and she said she was the wife of a cop, and that I should call the cops immediately. So after I dropped HER off I called 911, and the police came to where I lived and got my report, and took pictures of my now bruised collarbone and neck area. I was asked if I wanted to press charges and I said I did, and they told me I'd hear from the District Attorney's office in about 3 weeks.
I waited... Nothing ... The DA's office never reached out to me...
I was depressed and had PTSD from this incident and it was so bad that I couldn't go out the next day to get back to work as an Uber Driver. I couldn't go out to work the day after that... nor the next week... I had to take a full month off. My roommates (one of whom was the house mom sorta, and was rather Jewish in both descent and behavior) instead of showing sympathy or being compassionate was trying to evict me or threatening to since I was late on rent, and I had to call my mom to help me at the time with rent.
I tried to work up the courage to drive again, but for that whole month the best I could do was sit in my car and cry.
And guess what? Wouldn't you know it... because wait... there's more.
The very first night I started to feel better enough to go drive again... the very first customer that night, was a drunk guy... who held a switch blade to my throat.
Yup... it went something like this... he got in... he asked where I'm from in a friendly tone... both him and his friend were drunk off their ass and having a good time. I told him I'm from the Bay Area from northern california and they said "NorCal? You better not say Hella". I'm like, "Ok, sure thing, I won't say Hella" because I suppose it's a bit of a stereotype that Northern Californians like to say "hella" like "oh that's Hella cool man!" for extra emphasis. And I took it in stride and laughed and said I won't say hella if it bothered him, and actually I don't say it that often anymore anyways since I've been living in LA for acting.
But then he pulled out his switch blade and held it to my throat. "Don't fucking say hella".
"I won't dude."
"Don't you fucking say it! I'm warning you!"
"I won't say it..."
I just kept driving, hands on the wheel, eyes on the road... my heart actually stopped dead at one point. My mind was just a total blank.
This guy literally drops his knife on seat next to me on his way out of my car when I dropped him off... I looked at him and asked him to "please remove your knife from my car" and nodded to it... I could have driven off with it as evidence... but I just... was done at this point. He looked at the knife then back at me... then paused and realized at that moment what he just did. I waited for what seemed like 10 minutes as he stood there eyeing me...
I mean, I actually wasn't scared for my life this time. Not because I wasn't in any danger, but he was drunk and thought this whole time that this was a joke and that he was using his knife for emphasis. That was what my read on the situation was, and that was why I wasn't driving away in a panic. I wasn't scared for my life in that moment, and I just wanted to be done with him...
He took his knife from my car and closed the door, and tipped me on the app. I drove off. And didn't drive for another week. But I was financially destitute and in debt and living off of food stamps at this point so I had to get back on the road despite the PTSD... in fact, the next time I got a Bob as a customer for my "next ride", I promptly pulled over, almost threw up, and declined the ride.
I eventually called the DA's (District Attorney)'s office to see what's going on and what's taking them so long to let me press charges. I found out my case was dropped. Dropped?! I was told that there's no evidence...
I was outraged. I had all the evidence in the world. I had my Uber app which documents the ride took place. I have his address. I have his name. I have the time stamp of when the ride started, when the ride ended, and I also have the timestamp for the police report, not to mention they took photos of my neck injury.
And I called the person in charge of my case... some guy named Minoui... He told me he dropped the case because Bob had a witness and it was his friend who testified that nothing happened. That this case was just a he said she said at this point. I told him about the pile of evidence I had on my side and how I didn't even get asked by the DA my side of the story or whether I had evidence and that I have a PHOTO of my injuries. He said "oh" like he didn't realize that, then said that the case is closed, that he has years of experience (Tone of voice was condescending like he was talking to a kid) and that even if we put this in front of a judge we can't get a conviction because the jury has to vote unanimously. I told him I wanted it in a court of law anyway and that he didn't have the right to be judge and jury for my case, and then he told me rudely that he did as a DA and hung up on me. I tried to "speak to a manager" by calling his higher up, and his higher up just backed him up... told me I had no case, that the guy had no priors so he's "unimpeachable", I told him " so I can just go out and murder someone and you don't even put my case in a court because I have no priors so I'm UNIMPEACHABLE?" He said there's not enough evidence of injury, that I didn't have a doctor's diagnosis, nor do I have video evidence. I didn't bring up that the guy was WHITE and I'm a minority (Asian) but essentially that's what it felt was going on at that point in the conversation, and I just hung up on this prick, I then called the County Superintendent/Supervisers... Super something ... Board of Trustteess? Fuck I don't know, important douchebags paid to look important who signs off on paperwork that affects the lives of many. Some librarian told me that's who is in charge of the DA schmucks. SO I called them and THEY told me that it was perfectly in the right of the DA to decide what gets put in front of a judge and what doesn't get put in front of a judge and please stop swearing. I told them they can go... well you know what I told them (excuse my Americanism).
It was at this point I also called Uber Support for further evidence. Some Indian guy with a heavy accent replied on the phone and said "I'm bery bery sori sir, but I cunt dew anyting about dis, but I understand your frustratin' and I cunt halp yew with dis. We cannot give out information about our passengers". I was just asking for information to use as proof to reopen my case mind you, but they just wouldn't budge on the phone with me, so THAT's how much Uber cares for the safety of their drivers... ZILCH... NADA, UBER DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM THEIR MONEY.
Lesson 4: I put a camera in my car now on my dash and I point it directly at me for my own protection whenever I drive now... that's the only way you can prove some white drunk asshole strangled you in your car apparently. If you're a minority and you drive ride share, I suggest you do the same. If you're white, you don't worry about a thing, the law's got your back.
submitted by Howhowhathere to lyftdrivers [link] [comments]


2020.02.16 20:19 Howhowhathere My experiences as an Uber driver, Lyft Driver, and Fair Vehicle Rental Customer.

As you all may know by now, Uber and Lyft have become quite common as apps that replaced Taxis for the most part in major cities and towns as a way to get a ride, and it's a service provided by individual contractors like myself who use a different app as the ride provider to earn an income or sometimes it is marketed as a way to have a "side hustle" to make more income on top of a main job.
I want to share my personal horror stories as a driver and user of these apps as well as offer some incite to other drivers out there on the road. I hope we can all learn from my experiences.
For starters, I'm an actor in Los Angeles so instead of waiting tables or trying to be a bartender, (or turning to prostitution for that matter), I decided to make an income through ride share driving to get myself some flexibility to my schedule for acting auditions (usually at short notice).

Story 1: Early days of Rideshare Driving.
Initially I had my own used 2002 Volkswagen Passat, and it was a car I grew up with and loved and it was very reliable. I signed up solely with Uber at first and in the early days of the app when they gave out incentives and "rush hour" bonuses. In the early days it was very hard to make any money driving the app unless you specifically targeted those large 2x and sometimes 7x earning bonuses. Based on my miles per gallon on my Volkswagen I was actually only making about 3 dollars per hour during most of the day due to the infrequent rides, due to my gas cost, and due to the fact that Uber took a large portion of my earnings per ride. And at that time if I drove during the busy rush hours to catch bonuses, I earned about 20 dollars per hour or sometimes even 30 depending on traffic and how fast I can dodge through it to get another ride with a massive bonus. Of course this wasn't healthy for the long run and it was VERY HARD to earn a steady income and caused a LOT of stress due to having to drive during rush hour traffic in downtown LA to even earn something close to a minimum wage job on average since rush hour only lasted about 2-3 hours each day and the rest of the day it's very hard to get any customers other than the early adopters.
Lesson 1: What I learned during this time is to look at the formula of how we got paid, and to calculate my own gas costs, (also taxes!) to see just how much am I actually earning per hour and to look for ways to lower my own costs down and make more money. I found that the best practice is to turn on the app but park my car somewhere in a decently busy area when I'm in between rides instead of driving around burning gas looking for new rides. This significantly lowered my gas costs down and I am also reducing traffic by doing this! I allowed the App to look for rides and nearby customers for me and I drove a lot less. Think of in between rides as breaks...
Lesson 2: There's a pattern to when there's more demand for rides and I found different times to be on the road that worked for me. It didn't have to be rush hour traffic in 5PM LA, it could be also early mornings when people were waking up to go to work early in the morning, or going to the airport! And it was VERY profitable to pick up long rides back then as it reduced the time between waiting for new rides and I earned a lot more whenever I found these longer rides!

Story 2: Car Problems and the disgusting business called Fair.
My Volkswagen eventually started breaking down and having problems, this happened repeated over the course of 2 years with me having to repeatedly pay large sums to fix my car and at first it was just to change the car batteries, and small expenses... but then soon it started to get really crazy with timing belt changes, and then when the car overheated from a coolant leak that (suspiciously happened immediately after I had an oil change done by a shady mechanic) I had damage to the engine from the overheating... and that was when I knew, fixing my car wasn't going to be worth it... I started eating parking tickets for "abandoned vehicle" which also doubled several times because I didn't know that my car would get ticketed for even being parked... and a long story short I couldn't pay $2000 to fix the car when it was my main source of income and I couldn't sell it since it was broken, and I had to junk it.
In comes my idea to rent a vehicle instead! Haha, that might have sounded like a smart idea at the time, and it was also at the time when Fair partnered up with Uber to offer rental cars. I tried to get a car from Fair and this is what happened:
Initially I called Fair support to see when I can get to pick up the vehicle I wanted... a nice little orange 2016 Toyota Prius with barely 9000 miles on it. They told me the car was in San Diego... Keep in mind I don't have a car at this point and I lived in Los Angeles. I asked them if they could deliver it to me and they told me yes, but at this point Uber has my address as Glendale, which was a while ago when I first signed up with Uber, and of course as an actor who barely lives rent to rent, I had to move around quite often, so this was no longer my current address at the time. I told the Fair support that that was not my address and that I lived in Chatsworth... well that was a disaster, because they told me because my address is no longer up to date, I can't get the car delivered to me by the Fair Concierge team... and ooook? SO what do you want me to do, Fair? They told me to change my address with them, and I went "ok great! let's do that" but Fair Support doesn't have the authorization to change the address on my Fair account... NO... that's something only the Fair Concierge team can do for me and they are only accessible through first calling the Fair Support team on their support line... waiting between 30 minutes to 2 hours on the phone for someone to pick up, tell them to transfer me to the Fair Concierge team so I can change my address, then waiting another 2 hours or so for the Fair Concierge team to pick up the phone and talk about changing my Address with them. And here's how THAT interaction went:
a. They told me I needed to provide proof of address... and again as an actor who moved around a lot, I typically sublet a single room and have no utility bills and no pay stubs to use since hey guess what, I'm an UBER DRIVER. This is a conversation after 2-3 hours waiting between Fair Support, then transferring to Fair Concierge....
b. I called repeatedly asking them to change my address, I literally stood outside my new address with my phone and took pictures of me next to the mailbox number... and held up a sign with the street name, and they told me they can't accept that... so I had to try MANY different times calling them to see if this works, no? Ok how about this other thing I got in the mail? NO? Could somebody please give me a LIST of the acceptable proof of address documents?! OH ok finally... and after much trying and dialing and waiting for literally DAYS worth of time on the phone, I got someone who gave me a very helpful suggestion, That I take an UBER ride as a rider down to San Diego to the car to pick it up and that Fair offers to pay for up to 100 miles worth of Uber ride to go pick up the vehicle... well great... I thanked the man for his offer and took him up on it, but it turns out it was 200 miles between Los Angeles and San Diego so that meant that I had to get TWO 100 mile long Uber rides and only 1 of them could be covered by the company called... Fair (this name is getting ironic, but wait... there's more)
c. Not only did I have to pay out of pocket for my second 100 mile ride to pick up the car in San Diego, but the first 100 mile ride was "paid for" by Fair in the form of a gift card... yes.. a gift card which I could only use at select stores such as Nordstroms, Banana Republic, Gap, Old Navy, etc... I don't know what gave them the impression that a guy who drives Uber for a living would need to shop at Banana Republic and how a gift card for Banana Republic is in any way a form of compensation for hundreds of dollars worth of UBER rides down to pick up a rental car that they were supposed to deliver to me completely free if they didn't have an asinine Change of Address Policy that also includes "You can't change your address with Fair unless you have been renting from Fair for at least 40 days"... so it was a perpetual catch 22, since I can't get it delivered to me if I don't have an up to date address, AND I can't change said address without having had rented a car from Fair for 40 days... This should have been a red flag from the get go, but I was getting pretty desperate since I needed a vehicle to not only drive for Uber, but I needed a vehicle to get anywhere period, and not only was I running out of savings fast, but I also had to get a reliable way to get to auditions... and at this point I was taking the metroline and buses and it would take like a 6 hour round trip to get to auditions downtown from Chatsworth by bus... it was insanity and I really really needed a car... so I here I was... Fair has me cornered, despite their nonsensical policies... SO I picked up my Fair vehicle which I found out didn't belong to Fair, but an actual car dealership doing this program with Fair... so... essentially Fair has no capital invested... they have a contractual agreement with car dealerships to rent their cars, and then they have an agreement with Uber to rent cars to Uber drivers that Uber approves of... and so all they do is B2B service and their service is GOD AWFUL? I should have known better, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that...
So I got my car from Fair, and the car was really nice! I drove it 200 miles back to where I lived so that the round trip cost me upwards of $200 in gas and Uber trip costs... I got a car that I had to make an immediate down payment for and my first month's car rental cost as well, and on top of that and I got a 100 dollar gift card to freakin Banana Republic... great... let's get started with my Actual experiences driving with Fair shall we?
The Fair Rental price for my car was a little over 800 dollars per month for the car which includes their Fair Insurance for the car. Except it wasn't a month to month agreement, it was weekly. SO every WEEK I had to pay 200 dollars to Fair for insurance and car rental. Ok that meant that on top of my gas costs (which was thankfully low due to me driving that Prius and stopping on the side of the road between rides) I had to pay 200 bucks every week out of what I was making as an Uber Driver... at that point I was making on average 100 dollars a day (not taking into account gas and taxes I'll have to pay), so actually with all things considered for every 100 dollars I made I had to pay 20 dollars in gas and a bit of taxes as well as income tax, so for a 10 hour work day as an Uber Driver I was making roughly 60 bucks a day. I was working EVERY DAY and driving about 10 hours a day in the hostile Los Angeles traffic, and it was a living hell... I started struggling with depression and anxiety after the first assault by a rider (which I will go into after this story with Fair), and things kept getting out of hand and it was like I had to put out fires left and right.
In any case, I was barely surviving at this point and about 2 months into driving this Prius that I rented from Fair, I got a notice on my Uber app telling me that in a month my car registration would expire. I immediately called Fair Support (waiting the typical 30 minutes to 2 hours on the phone queue like a solid American), to tell them that I needed my Fair vehicle insurance to be updated and sent to me ASAP. I was told I would get the registration in the mail within 5-7 business days... two weeks later it still didn't happen, so I called them again (waiting for another 2 hours on the phone queue), and they said that I should be patient at wait... so I waited and three days before the expiration of my car registration I called yet again... and got the same response... please wait... so I did, and after my car registration DID expire, the Uber app locked me out of being able to drive for Uber, since I had an expired car registration. Great... I couldn't work for money... but wait there more! I was still getting charged 200 dollars a week for the Fair vehicle WITH NO REGISTRATION. I called them AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN practically once a day (one time I actually had to wait for 6 hours on the phone since registration is not handled by Fair Support but by Fair Concierge and Fair Concierge is only accessed by first calling Fair Support, waiting the god awful 2 hours then transferring over to Fair Concierge and waiting for another 2 eternities to get to speak with a human... but this one time I waited 6 hours...) And finally after 4 weeks... I got my new Fair Registration and new license plates for my vehicles... and I had to pay for all 4 weeks according to this company called... wait for it... FAIR. They told me that this was indeed unfair when I called them out on it and they did what again??? You guessed it... another Banana Republic gift card that can't be used to pay Rent, can't be used to pay for Gas, and can't be used to pay for my Fair Car Rental... so it does butt fuck nothing (excuse my Americanism), unless I needed some fancy clothes in a real hurry.
SO at this point I'm severely in debt and I had a maxed out credit card, and moving forward I worked 12 hour shifts, was constantly suicidal and needed my agent to submit me to an actual audition which she hasn't done for over 8 months at that point... and of course in LA anytime you call your agent to speak with them they say "I'm too busy right now"... shit got real (excuse my Americanism).
A few months later, I spoke with my parents about potentially getting help from them to pay a down payment for a car so that I can start financing my own car and pay a lot less each month towards buying my own car, than what I was paying for an UNFAIR company's vehicle.
My mother actually flew over to where I lived in LA and she fronted me the down payment to my brand new 2020 Toyota Corolla Hybrid... and I negotiated with the dealership to get my monthly payments down to about 400 dollars a month. That was half of what I was paying Fair... and this time around this is my OWN car that I'll be paying towards instead of just a rental.
Well... This makes sense then to return my Fair Vehicle right? Yeah... you can already anticipate the stress can't you? But wait, there's more!
Not only did it take a long time for Fair Concierge to come pick up the car... (adding another extra two weeks that I had to pay for the car), but once they picked it up, they continued to charge me weekly for a vehicle I no longer had... I called repeated for Fair to stop charging me but they didn't stop charging me and said it was "included in my contract" that I had to keep paying for Fair even after returning my vehicle. I nearly thought of finding the nearest Fair company location and shooting up the place. But calmer reasoning took over and I decided to simply take this to the law. I went to Court and got all the paperwork necessary to file a Small Claims against the Fair Company. I then was told that in order to serve them and press charges against them, I have to first give them FAIR WARNING ahead of time... SO I called them repeatedly (you know... again and again.. 5 hour phone queues to speak with the correct department who can actually DO something), and then finally I gave up and emailed them instead because I needed evidence for court that I actually contacted them and notified them that if they didn't stop charging me I'm taking this to a court of law. Well, they didn't stop, but I tried something else. I called my bank. I told them about the whole situation and how I want to dispute all charges made to my account by Fair since the date when I returned my vehicle. AND I wanted to dispute all charges made to my account by Fair for the four weeks I didn't have an up to date car registration. My bank's fraud department was on my side for this and helped me out with disputing all these charges and refunding me about $1000 dollars. I provided them with all the necessary documentation including screenshots of my Uber App dates when I didn't work due to the car registration issue, the dates on my car registration both old and new. I have EVERY legal piece of evidence to win my case in court and I knew it.
And once this happened the shoe was on the other foot (so to speak in Americanism) because Fair Support started to call me for money almost 24/7. I got a kick out of that one because I left a very special voice mail response and purposefully ignored all unknown calls. I won't give you my voicemail response on here but needless to say, any Fair representative got a taste of the FAIR support treatment, and was properly served legally that "I will take you to court if you want to pursue this further, and I have all the evidence to win the case".
Eventually the calls from Fair dwindled down to maybe once in a month and I'd laugh at their face when they told me they worked for Fair. Sorry but you guys deserve to be mocked... Fair company if you see this, FUCK YOU (excuse my Americanism).
Lesson 3: Do NOT ever, and I mean EVER rent a vehicle from Fair. They are UNFAIR, have shit service, long phone queues of upwards of 6 hours if you need to talk to someone who can actually change your address or do anything to your account with them... and they charge you even after you've returned your vehicle because "it's in the contract" ... yeah don't ever rent from Fair. EVER. Let this business rot in hell.

Story 3: I got assaulted in my vehicle two separate occasions as an Uber Driver
So... around February of 2019 I drove on the super bowl weekend and the team in LA apparently lost (sorry I don't follow sports... I'm more of an esports kinda guy), and I heard about it all night while driving Uber. I've already had my fair share of drunk people as a driver and I was used to it at this time and I get a lot of rides at night on weekends just like this one or so I thought...
I pulled up to a house to pick some guy up named Bob. Bob and his friend came to my car... and well, let's just say Bob is probably over 500 lbs because it took him 10 minutes to squeeze/wedge/slam/shove himself through the door of my car, took up the entire backseat with his butt and made the entire car sink down with his weight. His friend in comparison is your healthy average American of 200 lb beer belly kinda guy. They were both drunk and talking about football and I tuned them out to drive as per usual.
Then about 5 minutes into the ride, Bob fell asleep in the back of my car and woke up confused and upset and asked "Where are you taking me?" in a panicked tone of voice. His friend reassured him "we're going to the hotel, Bob, relax!" But Bob wouldn't have any of it, no, you see, BOB here thought I might have been abducting him to prove aliens existed ... or something. I'm not a mind reader ok? But he then decided the best response was to start groping me, placing both his hands on my chest. I'm a guy... but still... don't touch my nipples??? I do NOT give consent!
Well, I asked him politely or as politely as I could manage, "sir, would you mind not touching me please?" His friend looked over his shoulder at him and went "What are you doing, Bob? It's ok, just relax".
Bob reacted in anger. He didn't like being told what to do. He didn't like that he doesn't just get to grope his Uber driver. So Bob did what he thought was best, to show people how strong he was. Bob grabbed my seat belt from behind me with both hands and started to strangle me.
I was at this point driving on the 118 high way and I was going around 55 miles per hour. I started to see stars, and I tried desperately to free my airway while maintaining control of my car (This was the orange toyota Prius I was renting from Fair). I thought in my mind, "Oh shit, so this is how it ends... how undignified".... and I was almost about to pass out but I got some more circulation because Bob's friend was helping me pull the seatbelt down... I also pulled down so that instead of it being on my neck it was on my collarbone, and I could breath again but barely, the seatbelt was pressed against my collar bone with enough force to feel like I was in a major car accident, except Bob kept crushing it against me by leaning back with it and pulling with his weight. I thought about pulling over... even just abandoning the vehicle to run for my life... but instead I was in a state of shock and drove them to their destination which was a hotel...
Uber had another customer lined up for me... so I took the next rider in a slightly dazed and confused state... I was probably not safe to drive at that point but I wasn't even really aware... I was kind of on auto pilot at that point, but I told the next drunk passenger what happened, and she said she was the wife of a cop, and that I should call the cops immediately. So after I dropped HER off I called 911, and the police came to where I lived and got my report, and took pictures of my now bruised collarbone and neck area. I was asked if I wanted to press charges and I said I did, and they told me I'd hear from the District Attorney's office in about 3 weeks.
I waited... Nothing ... The DA's office never reached out to me...
I was depressed and had PTSD from this incident and it was so bad that I couldn't go out the next day to get back to work as an Uber Driver. I couldn't go out to work the day after that... nor the next week... I had to take a full month off. My roommates (one of whom was the house mom sorta, and was rather Jewish in both descent and behavior) instead of showing sympathy or being compassionate was trying to evict me or threatening to since I was late on rent, and I had to call my mom to help me at the time with rent.
I tried to work up the courage to drive again, but for that whole month the best I could do was sit in my car and cry.
And guess what? Wouldn't you know it... because wait... there's more.
The very first night I started to feel better enough to go drive again... the very first customer that night, was a drunk guy... who held a switch blade to my throat.
Yup... it went something like this... he got in... he asked where I'm from in a friendly tone... both him and his friend were drunk off their ass and having a good time. I told him I'm from the Bay Area from northern california and they said "NorCal? You better not say Hella". I'm like, "Ok, sure thing, I won't say Hella" because I suppose it's a bit of a stereotype that Northern Californians like to say "hella" like "oh that's Hella cool man!" for extra emphasis. And I took it in stride and laughed and said I won't say hella if it bothered him, and actually I don't say it that often anymore anyways since I've been living in LA for acting.
But then he pulled out his switch blade and held it to my throat. "Don't fucking say hella".
"I won't dude."
"Don't you fucking say it! I'm warning you!"
"I won't say it..."
I just kept driving, hands on the wheel, eyes on the road... my heart actually stopped dead at one point. My mind was just a total blank.
This guy literally drops his knife on seat next to me on his way out of my car when I dropped him off... I looked at him and asked him to "please remove your knife from my car" and nodded to it... I could have driven off with it as evidence... but I just... was done at this point. He looked at the knife then back at me... then paused and realized at that moment what he just did. I waited for what seemed like 10 minutes as he stood there eyeing me...
I mean, I actually wasn't scared for my life this time. Not because I wasn't in any danger, but he was drunk and thought this whole time that this was a joke and that he was using his knife for emphasis. That was what my read on the situation was, and that was why I wasn't driving away in a panic. I wasn't scared for my life in that moment, and I just wanted to be done with him...
He took his knife from my car and closed the door, and tipped me on the app. I drove off. And didn't drive for another week. But I was financially destitute and in debt and living off of food stamps at this point so I had to get back on the road despite the PTSD... in fact, the next time I got a Bob as a customer for my "next ride", I promptly pulled over, almost threw up, and declined the ride.
I eventually called the DA's (District Attorney)'s office to see what's going on and what's taking them so long to let me press charges. I found out my case was dropped. Dropped?! I was told that there's no evidence...
I was outraged. I had all the evidence in the world. I had my Uber app which documents the ride took place. I have his address. I have his name. I have the time stamp of when the ride started, when the ride ended, and I also have the timestamp for the police report, not to mention they took photos of my neck injury.
And I called the person in charge of my case... some guy named Minoui... He told me he dropped the case because Bob had a witness and it was his friend who testified that nothing happened. That this case was just a he said she said at this point. I told him about the pile of evidence I had on my side and how I didn't even get asked by the DA my side of the story or whether I had evidence and that I have a PHOTO of my injuries. He said "oh" like he didn't realize that, then said that the case is closed, that he has years of experience (Tone of voice was condescending like he was talking to a kid) and that even if we put this in front of a judge we can't get a conviction because the jury has to vote unanimously. I told him I wanted it in a court of law anyway and that he didn't have the right to be judge and jury for my case, and then he told me rudely that he did as a DA and hung up on me. I tried to "speak to a manager" by calling his higher up, and his higher up just backed him up... told me I had no case, that the guy had no priors so he's "unimpeachable", I told him " so I can just go out and murder someone and you don't even put my case in a court because I have no priors so I'm UNIMPEACHABLE?" He said there's not enough evidence of injury, that I didn't have a doctor's diagnosis, nor do I have video evidence. I didn't bring up that the guy was WHITE and I'm a minority (Asian) but essentially that's what it felt was going on at that point in the conversation, and I just hung up on this prick, I then called the County Superintendent/Supervisers... Super something ... Board of Trustteess? Fuck I don't know, important douchebags paid to look important who signs off on paperwork that affects the lives of many. Some librarian told me that's who is in charge of the DA schmucks. SO I called them and THEY told me that it was perfectly in the right of the DA to decide what gets put in front of a judge and what doesn't get put in front of a judge and please stop swearing. I told them they can go... well you know what I told them (excuse my Americanism).
It was at this point I also called Uber Support for further evidence. Some Indian guy with a heavy accent replied on the phone and said "I'm bery bery sori sir, but I cunt dew anyting about dis, but I understand your frustratin' and I cunt halp yew with dis. We cannot give out information about our passengers". I was just asking for information to use as proof to reopen my case mind you, but they just wouldn't budge on the phone with me, so THAT's how much Uber cares for the safety of their drivers... ZILCH... NADA, UBER DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THEM THEIR MONEY.
Lesson 4: I put a camera in my car now on my dash and I point it directly at me for my own protection whenever I drive now... that's the only way you can prove some white drunk asshole strangled you in your car apparently. If you're a minority and you drive ride share, I suggest you do the same. If you're white, you don't worry about a thing, the law's got your back.
submitted by Howhowhathere to rideshare [link] [comments]


2020.01.02 23:40 FCattheOG How not to run your fire department. Mod Approved.

My name is Will.
This is a true story. The events depicted took place in Louisiana in 2015.
Out of respect for the innocent, the names have been changed. Out of roiling antipathy for the guilty, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.
(August 2014, 5 years ago)
One of my friends killed himself. Further details are not relevant. I realized that if every person in the world could put some time/effort towards saving a life, perhaps the world would be a better place. Despondent about how this country was going to hell in a handbasket, I found myself driving past a fire station and I wondered if I could do the job.
I was in my 30's, not in the greatest shape but I wanted to see if I could do it or not. I found a small FD that was well funded and had lots of volunteers and I dropped off an application. Next thing I know, I'm handed turnout pants and a helmet and told to put my name on a locker and start showing up every week for training. This was really happening. I was really going to do this. This shit was for real.
(cut to present)
They say first impressions are last impressions. My first week, I was on the receiving end of what the FD calls a prank gone awry or what a buddy of mine at the state prosecutors office would call drunken and disorderly conduct, assault and battery, whistleblower retaliation and conspiracy to obstruct justice.
Epic first week, huh? As time went on, it was readily apparent to me that the FD I was volunteering for was violating state and federal law. I cannot disclose the parties or exact nature of the issues due to litigation but I can tell you that the problems were 100% preventable and that the problem children did a damn fine job of creating massive liability to be borne by the city and FD.
One day, I closed the door with one of the officers and I told them exactly what I thought about the situation. Basically, I blew the whistle. I said flat out if this is how the place works, I'll leave and never come back if they don't fix this shit. They said fine we'll fix it.
The people that were doing the illegal things found out. Small town, small FD, it was inevitably going to leak. There was only one person smart enough to connect the dots and figure out who was doing what. Most of them weren't that smart. Since I am quite the smarty pants, they were able to shorten the list by process of elimination and that left me.
When those responsible for breaking the law found out that I threw them under the bus, they decided they would make my life miserable and throw me under the bus in kind. The city and FD buried my complaint and they wanted to maintain the status quo. The guilty parties didn't like this one bit. They were a band of stereotypical jock meatheads driving IROC-Z's that think they deserve their own reality show.
This isn't what I signed up for. The idiots even gave themselves a nickname, we'll call them Eddie and the Cruisers. They even signed training documents/lesson plans etc "BROUGHT TO YOU BY EDDIE AND THE CRUISERS" so they literally created a public record, DOCUMENTING that there was in fact a clique named that and papered the evidence of a conspiracy against me. Yes, they were that dumb. No, I didn't say anything about it. Some things you have to let play out for themselves.
Now, when Ed and the gang got enough material on me - they went to the chief and had me fired. The chief knew about it and threw in with them. Sitting in the old crappy chair from the 1960's getting my ass chewed out, the BC called me a liar and I almost punched out the remaining four front teeth he had, the assistant chief said I was the worst firefighter ever to enter the doors of the FD and my captain told me "you just don't seem to understand how this place works" and shook his head. The BC even accused me of fucking up at a structure fire that I wasn't even at. I wasn't even in the state at the time, I was at my sister's baby shower 5 states over.
The chief says "if there's anything I can do for you, let me know" and shook my hand and told me to turn in all my taxpayer owned property. Okay, so I put on a sad face and walk out the door. I could see Eddie and his partners in crime snicker as I cleaned out my locker. I tore the nameplate off the back of my turnout coat and tucked it into my back pocket and I delivered everything that wasn't mine back to the chief.
My time humping hose, throwing ladders and giving kids candy from the engine was over. They got what they wanted.
There's only one problem with fucking with a guy like me. I fuck back. Years of episcopalian school have taught and served me well. I began plotting revenge against my enemies. Little did they know, I had already contacted a lawyer about these issues. I had X number of days to file a complaint with the state and feds to get the ball rolling. I filed my complaints with the respective agencies having jurisdiction one day before the window closed.
I also got a copy of Eddie's jacket from my friends over at the sheriff's department. He spent 5 years paying cop and generated a total of 35 disciplinary items, varying from a written warning to IA investigations and my personal favorite, TURNING OFF HIS RADIO, TAKING A COMFORTER OUT OF THE BACK OF THE POLICE CAR AND HAVING A NAP WHILE ON DUTY.
How do I know all this?
HIS WATCH COMMANDER DROVE OVER THERE USING GPS AND FOUND HIS ASS PARKED BEHIND THE OLD TOYS R US AND WROTE HIS ASS UP.
A friend of a friend was his watch commander. He told me story after story of how Ed fucked up over and over and was politely invited to quit. Small world, right?
As waited for that to play out, a few months before my firing there was a training accident involving me and Eddie. I got an owie. I reported the injury in writing to the city and they swept it under the rug like everything else.
I decided to let a week go by after I was fired and I invited myself into the chiefs office. I asked him what we're doing about my injury. He says: "what injury?" I say the one I reported via email to (LT so and so) and your BC, and your DC. He says he hasn't heard nothing and there's nothing he will do for me. I said oh by the way, your BC called me a liar and I didn't appreciate that one bit. The next words out of his mouth set the tone of what was to come.
Da Chief: Well, if you're looking for an apology I can tell you right now, you ain't getting one.
Life is about learning which bridges to cross, which ones to burn, and which ones to blow up.
Don't burn bridges when blowing them up is much more fun. If anyone has a reading comprehension problem, I'll remind you Da Chief did tell me "If there's anything else I can do for you let me know" and this would be something he could do for me. Total lack of integrity on his part, on top of being a dick move.
I find a lawyer and tell him the city is burying the accident. He makes a few calls and the city insurer conditionally accepted liability pending investigation. They send me to a doc and I get interviewed by them.
It's literally like talking to a cop, they're trying to lead you into a corner and get you to admit something illegal and you have to answer their questions. The lady is grilling me on every detail and I'm expected to remember. Finally she drops the bomb.
"How do you address the claim from Da Chief that you're filing a false injury claim in retaliation for being terminated?"
Snarky answer: Da Chief has not begun to see me retaliate yet.
Actual answer: I reported it like policy dictated. What they did with it, I have no idea. Ask them. But I have witnesses and I did what I was instructed to do. That's it. Do your research.
We decide to close the injury out with a settlement since surgery isn't going to fix me. There's one caveat. The insurer wants me to sign a full and final release. I waive my right to future employment, etc with this doc for pile of cash. In addition there's a clause that says I promise to not file a whistleblower complaint. I say I can't sign the deal.
I've already made a complaint with the state. Therefore, carve out the release. I retain the option to sue the city for a few select items like whistleblower retaliation but they get everything else and a statement that says I have already filed a pending complaint against the city and the chief.
He calls the law firm of Dewey, Screwem, the firm that the insurer has hired to work the case for them. I gave up $10k on my deal in and I retain my right to sue. Only problem is my lawyer does not do this type of law and he suggests I hire someone else for that.
I call up Sam Stein, an attorney I know that's a friend of a friend. Nice jewish boy, does not call his mom as often as she'd like, but who does? He is one of the toughest litigators in the area. I tell him what's going on and he puts together from Dewey Screwem's boilerplate a specific exemption to the language in the release and redlines out 18 pages of material out of the 34 total. He charges me for half an hour of work, which is well worth it for a carve out of this size.
I run it over to my attorney, he sends it over and they cut a check. They're done with me, or so they think.
The last page of the deal at the bottom in all caps says in bold I still get to sue, I crack a smile as I sign. They have no idea what they're about to run into and who they fucked with.
I'm talking with Dennis, my attorney and we cannot figure this out. Why would they give me a carve out that easily? The city's insurer is a syndicate. We'll call them The Outfit for the purposes of this story.
Me: Dennis, why the fuck would The Outfit sign off on a carve out of this size without pushing back?
Dennis: There's only one logical reason they'd do that. I don't think The Outfit does not insure the city for whistlebloweEPLI/management liability. Why else would they give that up? The Outfit isn't dumb. I mean, if you're asking for the option to sue - the smart thing for WC to do is call over to the other side and tell them what's going on to see how to protect their client.
Me: Man, I'm not sure how that all works - but if The Outfit covers them on management liability - they just made a six figure mistake.
We wrap the deal up and the insurer sends over a copy of the deal. My entire carve out was accepted without changes.
They tell me that revenge is a dish best served cold.
I say revenge is a dish best served, period.
Years after I signed off, we are in the administrative process and I've been waiting years for them to think they were in the clear. I sent in my request to close the file and issue a final report/findings so I can sue. I get an email that the request has been received and they will be issuing it shortly. There's a CC on the bottom to Ken Murphy, the city manager. He's irish and known for his short temper, so I'm wondering if city hall will still have a roof after he reads that.
3 days later, I get the final report emailed to me and I'm now legally allowed to sue the city. I can do one of a few things.
Send it over to my lawyer and tell him to commence litigation.
Fax it to Ken Murphy.
Walk it in to my old fire station like a boss and put it on the chief's desk in person and watch the sparks fly.
I think about my options but we all know where this is going.
After 10 minutes, I know how I'm going to make my rapture like return to the station and burn the chief and his cronies.
After work, I tuck a freshly printed copy of the documents from the state that allow me to file a civil action against them and start driving their way. It's Tuesday. Their training day is Tuesday at 7PM. It's 6:15, 15 min drive over there puts me there at 6:30. The entire FD will be there for training. This is gonna be good. My plan is to walk in, tell the guys that I'll wait outside if any of them want to quit and then drop my paperwork on the desk inside the chiefs office and give him a verbal thrashing. I facebook stalk a few of them as I'm stuck at a red light. A few of the idiots that made sure I couldn't promote have 100% public profiles. And hey! One of them is getting married! They're registered at bed bath and beyond, target and crate and barrel! I have an idea!
My F350 whips into the city parking lot with the aplomb of a NYC cab driver. I open my glovebox and tuck all my bed bath and beyond coupons into my back pocket. I start walking up the front apron, all the bay doors are open and there's not a single person in gear to be seen. Keiser sled isn't out. No 180 pound dummy (training aid). No 280 pound dummy (Fire Chief). Not a single length of hose, tool, or person is in sight. But it's Training Day! Where's the training? Unless.....
They're all inside the building for an emergency "WTF DO WE DO NOW" meeting.
I walk past the quint. It still has a dent in the frame from when one of Eddie's gang ran it into a tree. That brings a smile to my face as I round the tailboard and head for the door to the gym. The gym door still squeaks and makes a racket when people open it. I walk into the station as I pan and scan. Complete silence.
Every face in the room has a frown. It's like they're all passing the same collective kidney stone. The chief? His resting bitch face is at 1000. The BC that I wanted to punch out? He appears to be chewing out Mozzarella. He was the first mate that was in charge of making sure I failed every evaluation they could give me.
I walk right up to the chief's seat with a grin on my face. I sit down on the table next to his about to pass a kidney stone face. I decided to lighten the mood with a little taste of the works of Mr. Stevie Wonder.
FC: Here I am.........signed, sealed, delivered.....I'm yours!
FireChief: You got a lotta nerve showing up here.
FC: Oh come on! I haven't even sued you yet!
FireChief: What do you want?
FC: Oh, I figured I should deliver the bad news in person.
(I drop a file on the desk right in front of Mozzarella, one of Eddie's loudmouth buddies)
FireChief: That all you got?
FC: I played their game on their turf and they won. Now you get to play my game on my turf. And I don't play for 2nd. Oh yeah, one more thing. Hey Mozzarella?
Mozzarella: What?
(I hand him a stack of bed bath and beyond coupons)
FC: Heard you're getting married. Congrats!
Mozzarella: Thanks.
FC: Figured I'd do you a favor and save you a few bucks. You know, since you're gonna be unemployable in right about......yeah, now.
FireChief: Get the fuck out of my station.
FC: Wouldn't be the first time I've heard that from you......
FireChief: We're calling the cops the next time you show up here.
I turn on my heel and walk out and jump in my F350. As I'm backing out, the DJ starts playing some Tom Petty. Specifically, they've just begun playing "Don't back down" as I drive off.
Perhaps this is a cosmic sign that this is the right thing to do.
Next, I went shopping for attorneys. This was more difficult than I imagined.
Of the 12 I spoke to, none wanted the case. Even at $350/hour. There was one big problem: I was a volunteer. I have no back/front pay, damages, etc. I wasn't about to let them off the hook. My time was running out to file a lawsuit and without an attorney, I'd have to represent myself. If that's what I had to do, that's what I'd have to do. Not my first choice, but adapt, improvise and overcome is a way of life for me.
Years of debating people on reddit telling them EXACTLY why they are wrong with pinpoint citations, writing and complaining about stupid people and being nourished by the hate and vitriol spewed in reply to everything that I wrote have prepared me for this day.
I drafted the complaint and I drove down to the clerk of the United States District Court for the Middle District of Louisiana in Baton Rouge and I filed a lawsuit against my old fire chief, the FD and the city on my own.
(morgan freeman begins) "And there he was, the biggest pain in the ass ever to drag hose.....filing his first lawsuit against the chief on his 35th birthday"
FYI: Federal court is no joke. Most attorneys hate Federal work. The deadlines are strict, there is no wiggle room. Federal judges demand perfection, so you better bring your A game. You don't bring your weak-ass motions into the humpty-bumpy that is federal court.
Now, I'm going to get on a soapbox and break the fourth wall here for a little bit. You're also probably wondering how I know so much about federal court.
What the chief, the city, the firefighters didn't know is I'm pretty resourceful. I've got some friends that are lawyers but they don't do this kind of law, they do criminal law. They also practice federally - which most attorneys who do criminal don't do.
All the federal judges on the bench hear BOTH civil and criminal cases as opposed to state or municipal courts where judges are typically assigned a division that handles certain areas exclusively like family, traffic, juvenile, etc.
Last year, I got with my friends - and a few friends of my friends. I sold them on a idea. We are all on the same team with lots of varied experience and I pitched an idea that we all throw in together and form a new joint venture: a consulting company. For $100 each, we can all partner up. All get a resume builder, they get another tax write off and a way to go to conferences and other fun things. One of the guys that threw in with us, we'll call him Rick - is an EXPERT IN MUNICIPAL LITIGATION. He has represented FD's from people like me. He knows where the liability is!
Rick fucking LOVES me because my idea to start a consulting company generated $10,000 in tax writeoffs for him to attend a conference that he normally would not be able to write off. He thinks I'm brilliant and I HAVEN'T EVEN MET THE GUY. My friends talked my reputation up with him and he graciously gave me some of his time despite his full trial schedule. He told me exactly where to hit them hard. I drew Judge Smith who he does not know.
HOWEVER my two buddies locally have appeared in front of Smith doing criminal defense MANY TIMES. Knowing the judge's preferences and knowing how he operates is a huge plus that most people do not get. My friend Cal gave me his firm's westlaw login so I could do all my own legal research, Rick gave me tips on how to argue my case and where he's seen cases like this before, and I got a ton of useful knowledge.
I might not have the skills to pay the bills as a firefighter, but you better believe I have the skills to pay the bills in the courthouse.
This was a HUGE leg up. I can guarantee you the city's attorneys were thinking that I'm pro se, I've got no chance in hell, they will out paper me, they will out work me, and I have no idea what I'm doing because I didn't go to law school. And they'd be right, if I didn't have all these fine folks backing me up without backing me up. They didn't know I had done all the homework, all the research and I know my case has problems but their case had one big problems too.
Over the years I've had to fight other people, insurers, other lawyers, you name it - to get them to do the right fucking thing. It's kinda a joke in my family that my legal specialty is terrorism law.
Not like hezbollah or al-quaeda terrorism law, more like "Pay me or I'm going to terrorize you with my knowledge of the law".
Looks like I've just expanded my area of practice thanks to me and my friends.
Enough about me and my awesome friends. You want to hear the rest of the havoc I raised, don't you? After the filing, I had the city and the FD served and the holy hell that rained down was epic.
As you all know several years ago, we settled the WC injury, It appears evident now that the City DID NOT READ THE DEAL!
Everything that was carved out, the "Will is gonna sue your ass for this this and this" clause was news to them. Nobody had a fucking clue what was in there until it was too late after I sued them.
I get a call from Dennis. The Outfit called him thinking he represented me. He tells me that they want to know who my attorney is. I tell him I don't have an attorney. I ask why Dennis is getting the call. It is at this point I learn:
THE OUTFIT INSURES THE CITY
THE OUTFIT HAS JUST HIRED DEWEY, SCREWEM TO REPRESENT THE CITY
No, I am not making this up. The law firm that represented The Outfit that specifically allowed me the option to sue da City, is now representing The Outift and da City. Again....
The FD is a separate 501c3 entity and the city's lawyers do not represent them. So, they have to go find a lawyer at $500 an hour for federal court. I know how the FD structured their finances from my time there and they budget for beer and pizza not insurance and lawyers.
I told you all this was a real shitshow, didn't I?
The City and the FD have two high priced firms doing their bidding. I get a call from each of them asking me why I'm suing and I tell them because they deserve every rash of crap I'm giving them. Both attorneys for the city/FD file an epic motion to dismiss claiming that volunteers = no paycheck = we can do whatever the fuck we want to you and you have to take it, and we have had no knowledge of this dispute until now and we should be let out of this.
At no point do they address my claims of "THE CITY BROKE THE LAW HERE HERE AND HERE" - because they know they have no defense.
I parried their motion to dismiss with a response of my own stating that they should have read the release that I signed years before when THEY GAVE ME THE RIGHT TO SUE THEM IN WRITING as well as some other brilliant legal memoranda that I came up with while redditing on my toilet.
What I learned on the toilet was that case law on volunteers has shifted, my legal research thanks to my buddy's westlaw login told me that - and my brief explained that. There is conflicting opinion up and down every circuit in the nation. Where there is conflict, there is opportunity.
A few weeks after I filed my response to the motion, I sat in on a case to get a feel for how the judge asks questions, how he reacts to motions, etc. In other words - I knew about the judge by reputation, but I wanted to see him in action in person. I needed an edge. I listened to him for an hour on a motion hearing for a pretrial motion to dismiss, the very thing my case was going through - with another party also claiming whistleblower retaliation!
Not many times you can enjoy an hour in a courthouse, but I enjoyed my time. The notepad I brought had been filled with notes on how the judge looked at and broke down the arguments, how he framed up scenarios and analysis, it was pretty fucking fun to watch him work. In that hour I also learned something else: this judge HATES motions to dismiss and frequently denies them. Most judges do NOT want their decisions overturned by an appellate court. He wants an argument on the merits of the case. He denied the motion I heard that day as a result.
The rules of federal court are very black and white and some are easily understood. One of the easy things we had to deal with was a case management conference. If the judge does not throw out the case by a certain date, all parties and their attorneys are required to meet IN PERSON and file a report agreeing on deadlines and attempting to settle. I'm invited to The Outifit's offices downtown on the 19th floor for our meteting.
I got to the conference room early, and I was told me to make myself at home. The conference was on the birthday of a special girl in my life and I happened to have a stuffed animal I bought for her as a present in my briefcase. As I unpacked my files, laptop and legal pad, I pulled out the furry guy and set him up next to my legal pad.
The city and FD's attorneys all came in and they looked at me funny.
Greg: Hi Will. I didn't know you were bringing (gestures to stuffed animal) co-counsel to the meeting.
Me: They told me to make myself at home. It's a present for this girl I know. She does not take crap from anyone either. The cuteness inspires me.
Greg and Lenny look at each other and silently exchange a look that reads "Holy fuck this guy is weird" - which is exactly what I wanted.
It tells me that they have no poker face.
We begin the meeting and everyone was very polite and I expected a lot more profanity. We set deadlines and tried to reach an agreement in principle but were not successful. The FD attorney asks me what I want out of the deal. I tell him every amount of shit that Eddie and the Cruisers gave me, I WILL GIVE BACK TO THEM TENFOLD IN LITIGATION.
Me: Lenny, how the hell are you going to defend this? Your client has not followed the law AT ALL. I've got the evidence to back my complaint in spades.
Lenny: Yeah, they thought because they were a 501c3 nonprofit they were exempt. They didn't know.
Me: Are you kidding me? They're not exempt. Their defense is "we didn't know?"
Lenny: They've never really looked into it until you filed a lawsuit. They thought they were exempt.
Me: "We didn't know" didn't work for USC and Reggie Bush. "We didn't know" didn't work for Penn State and Jerry Sandusky. "We didn't know" didn't work for Arthur Anderson and Enron. "We didn't know" didn't work for Salomon Brothers and Paul Mozer. Now, you expect it to work?
Lenny: Well, they brought me into this late - but Eddie who caused most of the problems you're alleging occurred does not even work there anymore. In light of that I think you should release my client from the lawsuit.
Me: Let me guess, Eddie was fired for gross misconduct? Easiest way to predict future behavior is past behavior.
Lenny: I can't say. I didn't get his file yet so I don't know.
Me: Well, if they thought I was going to take all that abuse lying down - they're dead wrong. The liability on this.......hell, your client's cost of defense is in the six figures. How about we settle this one for cost of defense with no admission of liability?
Lenny: They didn't give me settlement authority.
Me: Well what did they give you?
Lenny: Nothing. There's no money to pay you.
Me: If there's no money to pay me, how is your firm getting your $550/hour?
Lenny: There isn't. I'm doing this pro bono.
Me: Then what does their insurer have to say?
Lenny: They thought the city had them as an additional insured. There's no insurance.
Me: Your client has no insurance?
Lenny: They do not.
Me: Then your client has a serious fucking problem. But, that problem can be cured pretty easily with the $250,000 in the account over at Wells Fargo they're using to save up for a new engine.
Lenny: You're really going to go after the donated money from the townspeople to buy a new fire engine?
Me: You do litigation. You do plaintiff's work. Wouldn't you?
Lenny: Well, that is specifically to be used for equipment. We can't touch that money.
Me; Your client can touch it after I win in court. Or I'll just levy the account with a court order. They won't have to lift a finger.
Lenny: Are you serious? You're going to bankrupt this VFD! Why do you gotta wreck the place?
Me: Because it's wreckable! If they didn't hire you and defaulted on the motion, I was gonna have my buddy CJ pull his 378 Pete heavy wrecker up and hook up their quint and haul it to the sheriff's sale. Yeah, I am serious. Your client fucked with the wrong marine.
Lenny: Please don't do this! Things have changed! It won't happen again, I swear! Don't take all their money!
Me: You know why this sounds like the last session of marriage counseling right before the divorce filing? That's because IT IS the last session of marriage counseling right before the divorce filing. And your client is in a community property state!
It went downhill from there. No offers to settle, but we inked the deadlines. We would be headed to trial if the judge threw out their motion.
In case anyone was wondering, the girl loved her furry surprise (that's not a euphemism for my penis) and said that it was a very thoughtful birthday present. My mind works in mysterious ways and if the opposing counsel picked up on that, they'd know exactly what kind of shit storm I would create by deposing the fire chief, Eddie and every single one of his idiots and hitting their litigation budget hard from the yard by opening up every file in city hall during discovery.
That having been said, just before Thanksgiving I got an email from their lead counsel on the case. The city council has approved a deal.
10k
I told Greg to send the deal over and I'd look at it over, He says that sounds like a good plan. I tell him hey, at least we found we can agree on one thing throughout this mess. He laughs.
I look over the deal and I analyze it in typical FC fashion. With my lawyer friends at the gun club! We meet shooting skeet.
Me: They're at 10k
Jed: 10k? You wipe your ass with 10k. You spend more than that flying around getting cheesesteaks and in and out burger every year.
Me: That's besides the point and you know it.
Jed: Well counter them!
Me: 10k doesn't even get a pre sample. I don't want pre sample money. I want transferable money.
Jed: There you go!
(Editors note: We're talking machineguns. Transferable machineguns are very expensive, pre samples which are restricted to certain parties are a fraction of the price. I'm basically saying I'm not interested in a nuisance value amount)
Let's be realistic. $10k is fuck off. I don't want fuck off. I want fuck you. What's the point of having fuck you leverage if you never say fuck you?
Well, it's because I"m under a court order by a judge that all actions relating to this civil matter that ain't so civil shall be courteous and collaborative to resolution of the claims presented. I call lead counsel and tell them thank you but this isn't a deal that works for me. The settlement should match the liability. He asks me what I have in mind and I tell him I'll send over an email with a proposal.
So, I sent over a proposal. I was polite, erudite and I laid out my case:
Their client has massive liability. I was the smartest guy in the room when I was there and I'm still the smartest guy that ever wore turnouts for them. Their clients have no insurance, destroyed evidence, shenanigans out the wazoo. The city and FD were required to follow the law. They didn't. I know Eddie and the Cruisers didn't. I have the smoking gun. I have the missing pieces of the puzzle.
The judge is a stickler and is a very law and order guy. When he finds out that the city broke the law, your clients will face sanctions. Judge smith does not like shenanigans and your case is chock full of em, so how do you think this is going to play out? I can make my case and we can resolve things now or later, so let's get this band aid ripped off and just cut me a check with a whole bunch of zeros and save your client the public humiliation I'm about to give them.
This was their reply the morning of Christmas Eve:
Good Morning Will. We just got off the phone with the city and the insurer and we accept your terms. You got a deal. Review the attached documents as soon as you can and execute them after you've reviewed with your attorney. If you retain an attorney for representation let us know so we can correspond with them and not you. Please send the forms to our offices once complete and we will get this issue wrapped up. Thank you for your understanding. Have a Merry Christmas.
The city and insurer caved. To a guy without an attorney. It's a miracle. It's Christmas, Theo. It's the time of miracles.
It appears we have a deal. Now, to just get it executed. I start making some calls. I get Sam on the phone and email over the draft. He's joined a new firm but remembers vividly the work he did for me before and I go over the details with him. He says it's boilerplate and should be good to go. I just want to make sure I have no surprises and although the city has been fighting dirty, I don't think they deal dirty. But just like Reagan during the cold war - one must trust but verify.
We have a chat and I ask him what I owe the firm. He tells me it's Christmas. He spent 12 minutes reading it and 15 on the phone with me. This didn't even take him half an hour. Not worth it for him to open a billing file but if it goes over a full hour then he'll bill me. I tell him thanks and I start looking over the documents for typos. There are a few spots that need to be fixed but nothing structural. I call the city's firm back and tell them that it's in the mail later tonight after I get it notarized. I head to work and I duck out for lunch to the local market to get a sammich at the deli. The place is packed to the gills with last minute shoppers. I grab a italian boars head sandwich and head for the register when I realize it.
Today is the first day of Hanukkah. My attorney has just done me a kindness. This must be reciprocated. I make a quick call to his paralegal.
Me: Sam did some work for me and didn't bill me, I'd like to get him something for the holiday. Do you know what he likes? Wine? Scotch? Give me an idea.
Emily: I've worked her 13 years and I have no clue.
Me: Okay, I'll figure it out. How late is he in the office?
Emily: He's got a trial next week so he's going to be here till 4 or 430.
Me: I'll be there in an hour does that work for you? I'm not holding you up am I?
Emily: I'm leaving in about an hour so that works just fine!
Me: Solid! Thanks!
I wander around and I don't want to buy him latkes or matzo mix but I've got to get him something nice. Fuck it, I wander into the wine aisle and I grab him a nice 2017 cabernet from Decoy. It seemed only fitting since the way he worded my workers comp release was a total deke to them and made me a much richer man as a result. As I'm walking back to the register I see a lady doing some last minute shopping and she's holding some fresh Butoni pasta and a bottle of Rao's. I get an idea as I grab a bottle of Rao's Tomato basil.
The cashier bags me up, I eat my sandwich at my desk and grab a copy of the deal. Sam's office is 30 minutes away and I call Emily to tell her I'm on the way. She greets me at reception and just as I walk up, Sam is pulling something off the copier.
Me: Sam, Happy Hanukkah! I got you one night of gifts but knowing you - you'll probably talk me up to 4!
Sam: Hah! Thank you. What are you doing here?
Me: I figured I should get you a present for taking care of that thing.
Sam: Oh that's not necessary at all but thank you.
(Peter, Sam's law partner walks up. Peter is from NYC and grew up in Bay ridge. He is a big, fat, loud as hell italian litigator that does real estate litigation.)
Pete: Hey everybody! What’s going on?
Me: Oh, Sam just did some work for me and I wanted to get him a present. I asked Emily what you liked and she had no idea, so I figured I couldn't go wrong with a bottle of red
(I pull a bottle of Cabernet out the bag and give it to Sam)
Sam: Oh wow thank you!
Me: .....or a bottle of red
(I pull out a bottle of Rao's Tomato Basil and give it to Sam)
Sam: Haha! This is totally unexpected and appreciated. Thank you!
(Peters eye's light up)
Peter: This is hilarious. I love this guy!
Me: Pete, your lips say this is hilarious, I love this guy. Your eyes say "if there's sausage and meatballs in that bag, this is gonna be the best firm christmas EVER!"
(Everyone laughs their ass off)
Sam: Wow, well this is a great surprise. Lots of clients are real jerks so it's amazing to see someone like you stop by.
Me: I didn't go to law school but I know good work when I see it. You do good work. Enjoy your holiday!
Sam: Thanks! I've got a deposition to get ready for next week. It's been a tough case.
Me: Who's opposing counsel?
Sam: Ray Flynn.
Me: I know Ray. You're gonna mop the floor with him. In fact, you tell him I said hi.
(Ray and I have tangled in the past. He said I wasn't going to get a dime out of his client. Ray was wrong.)
Sam: Merry Christmas! Thanks again!
I head back to work and drop the docs in the mail. As I walk back from the mailbox, my cousin Denise from up north calls me.
Denise: Merry Christmas!
Me: It's a good one this year.
Denise: Why? What happened?
Me: Resolved my issues with the city this morning.
Denise: Oh really? Nice! Your lawyers put together a good settlement offer?
Me: Denise, you don't remember do you? I don't have a lawyer. I asked 12 attorneys to take this case. They all said I was a volunteer and therefore the case was a loser. It had no damages.
Denise: So you represented yourself?
Me: Some things you just have to do yourself. Like suing your old fire chief in federal court.
Denise: You went to FEDERAL court without a lawyer?
Me: I know you're on AT&T but the reception isn't that bad.
Denise: So you won?
Me: I won.
Denise: So what are you going to do now?
Me: Stuff a copy of the deal in an envelope and mail it to EVERY SINGLE ATTORNEY that said the case was worthless and a loser with a note that says "You said this case had no value. I thought you people were board certified?"
Denise: You're really going to do that? Are you serious?
Me: I am serious and don't call me Shirley
Denise: You're not Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovitch! You're Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman!
Me: Not with my mother's thighs! Besides, with all the suits and ties in my closet I'm more Edward Lewis than anything else.
Denise: I don't believe you. Anyways, me and Max are taking the kids down to New Orleans for Christmas. You want to drive in and visit us?
Me: I don't have time, but I'll make time. Let me know the details when you can. Merry Christmas!
Denise: Talk soon!
Best zinger I've heard all year.
But that's the story about how badly things went for me and the FD. Everything here was 100% preventable. The city failing to supervise and control and the fire chief failing to maintain supervisory control over his firefighters led to this mess. The city's insurer wrote me a check and we're done.
This was a toxic combination of a lack of oversight, letting the inmates run the asylum, an inability to look at problems holistically, a preference for short term decision making, YOU NAME IT - and there were problems. Oh, and of course - no insurance.
Da Chief and the rest of the firefighters HAD to throw in with Eddie and the Cruisers because they knew that if they didn't, Eddie would make an example out of them the same way he made an example out of me.
Does this sound familiar to anyone in the fire service? You can use a clique for good and make everyone aspire to be the example, or you can use a clique for evil and make it a cautionary tale. We all know the way they went.
My goal was to make a difference in the world. Maybe teaching FD's what not to do will have to be the difference I make instead of running first due on a structure fire.
If anyone is interested, I am preparing a presentation that can be attended by any city managerial/fire officers in what can be learned from this episode and my new consulting company will be producing the segment as an educational episode.
My name is Will.
And I used to be a firefighter.
By the way, in case anyone was wondering: da chief was right about one thing.
I never did get that apology.
submitted by FCattheOG to Firefighting [link] [comments]


2019.12.31 21:51 F0glsang The Epoch Times Monday, December 30, 2019

US Says Strikes on Terror Group in Iraq Sent Clear Warning to IranTBLOOMBERG he U.S. airstrikes on five bases in Iraq and Syria used by an Iranianbacked terror group sent a warning to Tehran that President Donald Trump's patience has its limits. "One of the things that we want to emphasize is that this was a defensive action that was designed to protect American forces and American citizens in Iraq," Brian Hook, the State Department's Iran envoy, said in a telephone briefing on Dec. 30. "We're also working on the mission set of restoring deterrence... QUOTESNews In the "Three-out-offour voters (73 percent) say Trump is unlikely to be forced out of the presidency." Rasmussen Reports, in a recent poll of likely voters about the possible outcome of an impeachment trial in the Senate NATION A2 "Women deserve the truth and full information." Valerie Hill, CEO, RealOptions Obria Medical Clinics, about offering an alternative to the services provided by Planned Parenthood NATION A1 "We will take additional actions as necessary...
Organization Provides Alternative to Planned ParenthoodNATHAN SU A small reproductive health organization in the Bay Area is providing alternatives to abortion near some Planned Parenthood locations. RealOptions Obria Medical Clinics has a mission "to help you understand all of your options so that you can make an informed decision." They have two facilities in San Jose, both located within 500 feet from the nearest Planned Parenthood. An additional RealOptions is located in Union City only 15 minutes from the Hayward Planned Parenthood. ...
Lack of Civility, New Bail Laws Contribute to Rise of Anti-Semitism, Rabbi SaysBOWEN XIAO NEW YORK-The rise of anti-Semitic acts of violence-the most recent being the stabbing of five at a rabbi's home-is a "disease" that has spread based on an "intolerance for difference" according to a senior rabbi, who also cast some of the blame on new bail reform laws. Since Dec. 8, there have been 13 anti-Semitic acts of violence, including the latest, the Dec. 28 attack that occurred in the Orthodox Jewish community of Monsey, New York, during Hanukkah. "We...
submitted by F0glsang to u/F0glsang [link] [comments]


2019.07.21 10:42 lolpolice88 It happened here — a snapshot of hate crime in New Zealand - E-Tangata

https://e-tangata.co.nz/comment-and-analysis/it-happened-here-a-snapshot-of-hate-crime-in-new-zealand/
" Last month, the Human Rights Commission published It Happened Here, a digest of race and religious hate crimes in New Zealand. It draws from news reports of hate crimes in the nine years between 2004 to 2012.
As Paul Hunt, the Chief Commissioner, writes: “The Christchurch shootings have re-ignited public debate about hate crime and hate speech, but there is little information available about the extent of racially and religiously motivated crime in New Zealand.”
He adds that “the absence of systematically collected data and information on racially and religiously motivated crime in New Zealand makes it very difficult to have an informed discussion about their prevalence and design effective measures to counter them.”
The summaries below are taken from the annual reports of Race Relations Commissioner Joris de Bres (2002-2013). Publication of these annual media reports stopped in 2013, because of funding pressures. During Susan Devoy’s term as Race Relations Commissioner, from 2013- 2018, she argued that the police should collect the data on hate crime.
That hasn’t happened — despite calls from the Human Rights Commission since 2004, recommendations from the United Nations Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination in 2007 and 2017, and from the United Nations Human Rights Council in 2009.
It’s important to note that the incidents outlined in this report, which we’ve extracted here in full, are just a snapshot. It’s reasonable to assume, as Paul Hunt points out, that these are just the tip of the iceberg.
. . .
2004
Desecration of Jewish cemeteries
Following the desecration of two Jewish cemeteries in Wellington in July and August, Parliament took the unprecedented action of unanimously passing a resolution deploring these acts. Recalling the terrible history of anti-Semitism culminating in the Holocaust, Parliament expressed unequivocal condemnation of anti-Semitism and all forms of racial and ethnic hatred, persecution and discrimination.
A statement signed by Māori, Pākehā, Pacific, Asian and other ethnic community leaders, religious leaders, mayors and councillors, business and trade union leaders, and community groups was tabled in the House supporting the resolution.
The Speaker also invited community representatives to a forum at Parliament on the way forward for racial harmony. The forum of 250 people heard the ideas that had been put forward by participants beforehand, raised further suggestions, and unanimously adopted the outline of the New Zealand Diversity Action Programme.
Reported incidents
Anecdotal evidence and newspaper reports continue to indicate that some ethnic groups suffer harassment and abuse in the streets and elsewhere, ranging from derogatory remarks to verbal and physical abuse. Among reported incidents in 2004 were:
The emergence of a small National Front group in Christchurch and Wellington led to pro-harmony demonstrations by ethnic groups and other concerned citizens in Christchurch in May and Wellington in September. Police made an arrest in the case of the hate mail to Muslim families and the attack on Somali youth, but many other incidents were either not formally reported to the Police or investigations have been unsuccessful. The Police do not keep separate statistics relating to ethnicity for reported racial offences, treating them as complaints alongside others relating to offences under the Summary Offences and Crimes Acts.
2005
In the absence of Police recording of complaints and prosecutions relating to racially motivated crime it is difficult to assess the extent of the problem. Newspaper reports seem to indicate that there were significantly more prosecutions than usual in 2005.
Cases of racial and religious harassment and abuse successfully prosecuted by the Police included the following:
2006
There were a range of media reports of racial harassment:
2007
There were a number of media reports of racially motivated crime, harassment and discrimination, including:
2008
Race hate murder
A 2008 Police inquiry indicated that a 25-year-old Korean economics student Jae Hyeon Kim was murdered because of his race in 2003. Jae Hyeon Kim was on a 12-month backpacking holiday in New Zealand when he disappeared en route from Westport to Greymouth in September-October 2003. A missing person inquiry in 2004 failed to find anything, but when the Police re-opened the inquiry in May 2008 they received two anonymous letters.
This led to the arrest in June 2008 of a 28-year-old Nelson fisherman and two other men, whose details were suppressed. A number of skinhead supporters attended when the defendants first appeared in court
At a depositions hearing in the Greymouth District Court in October 2008, one of the men pleaded guilty to the murder. The other two were committed to a trial scheduled for June 2009 in Greymouth. During the depositions hearing the Police located Jae Hyeon Kim’s body near Charleston, south of Westport.
The man, who pleaded guilty to the murder charge, was sentenced to 21 years without parole in December 2008. An appeal against the sentence was lodged.
Jae Hyeon’s mother and brother travelled to New Zealand to visit the site of the murder and attend the sentencing. They also attended a funeral at Nelson’s Marsden House, where they were joined by members of the Nelson Multi-Ethnic Council, a representative of the Race Relations Commissioner and other concerned citizens.
Reverend Taeil Choi of the Nelson Full Gospel Korean Church paid tribute to a bright student whose life was too short. He said Jae Hyeon Kim had been drawn to New Zealand because he, like many other young Koreans, believed it was a peaceful country, free of violence and aggression. He said those responsible for Mr Kim’s death had carried the disease of racial hatred: “For the sake of Jae Hyeon Kim, we should all commit ourselves to making this city of Nelson, and our country as a whole, a place where people are welcomed, and a place where all cultures and all people are tolerated equally.”
Media reports of race-related incidents
There were a number of media reports of racially motivated crime, harassment, assault and discrimination, including the following:
2009
Compared to previous years, there were fewer media reports of incidents of racially motivated crime, harassment and assault. Reports this year included:
While a reduction in incidents reported in the media is welcome, the actual number of complaints, prosecutions and convictions are still not recorded by the Police. In the course of the United Nations Human Rights Council review of New Zealand’s human rights performance in May, the issue of recording Police complaints was raised again. The government accepted the recommendation that this data be collected, but said it was not a priority.
Courts take dim view of attack on Manurewa Gurdwara
In a case not widely reported by the media, two 20-year-old men were sentenced in the Manukau District Court in February to two years and nine months imprisonment. They were accused of throwing pipe bombs at the Narskar Thath Isher Dabar Sikh Temple in Manurewa, engaging in threatening acts and painting obscenities on the temple walls. In addition to sexual obscenities, they painted a swastika, the letters KKK and the words “fukin rag heads” on the walls. The offences took place from April to August 2008. Judge Blackie imposed a deterrent sentence, to make clear to all New Zealanders this type of conduct would not be tolerated.
He described their actions as, “racist, abusive and demeaning” and expressed abhorrence on behalf of the community at what had occurred. The men appealed the length of their sentence to the High Court. Judge Heath dismissed the appeal, citing other cases in which racial hostility had been considered an aggravating factor in sentencing. He said, “The attack on the temple involved violent conduct … It was a persistent attack, through physical and psychological means, on those who used the temple. Targeting the temple on four separate occasions over a period of more than three months makes it implausible to suggest that [the men] were not motivated by racial, religious, colour or ethnic hostility.”
2010
The media continue to report sporadic incidents of racially motivated violence, ranging from verbal abuse to severe physical assault. There is no way to establish the actual extent of racially motivated crime. This is because the government has not yet honoured its commitment to the United Nations Human Rights Council to introduce a system of data collection to capture this information. Media reports reflect that most incidents are directed at Asians and occur in the South Island. Some noteworthy media reports are mentioned or discussed below:
2011
There were sporadic media reports of racially motivated crime, although less than in previous years. They were:
Chinese student hospitalised after attack
In August, a Chinese man was the victim of racist comments and an attack at an Invercargill service station. Comments were directed at the man and his passengers by an 18-year-old passenger in another car at the service station.
The pair exchanged words then the offender punched the man in the face. The force broke the man’s glasses and a shard of glass went into his eyelid, causing a laceration. He was taken to hospital and underwent surgery.
The man was an international student and as a result of the attack could not study and failed one of his classes. He has since returned to China.
The offender was sentenced to six months home detention, 200 hours community work and ordered to pay $1000 reparation.
2012
Flurry of racial vandalism in Auckland
There were three separate incidents of racial vandalism in the course of a week in Auckland in October.
Twenty gravestones in the historic Jewish quarter of a cemetery in central Auckland were vandalised and spray painted with Nazi insignia and slogans. Police arrested three youths and charged them with wilful damage. Charges against one were subsequently withdrawn for lack of evidence. Of the other two, one aged 19, pleaded guilty in November to a charge of intentional damage, and was due to be sentenced in February 2013; the other, aged 20, pleaded not guilty and was due to reappear in court in January 2013.
In what was assumed to be a copy-cat incident, an unoccupied house in Grey Lynn, Auckland was broken into and defaced with similar slogans a few days later. Also that same week, a bullet was fired through the front window of the office of an immigration consultant and former Immigration Minister, causing the window to shatter. National Front style slogans were painted on the footpath outside.
There was speculation that the cemetery attack was to give publicity to the annual Flag Day march to Parliament on Labour Day by fringe national socialist and white supremacy groups, the National Front and the Right Wing Resistance, but spokespeople for these groups, Colin Ansell and Kyle Chapman, denied any connection with the incident. Less than 40 people attended the national flag march, and Ansell told 3 News that his group’s biggest problem was maintaining its transient membership and getting them to pay the $15 a year membership fee.
Jail and home detention for racial attack in Dunedin
Three unemployed young people in Dunedin were sentenced to prison or home detention for abusing and assaulting a Korean family in Dunedin at Easter, and for then assaulting a student who tried to intervene. The family, who were visiting from Auckland, were walking along Dunedin’s main street when the drunken trio began shouting racist remarks at them, threw a bottle and punched one of the group in the face.
One woman, aged 22, was sentenced to six months in prison for the assault, another woman, aged18, was sentenced to three months in prison, and a man, aged 18, to two months home detention. All three were also convicted of other unrelated offences. In sentencing one of the offenders, Judge Stephen Coyle said it was entirely unacceptable and abhorrent that anyone should be taunted simply because of their race “or looking different from you”.
Owners jailed for dog attacks on Asians in Christchurch
A man and a woman were sentenced to eight months in prison for setting their dog onto Asian people in Christchurch. A woman (18) and her former boyfriend (24) admitted to the court that they had associated with an extreme right wing group and that the attacks were racially motivated.
The woman had yelled abuse at a Vietnamese man, told her dog to kill him, punched him and tried to hit him with a beer bottle. When he took shelter in a shop she stomped on the bags of groceries he had dropped, threw items at the shop door, and yelled for him to go back to his own country.
A few months later, the pair met a man from the Philippines, and set their dogs on him in Lincoln Road, Addington. The woman let her dog off the leash to let it chase him. The dogs jumped up and tried to bite his shoulders, damaging his jacket, while he took shelter inside a property and then inside a flat.
A Japanese woman was then confronted nearby. The dogs were encouraged to attack her while she huddled in a corner until help arrived. The woman was taken to hospital for treatment for a bite wound and scratches.
In sentencing the pair, Judge Doherty said, “The main purpose of the sentencing is deterrence.” He noted the special provisions of the Sentencing Act for racially motivated crimes.
The judge also ordered the dog to be put down, saying, “It’s not the dog’s fault, but it seems to me it has been socialised into activities that could lead to greater risks in the future”.
It Happened Here: Reports of race and religious hate crime in New Zealand 2004-2012 was published by the Human Rights Commission in June 2019."
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2019.04.11 00:57 ktrekker St. Eustatius Becomes Popular Caribbean Destination Spot

While the majority of American’s might have never heard of it, this quant small island in the Dutch Carrbean is making a comeback and seeing an increase in tourism. Already well-known by divers, Caribbean vacationers who are looking for something a bit off beat-and-track are finding St. Eustatius a haven for luxury.
Conveniently located between St. Kitts and St. Maarten, this idyllic 8-mile stretch of island paradise is the perfect place for those seeking a less tourist-trap location.
This peaceful island escape speaks mostly English, though many locals also speak Dutch, as it is the official language. The standard currency is the U.S. dollar and the airport is named “F.D. Roosevelt,” after the United States’ 32nd president.
Locals on Statia, as the island is known to its 3,200 residents, celebrate a kinship with the U.S. dating to the 18th century, when St. Eustatius was home to the Caribbean’s busiest and most prosperous trading port. The colonies purchased ammunition and supplies here during the American Revolution, owing to the port’s neutral status, and, with an 11-gun salute to the USS Andrew Doria in November 1776, St. Eustatius offered the first international recognition of the newly-chartered United States.
More than a century and a half later, in 1939, FDR traveled to St. Eustatius to deliver a brass plaque commemorating the gesture, which now hangs among the ramparts and canons at Fort Oranje in the capital of Oranjestad.
Today, Statia has the feel of a land that time forgot. The British, none too happy with local leadership’s chummy relations with the United States, ransacked the place in 1781; an earthquake followed some years later. Collectively, these events ended Statia’s run as a commerce capital.
The 18th-century brick warehouses which once housed the riches of the Dutch West India Company still exist as lonely, wave-battered ruins, lining the shore of Oranjestad’s quiet Lower Town area, reminders of a heyday that earned the island its nickname “The Golden Rock.” Other remnants have been reclaimed by the sea—one reason why St. Eustatius has developed a fervent following in the international diving community.
Unlike most of its Caribbean neighbors, tourism has never been a significant factor in St. Eustatius’ economy. The Dutch government is the largest employer, and U.S. firm NuStar Energy operates a 13-million-barrel oil terminal on the island, circled at all times by tankers awaiting cargo. However, changes are afoot. Holland recently took control of the local government from local leaders, and tourism is likely to play a major role in shaping its future.
The island currently has about 85 hotel rooms, 25 of which have opened in the last three years. The Dutch owners of Knippenga Estate, a posh villa complex in the island’s secluded southwest, recently broke ground on Petit Guyeau, a 40-room hotel expected to open in 2020, boosting the number of keys on Statia by nearly a third.
This year, the modern, eight-room Oranje Bay Hotel opened steps from the island’s three dive shops and Lower Town’s colonial ruins. The operators of The Old Gin House, St. Eustatius’ oldest and best-known lodge—and presently its largest, with 20 rooms—are also eyeing expansion opportunities.
The island’s tourism office, known as the St. Eustatius Tourism Development Foundation, sees an opportunity to position itself as a niche player in the fast-growing, $563 billion wellness travel sector. “Embracing Environmental Health and Wellness” was the focus of St. Eustatius’ annual sustainable tourism conference held in September.
“I believe we have what it takes,” said Charles Lindo, St. Eustatius’ director of tourism. “The first thing we have to start pushing is the tranquility envelope. Come to Statia and unplug. The Internet is here—fast Internet, too—but we prefer you come and unplug.”
Are you interested in traveling here for work or vacation? Travel agents have access to huge savings you’d never find booking on your own. Enter your email below and one of our expert travel agents will be happy to help you save money!
Wellness tourism represents “a big opportunity” for St. Eustatius said Sallie Fraenkel, founder and director of the Mind Body Spirit Network, a New York-based wellness travel consulting firm. “Natural resources here are so deep,” Fraenkel said. “You have an amazing antidote to stress being through the roof.”
For a small place—Oranjestad is not only the capital, it’s the island’s only town—Statia boasts a variety of invigorating activities, including 36 dive sites and more than a dozen hiking trails. One headline attraction is The Quill, the dormant, 2,000-foot volcano which lords over the island’s southern half.
From “town,” the summit can be easily reached in under an hour; you’ll want to allow another two hours, however, to explore The Quill’s inner crater, which is home to a spectacular tropical rainforest. The island also holds appeal for birdwatchers, with 32 native species.
“What’s unique is that it’s easy to walk to the birds,” Lindo says. “It’s not a big island where you have to plan to travel to a sanctuary. Having so many species on a little island like this, on any given day, I can see eight to 10 species in my yard.” Three endangered sea turtle species—the leatherback, the green turtle, and the hawksbill—are known to nest on the island and make themselves known to divers.
St. Eustatius can also claim more protected historical monuments per square mile than any other Caribbean island: 119 in total. In Oranjestad’s downtown—“Upper Town”—the remnants of Honen Dalim, the second-oldest Jewish synagogue in the New World, are steps from the recently-restored Fort Oranje, with its stunning overlook of the Caribbean. Two quaint museums, the Berkel Family Plantation and the Simon Docker House, preserve earlier eras of Statian life.
Diving accounts for the majority of the island’s tourist arrivals, which last year numbered about 10,500. Caradonna Adventures, a Longwood, Fla.-based agency specializing in adventure travel, offers seven-night dive packages to St. Eustatius from $1,059 per person.
The island’s entire coastline is under the jurisdiction of St. Eustatius National Parks, known as STENAPA, which enforces stringent rules designed to protect the marine habitat.
Divers can explore more than a dozen shipwrecks in Oranje Bay, many hiding treasures of antique glass, porcelain and other relics like the “blue beads” that once served as currency for the island’s slaves. But they can’t do it alone—the presence of a licensed local instructor is required on all dives.
St. Eustatius’ understandably limited dining scene has also seen some encouraging additions. Whale Tails, a sleekly-designed restaurant at Knippenga Estate, recently opened to rave reviews. On the last Thursday of every month, the stalls outside Mike Van Putten Youth Centre are the site of Taste of the Islands, an international smorgasbord which highlights the surprising diversity of Statia’s populace.
Recent editions have featured vendors serving dishes from Suriname, Montserrat, St. Kitts and Nevis, the Dominican Republic, St. Maarten, Portugal, China and Colombia as well as Statia itself, with all meals going for five bucks.
The barrier blocking St. Eustatius’ tourism sector from further growth is accessibility. At present, the island is serviced by one commercial airline, WinAir. All connections are routed through St. Maarten.
Most tourist arrivals to Statia are from Europe. However, the island has seen a modest increase in visitors from North America over the last three years, Lindo says. For now, that’s just fine. “We don’t want mass tourism anyway. We want to keep it nice and quaint: The Caribbean’s hidden treasure.”

source: https://theroyalfare.com/the-best-kept-caribbean-secret-is-emerging-from-tourism-obscurity/
submitted by ktrekker to TravelProfessionals [link] [comments]


2018.09.29 14:13 Oblique9043 The HUGE Significance of 11/14 or 11/5

After my last post about Regulus and bringing up the Nov 14th date spoken about in the Trackdown - End of the World Episode again, I started doing some more digging. It's important you read that post before you can understand this one. You can find it here.

The name of the asteroid that occulted the star Regulus for 14 seconds on March 20, 2014 was called 163 Erigone.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/163_Erigone
163 Erigone is an asteroid from the asteroid belt and the namesake of the Erigone family of asteroids that share similar orbital elements and properties. It was discovered by French astronomer Henri Joseph Perrotin on April 26, 1876, and named after one of the two Erigones in Greek mythology.
Erigone is a relatively large and dark asteroid with an estimated size of 73 km. Based upon its spectrum, it is classified as a C-type asteroid, which indicates that it probably has a carbonaceous composition.
2014 occultation of Regulus
In the early morning hours of March 20, 2014, Erigone occulted the first-magnitude star Regulus as first predicted by A. Vitagliano in 2004. This would have been a rare case of an occultation of a very bright star visible from a highly populated area, since the shadow path moved across New York state and Ontario, including all five boroughs of New York City. Observers in the shadow path would have seen the star wink out for as long as 14 seconds.
However, heavy clouds and rain blocked the view for most if not all people on the shadow path. The website of the International Occultation Timing Association does not list any successful observations at all.
Two single chord Asteroid Occultation events have been observed, in 2013 and 2014

The fact that no one actually witnessed it is REALLY interesting and must play some sort of dynamic to all of this.

The name Erigone seems to refer to 2 different Greek goddesses

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erigone_(daughter_of_Icarius))
Icarius was cordial towards Dionysus, who gave his shepherds wine. They became intoxicated and killed Icarius, thinking he had poisoned them. His daughter, Erigone, and her dog, Maera, found his body. Erigone hanged herself over her father's grave. Dionysus was angry and punished Athens by making all of the city's maidens commit suicide in the same way. Erigone was placed in the stars as the constellation Virgo.
According to Ovid, Dionysus "deceived Erigone with false grapes", that is, assumed the shape of a grape cluster to approach and seduce her.

Dionysus was the god of winemaking. He was responsible for the growth of the vines.

John 15
"I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

Sounds like this one is associated with an Antichrist like Figure pretending to be Jesus since wine represents his blood.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erigone_(daughter_of_Aegisthus))
Erigone would have been slain by Orestes along with her brother Aletes if not for the intervention of Artemis, who rescued her and made her a priestess in Attica. In some stories, she hangs herself after the child is born, though this may be a confusion with Erigone, daughter of Icarius. Also, after Hermione died, she is said to have married Orestes and gave birth to Penthilus. Or it is said she sued Orestes to murder of her parents.

Orestes murdered his own mother then went crazy. Satan/Yahweh have other gods related to them where they are rejected by their mothers or don't have one, which is why they are narcissists who hate women and why we he kicks Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden (Mother Nature) and curses women to be subservient to men (read more about this idea here). Revelation speaks of the Red Dragon trying to kill a newborn baby and the woman who birthed him. She then goes somewhere in the wilderness, where God held a place for her until its time. God in this story apparently, is Artemis or Diana. She's not dead, she's just hiding until Orestes (humanity) attones for what he did. This stuff correlates to so much more, I might have to make another post just about this.

I came across this date (11/14) towards the beginning of my journey and I never went back looking into it because it felt like a dead end besides a couple of VERY key significances. Nov 14th is both the day the "Great Comet" is discovered in 1680 and the day that Einstein presented his Quantum Theory of Light in 1908. Looking at this list now, I see WAY more correlations with this to the point it's getting ridiculous. And it seems this date is a sort of pendulum point in time because we have instances of people winning their freedoms, overtaking governments and rulers being killed and we have instances of enslavement, attacks and new kings getting crowned. I wonder which way Earth is going to go in this timeline. Also important to note 11/14 = 1 + 4 = 5 = 11/5 = 1 + 1 + 5 = 7

"Remember, Remember the 5th of November"

Transitions and Abuses of Power


1380 King Charles VI of France crowned at age 12
1698 Spanish king Carlos appoints grandson prince Jozef Ferdinand as heir
1863 Nathan Bedford Forrest is assigned to command of West Tennessee
1881 Charles J. Guiteau put on trial for the assassination of US President Garfield
1881 Leon Gambetta forms French government
1907 The Third Duma (Parliament) meets in Russia; following Tsar Nicholas II's limiting of the franchise, a conservative majority holds sway and suppresses the radical elements
1908 Liberal candidate Jose Miguel Gomez wins national elections for president in Cuba
1915 Tomáš Masaryk demands independence for Czechoslovakia
1918 Republic of Czechoslovakia created with Tomáš Masaryk as its 1st president
1919 Red Army captures Omsk, Siberia
1920 The Russian Bolshevik army occupies Sebastopol, ending anti-communist attempts to regain the government of Russia
1921 The Communist Party of Spain is founded
1922 German Reichs Chancellor Joseph Wirth's term ends
1935 FDR proclaims Philippine Islands a free commonwealth
1935 Nazis deprive German Jews of their citizenship
1942 Last Vichy-French troops in Algeria surrender
1945 Java: Sutan Sjahrir appointed as forming government
1952 Greek General Alexander Papagos wins elections
1954 Egyptian President Naguib resigns, state of emergency declared
1956 Hungarian revolt put down by Soviet invasion
1957 The Apalachin Meeting outside Binghamton, New York is raided by law enforcement, and many high level Mafia figures are arrested
1965 US government sends 90,000 soldiers to Vietnam
1966 Muhammad Ali TKOs Cleveland Williams in 3 for heavyweight title
1971 Enthronment of Pope Shenouda III as Pope of Alexandria
1980 Guinee-Bissau Premier Vieira fires President Luis Cabral
1984 Zamboanga City mayor Cesar Climaco, a prominent critic of the government of Philippine President Ferdinand Marcos, is assassinated in his home city.
2001 War in Afghanistan: Afghan Northern Alliance fighters takeover the capital Kabul
2017 Armed forces drive through streets of Harare, Zimbabwe a day after military says its prepared to step in after removal of vice-president Emmerson Mnangagwa

1959 "Girls against the Boys" closes at Alvin Theater NYC after 16 performances

This seems to imply we'll be at union with both the masculine and the feminine. But all of these events seem to be polar opposites so who knows. It almost seems like women are going to take over and we're trading places. Like Dumuzid and Inanna. If this is the coming of the True Antichrist, then it won't be good and balance will not be achieved through them.

Disasters and Attacks


1775 -15] Floods ravage Dutch coast provinces
1927 World's largest gas tank in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, explodes; 28 die
1938 Dutch DC3 crashes at Schiphol, 6 die
1939 Oil refinery fire kills 500 & destroys Lagunillas, Venezuela
1940 During WW II, German planes destroy most of Coventry, England
1941 British aircraft carrier Ark Royal sank in Mediterranean, having been torpedoed by a German submarine the day before
1941 Governr-General Wouters of Dutch Antilles refuses Jews refuge
1942 -Nov 15th) Japanese/US sea battle at Savo-Island in Guadalcanal
1946 Dutch Dakota flight to Schiphol crashes, kills 11
1959 Kilauea's most spectacular eruption (in Hawaii)
1960 2 passenger trains collided at high-speed killing 110 (Czech)
1960 Riot due to school integration in New Orleans
1970 Marshall U football team wiped out in DC-9 air crash at Kenova, West Virginia, killing 75
1980 US performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site
1985 Volcano Nevado del Ruiz Colombia erupts, 1000s killed
1990 France performs nuclear test at Mururoa atoll
1990 Great Britain performs nuclear test at Nevada Test Site
1990 Philippines hit by typhoon, 110 die
2016 7.8 earthquake cuts off town of Kaikoura, New Zealand, raising sea bed by 4m, and killing 2 people


Currency Issues


1931 Ottawa Mint Act is proclaimed in Britain
2002 Argentina defaults on an $805 million World Bank payment.
2008 Italy plunges into recession, its first since the start of 2005, after GDP contracts a steeper-than-expected 0.5% in the third quarter
2008 Hong Kong becomes the second Asian economy to tip into recession, its exports hit by weakening global demand
2008 Eurozone officially slips into recession for the first time since its creation in 1999, pushed down by recessions in Germany and Italy
2008 Elizabeth Warren is appointed to chair a Congressional Oversight Panel for the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act
2009 The National Statistical Service of Greece states that the country has been in recession since the beginning of the year
2012 A series of protests against austerity measures occur across Europe including Spain, Portugal, and Greece


TV Shows/Movies/Plays/Books


1851 "Moby-Dick" by Herman Melville first published by Harper and Brothers in the US
1883 "Treasure Island" by Robert Louis Stevenson is first published as a book by Cassell & Co.
1894 Start of Sherlock Holmes "Adventure of Golden Pince-Nez" (BG)
1905 David Belasco's "Girl of Golden West" premieres in NYC
1908 Oscar Strauss' musical "Der tapfere Soldat" premieres in Vienna
1945 H Lindsay and R Crouse's "State of the Union" premieres in NYC

"The play's events... allude to Wendell Willkie, the utility company head who became the surprise Republican candidate for president in 1940. 'This is a play about a businessman who is a dark-horse candidate.'

1952 First regular UK singles chart published by the New Musical Express
1960 Ray Charles' "Georgia On My Mind" reaches #1

I said Georgia, GeorgiaA song of you (a song of you)Comes as sweet and clearAs moonlight through the pine

1964 "Fade Out-Fade In" closes at Mark Hellinger NYC after 199 performances
The show spoofs some of the great film stars of the era, such as Shirley Temple and Bill "Bojangles" Robinson, and Governor is based on MGM honcho Louis B. Mayer, known for his roving eye for pretty starlets and deep-seated nepotism.

1964 "Folies Bergere" closes at Broadway Theater NYC after 191 performances
1964 "Oliver!" closes at Imperial Theater NYC after 774 performances
A workhouse in Dunstable, England is visited by the wealthy governors who fund it. While a sumptuous banquet is held for them, the barefoot orphan boys who work there are being served their daily gruel. They dream of enjoying the same "Food, Glorious Food" as their masters. While eating, some boys draw straws to see who will ask for more to eat, and the job falls to a boy named Oliver Twist. He goes up to Bumble and Widow Corney, who run the workhouse and serve the gruel, and asks for more. Enraged, Bumble takes Oliver to the governors to see what to do with him ("Oliver!"). A decision is made to have Oliver sold into service. Bumble parades Oliver through the snow, trying to sell him to the highest bidder ("Boy for Sale"). Oliver is sold to an undertaker named Mr. Sowerberry, who intends to use him as a mourner for children's funeral
1965 "Baker Street" closes at Broadway Theater NYC after 313 performances
1965 George Abbott Theater (Adelphi, 54 St) at 152 W 54th NYC, demolished
1968 U.S. premiere of film version of Morris L. West's best seller "The Shoes of the Fisherman"
1973 "Good Evening" opens at Plymouth Theater NYC for 438 performances
1976 "Network", directed by Sidney Lumet, starring Faye Dunaway, Peter Finch and William Holden, premieres in Los Angeles and New York City (Finch - Academy Awards Best Actor 1977)

This one warrants reading the entire plot as it fits too perfectly. Even ending with the assassination of the main character.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Network_(1976_film))
Network is a 1976 American satirical film written by Paddy Chayefsky and directed by Sidney Lumet, about a fictional television network, UBS, and its struggle with poor ratings
1981 "Raise!" 11th studio album by Earth, Wind & Fire is released (Billboard Album of the Year 1982) Event of interestEvent of Interest
1987 "La Cage aux Folles" closes at Palace Theater NYC after 1761 performances

La cage aux folles literally means "the cage of mad women". However, folles is also a slang term for effeminate homosexuals (queens).

1991 Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video premieres on FOX TV
1993 "Kentucky Cycle" opens at Royale Theater NYC for 34 performances
1993 "Twilight of the Golds" closes at Booth Theater NYC after 29 performances
1993 Puerto Rico votes against becoming the 51st US state
1996 "Chicago" opens at Richard Rodgers Theater NYC
1997 Disney's "Lion King" sets Broadway record of $2,700,000 daily sale
2000 Geddy Lee releases his first solo album, “My Favourite Headache”
2002 Film "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" is released, based on the second book by J. K. Rowling
2006 "Casino Royale", 21st James Bond film premieres in London, starring Daniel Craig for the 1st time and Eva Green, premieres in London
2012 "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2", based on the book by Stephenie Meyer, directed by Bill Condon, starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, is released
As ridiculous as this sounds, this might be the most relevant of all. I can't fit it all here, so just go here and read about the plot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twilight_Saga:_Breaking_Dawn_%E2%80%93_Part_2#Plot

Her daughters name literally means "born again". Someone gets told they don't live in the world they think they do. Her child get persecuted and they gather "witnesses" to testify for her. The 2 witnesses in Revelation? The correlations here are crazy. Especially with the idea I've heard that everything man exalts, God hates and vice versa. So Pagan and witches seem to be implying something here.

2016 "Moana" animated Disney film directed by Ron Clements and John Musker with voices by Auli'i Cravalho and Dwayne Johnson premieres in Los Angeles
On the Polynesian island of Motunui, the inhabitants worship the goddess Te Fiti, who brought life to the ocean, using a pounamu stone as her heart and the source of her power. Maui, the shapeshifting demigod and master of sailing, steals the heart to give humanity the power of creation. However, Te Fiti disintegrates, and Maui is attacked by Te Kā, a volcanic demon, losing both his magical giant fishhook and the heart to the depths.
A millennium later, Moana, daughter of Motunui's chief Tui, is chosen by the ocean to return the heart to Te Fiti. However, Tui arrives and takes Moana away, causing her to lose the heart.

Space & Exploration Related


1524 Francisco Pizarro begins his 1st great expedition, near Colombia
1792 Captain George Vancouver is first Englishman to enter San Francisco Bay

Something to do with Pope Francis? Either Jesuit takeover of America or destruction of the Catholic church would be my guess.

1910 1st airplane flight from deck of a ship, Norfolk, Virginia

Another first involving flying vehicles

1922 BBC begins daily radio broadcasts from the 2LO transmitter at Marconi House

Implying contact

1923 Kentaro Suzuki completes his ascent of Mount Iizuna.

1969 Apollo 12 (Conrad/Gordon/Bean) launched for 2nd manned Moon landing

We just announced we're sending people back to the moon

1981 2nd Space Shuttle Mission-Columbia 2-returns to Earth

The 2nd space shuttle, Lady Liberty, RETURNS to Earth

1983 First cruise missile placed at Greenham Common, England

Those missiles were guided by light

1984 Astronauts aboard "Discovery" pluck a 2nd satellite from orbit

More references to a 2nd moon or "satellite". With "Discovery" plucking one from orbit.

1984 NASA launches NATO-3D

Implying this 3D world was "launched" or created?

1994 Space shuttle STS-66 (Atlantis 13), lands

Atlantis? 13 is the mother again.

2012 CFBDSIR 2149-0403 is discovered, the closest rogue planet to earth (100 light-years away)

This is a giant indicator.


Scandals


1550 Pope Julius III proclaims new seat on Council of Trente

Apparently he was fucking his "adopted nephew" which was a big scandal for the Catholic Church

1943 J Postma, C Schalker, D Goulooze arrested for leading illegal CPN

CPN scams involve social security numbers and escaping bad credit.

1991 American and British authorities announce indictments against two Libyan intelligence officials in connection with the downing of the Pan Am Flight 103

Russia downed a flight and I don't think anyone has indicted them yet

1986 SEC imposes a record $100 million penalty against Ivan Boesky

Fined for insider stock trading, the highest fine ever at the time for a single person.

2002 The United States House of Representatives votes not to create an independent commission to investigate the September 11 attacks

Now this is VERY interesting. Trump has repeatedly said he would expose 9/11 and I've had this theory for a while that he would use this information to end the investigation and take complete power.

1976 War criminal Pieter Menten captured 1 day after fleeing

He was a Nazi. A Dutch writer was involved in his capture. I'm noticing a lot of references to the Dutch. Apparently they were very complicit in atrocities of Nazi Germany and they had the highest percentage of Jewish deaths in Western Europe, 75% of them died. A lot of Nazi's actually hid out in these areas to avoid capture. The Little Baron Trump books say he changed his name to a Dutch name. Trump himself lied and said his father was Swedish. I think it's pretty obvious what this means.


Miscellaneous


1666 Samuel Pepys reports on 1st blood transfusion (between dogs)

Almost seems like an illusion to genetic manipulation. The Greeks called the city where they worshiped the Egyptian god of the Underworld Anubis, the "city of the dog". Jesus referred to a Canaanite woman as a dog once. Trump also called Omarosa a "dog". Keeping with my theory that almost 100% of the negative things Trump says about a person are projection, which means he's really talking about himself, this is very interesting. Especially with his love for Black and Gold color schemes on his "Towers" which is very Egyptian. Ramses II also had red hair. Which means he was an Edomite. Ramses II is mentioned specifically on Cleopatra's Needle, one of which is a mile away from the black inverted obelisk that is Trump Tower. Ramses II sounds an AWFUL lot like Trump. Loved to build monuments to himself and over exaggerated his accomplishments. He is very revered though and thought of as a great Pharaoh, according to what was written about him at least.

1675 Pope Clemens X declares Gorcumse martyrs divine

They were 19 Catholics who were killed for being Catholics

1832 First streetcar (horse-drawn) (John Mason) debuts in NYC; fare 12 cents rode on 4th Avenue between Prince and 14th Sts

The Mars Rover was literally just driven around NYC


1896 Power plant at Niagara Falls begins operation

Implying a new power or power source is coming?

1967 The Congress of Colombia in commemoration of the 150 years of the death of Policarpa Salavarrieta, declares this day as "Day of the Colombian Woman"

Columbia was originally a name for the goddess of America, which is essentially Lady Liberty. If the Messiah really is coming, this is implying it's a woman.

1969 2nd Vietnam Moratorium Day in US

This was a sit in to protest the Vietnam war

1972 Dow Jones closes above 1,000 for 1st time (1003.16)

This seems to be a good thing

1973 Canada begins production of Olympic coins

The Olympics was the celebration of the Triumph over the first gods, the Titans. Although its just a sham to fool the people into thinking they are free now when the old gods just changed shape into new ones. Like the Phoenix being reborn.

1975 Spain, Morocco and Mauretania sign accord about Spanish Sahara

Spain gave up land due to pressure from the UN

1976 "Don't Step on My Olive Branch" closes at Playhouse NYC after 16 performances

This is a play about Israel. Olive branches represent peace

1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat repeats willingness to visit Israel to Walter Cronkite

Interesting. Egypt is a metaphor in the Bible for a place of struggle as well as being a real place.

1981 Old Dutch Windmill in Golden Gate Park repaired and working again

Apparently this is just one of 2 different ones. The other one called Murphy which is on the west side of the GOLDEN GATE Park.

1982 Polish Solidarity chairman Lech Wałęsa freed

Just gonna have to read about this one for yourselves, it's very relevant.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lech_Wa%C5%82%C4%99sa

1990 Michael Heseltine contests Margaret Thatcher's leadership of the British Conservative Party

A challenge to the conservative party

1991 Cambodian Prince Norodom Sihanouk returns to Phnom Penh after thirteen years of exile

13 is associated with the mother principal of the soul. She's been in exile, represented by getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden.

2001 OPEC announces that it intends to cut its crude oil output quotas by 1.5 million barrels per day effective, but only if non-OPEC producers cut their output by 500,000 barrels per day as well

Oil shortage coming?

2007 the last direct-current distribution by Con Edison was shut down.

Is this indicating the power will be cut off or is it a metaphor for humanity itself?

Children's Day is celebrated on the 14th of November in India as a tribute to Jawaharlal Nehru, who was born on November 14, 1889. Jawaharlal Nehru, who was fondly called Chacha Nehru or simply Chachaji, was known for his love for children. On this day, chocolates and gifts are often distributed among children, while schools organize different events such as debates, and music and dance performances. It is also a common practice to distribute gifts like clothes, toys and books to orphan children on this day.
submitted by Oblique9043 to TheGreatDeception [link] [comments]


2018.08.02 00:47 Texas1971 Carollaisms (August)

Carollaisms (August)

Band Names/Rap Stars

Mitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)
ManAyz - Rap star (LL)
D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)
Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)
Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)
Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)
Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)
Gut Fluffer (ACS)
Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)
Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)
Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)
Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)
Narthex - (ACS)
Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)
Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)
The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)
Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)
3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)
Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)
Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)
Jizz Grenade (LL)
Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)
Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)
Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)
Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)
Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)
White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)
Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)
Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)
Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)
Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)
Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)
MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)
Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)
Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)
Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)
Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)
SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)
Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)
Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)
Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)
Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)
Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)
Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)
Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)
Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)
Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)
Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)
Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)
Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)
Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)
Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)
Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)
Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)
One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)
Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)
Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)
Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)
The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)
King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)
Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)
Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)
Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)
Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)
Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)
Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)
The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)
Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)
Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)
Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)
Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)
Sophistry - A great Carol King album (ADS)

Song Titles

Meatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)
Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)
White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)
Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)
No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)
Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)
Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)
Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)
Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)
That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)
Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)
Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)
12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)
Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)
Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)
Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)
I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)
Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)
Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)
Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)
Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)
People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)
Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)
Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)
Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)
Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)
Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)
Anal ipecac - Good indie band (ACS)
2 Tits and a Pulse - Ace likes that Beck song (Bryan/Adam) (ACS)

Football Players/Athletes/Teams:

Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)
L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)
DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)
DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)
Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)
N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)
Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)
Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)
Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)
Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)
Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)
Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)
Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)
Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)
Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)
Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)
Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)
Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)
Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)
Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)
Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)
Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)
Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)
Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)
Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)
Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)
Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)
Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACS
Hardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)
Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)
Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)
World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)
LBJ - Worst Mexican wrestler name ever (ADS)
Cold stone Steve Austin - Can’t wrestle on hot days. Tag team partners with the Klondike twins (GS)
Cicely Tyson - Greatest Italian boxer of all time. (ADS)

Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:

Spoodini - (LL)
Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)
No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)
Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)
Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Kindle Fire (ACS)
Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)
Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)
Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)
Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)
Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)
The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)
Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)
Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)
Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)
Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)
Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)
Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)
Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)
Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)
Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)
Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)
Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)
Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)
38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)
Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)
Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)
Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)
Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)
Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)
Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)
Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)
Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)
Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)
Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)
Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)
Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)
Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)
Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)
The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)
Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)
Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)
Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)
Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)
The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)
Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)
Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)
Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)
Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)
Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)
Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)
Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)
Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)
Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)
Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)
Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)
Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)
Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)
Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)
Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)
French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)
Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)
Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)
Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)
Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)
The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)
Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)
Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)
Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)
Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)
Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)
Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)
Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)
The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)
73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)
Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)
Madison Bear - Sounds like an dating app for gay hairy dudes who are married (ACS)
Back pay - Good porn title name (ACS)

Miscellaneous People

Trajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)
Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)
Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)
Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)
Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)
Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)
Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)
Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)
Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)
Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)
Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)
Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)
Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)
Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)
Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)
Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)
Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)
Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)
Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)
Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)
Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)
Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)
Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)
MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)
Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)
Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)
Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)
Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)
Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)
Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)
Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)
Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)
Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)
Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)
Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)
Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)
F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)
Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)
Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)
Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)
Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)
Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)
Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)
Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)
Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)
LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)
Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)
Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)
Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)
La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)
C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)
Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)
Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)
Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)
The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)
MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)
Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)
Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)
The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)
Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)
Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)
Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)
Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)
Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)
Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)
Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)
Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)
Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)
Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)
Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)
Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)
Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)
Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)
Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)
Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)
D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)
Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)
Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)
Beulah - The town horror (RD)
Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)
Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)
Root Ball Grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)
Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)
Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)
Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)
Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)
Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)
Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)
Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)
Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)
Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)
Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)
Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)
Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)
Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)
Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)
Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)
Merch Galore - Worst Bond secretary ever. Total sellout. Always wearing her own swag (GS)
Bathroom Goalie - New code for fat chicks sitting next to you on an airplane (ACS)
Skip Loader -Kurt Loder’s older brother (ACS)
F. Me Money - greatest attorney rapper ever (RD)

Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio Stations

Gum and Condoms - (Show?)
Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)
Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)
Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)
Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)
Almonds and Water (ACS)
Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)
Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)
Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)
Fungus and Mold (Show?)
Stupid and Petty (Show?)
Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)
Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)
Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)
Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)
QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)
Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)
The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)
Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)
Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)
Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)
Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)
Mother Trucker - Adam’s Podcast with caller Miguel (AOTH)

Places

Boobville - (LL)
Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)
Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)
Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)
Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)
Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)
Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)
Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)
NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)
Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)
Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)
Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)
Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)
Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)
Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)
Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)
Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)
Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)
Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)
Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)
Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)
L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)
Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)
The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)
Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)
Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)
Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)
Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)
Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)
Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)
The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)
Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)
Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)
C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)
Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)
Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)
Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)
The Mexican Faire - Worst fair ever (ACS)
Hanoi Hospice - Only place worse than the Hanoi Hilton (ACS)
Kaleblazer- Gay juice bar (ACS)
Hot Dog Cannon - good name for a bar next to The Abbey (ACS)
Dyskeratosis - where Vinnie lives, lots of Greek folks, a family oriented community (ACS)
Kind of, Italy - Where Ace’s family is from. Where he gets his kinky hair. (ADS)

Miscellaneous

Cleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)
Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)
The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)
Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)
RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)
Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)
Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)
Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)
Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)
Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)
El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)
Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)
Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)
American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)
E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)
Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)
SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)
Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)
Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)
G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)
Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)
Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)
The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)
Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)
Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)
Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)
Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)
Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)
Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)
Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)
My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)
Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)
Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)
Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)
Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)
Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)
Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)
Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)
Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)
Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)
Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)
The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)
Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)
Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)
Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)
Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)
Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)
Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)
Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)
Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)
Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)
Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)
USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)
Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)
Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)
Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)
Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)
Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)
Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)
Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)
Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)
Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)
4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)
Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)
The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)
Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)
The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)
Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)
UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)
Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)
Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)
Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)
Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)
Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)
Sexual Battery - Batteries especially made for sexual devices. Somewhere between AA and C (ACS)

Food/Drinks

Deer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)
Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)
Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)
Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)
Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)
Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)
Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)
Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)
Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)
GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)
University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)
Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)
Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)
Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)
Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)
Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)
GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)
Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)
Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)
Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)
Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)
Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)
Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)
Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)
Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)
Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)
Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)
Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)
Son of Goose - Worst vodka ever. Comes in a plastic squeeze bottle (ACS)
Orange Hitler - Worst Hi-C flavor ever (ACS)

TV Shows/Movies

Cunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)
Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)
Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)
Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)
Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)
Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)
Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)
Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)
Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)
Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)
Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)
Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)
Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)
Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)
Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)
Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)
Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)
Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)
Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)
Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)
Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)
Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)
Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)
Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)
Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)
Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)
Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)
Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)
Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)
Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)
2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)
So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)
Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)
Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)
LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)
Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)
The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)
The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)
Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)
Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)
Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)
Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)
Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)
Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)
Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)
Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)
Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)
Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)
Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)
Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)
Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)
L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)
Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)
Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)
Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)
Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)
Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)
Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)
Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)
Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)
Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACS
Nanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)
Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACS
Nick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)
Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)
The Baldwin’s and Beyond -Great reality show (RD)
The Rogue Deuce - The next Star Wars movie (ADS)
Mr. Goodbar To The Rescue - Ace loves that movie (ACS)
Wrestling Squatters - New show on YouTube Red starring Eric Stromer (AOTH)

Books/Coffee Table Books

Dade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)
Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)
Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)
Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)
Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)
Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)
You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)
Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)
You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)
I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)
Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)
Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)
Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)
From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)
(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)
I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)
Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)
Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)
Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)
Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)
Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)
Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)
What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)
Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)
In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)
Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)

Native American Names

Chief Thunderbear (LL)
Dances With Cocks (ACS)
Dances With Lipstick (ACS)
Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)
Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)

V/P Names

Absorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)
Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's G
Cmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)
City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s V
No Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)
Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)
The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)
Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)
B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)
El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)
Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)
El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
Port of Karachi - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
submitted by Texas1971 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]


2018.07.01 15:40 Texas1971 Carollaisms (July)

Carollaisms (July)

Band Names/Rap Stars

Mitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)
ManAyz - Rap star (LL)
D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)
Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)
Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)
Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)
Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)
Gut Fluffer (ACS)
Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)
Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)
Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)
Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)
Narthex - (ACS)
Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)
Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)
The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)
Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)
3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)
Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)
Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)
Jizz Grenade (LL)
Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)
Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)
Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)
Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)
Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)
White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)
Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)
Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)
Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)
Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)
Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)
MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)
Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)
Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)
Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)
Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)
SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)
Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)
Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)
Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)
Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)
Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)
Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)
Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)
Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)
Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)
Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)
Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)
Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)
Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)
Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)
Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)
Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)
One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)
Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)
Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)
Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)
The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)
King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)
Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)
Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)
Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)
Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)
Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)
Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)
The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)
Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)
Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)
Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)
Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)
Sophistry - A great Carol King album (ADS)

Song Titles

Meatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)
Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)
White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)
Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)
No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)
Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)
Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)
Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)
Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)
That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)
Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)
Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)
12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)
Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)
Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)
Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)
I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)
Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)
Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)
Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)
Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)
People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)
Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)
Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)
Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)
Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)
Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)

Football Players/Athletes/Teams:

Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)
L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)
DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)
DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)
Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)
N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)
Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)
Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)
Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)
Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)
Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)
Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)
Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)
Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)
Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)
Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)
Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)
Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)
Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)
Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)
Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)
Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)
Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)
Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)
Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)
Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)
Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)
Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACS
Hardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)
Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)
Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)
World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)

Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:

Spoodini - (LL)
Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)
No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)
Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)
Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Kindle Fire (ACS)
Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)
Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)
Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)
Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)
Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)
The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)
Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)
Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)
Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)
Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)
Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)
Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)
Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)
Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)
Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)
Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)
Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)
Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)
38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)
Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)
Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)
Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)
Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)
Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)
Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)
Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)
Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)
Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)
Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)
Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)
Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)
Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)
Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)
The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)
Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)
Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)
Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)
Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)
The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)
Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)
Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)
Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)
Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)
Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)
Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)
Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)
Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)
Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)
Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)
Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)
Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)
Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)
Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)
Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)
French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)
Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)
Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)
Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)
Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)
The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)
Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)
Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)
Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)
Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)
Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)
Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)
Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)
The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)
73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)
Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)
Madison Bear - Sounds like an dating app for gay hairy dudes who are married (ACS)

Miscellaneous People

Trajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)
Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)
Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)
Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)
Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)
Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)
Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)
Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)
Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)
Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)
Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)
Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)
Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)
Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)
Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)
Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)
Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)
Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)
Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)
Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)
Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)
Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)
Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)
MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)
Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)
Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)
Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)
Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)
Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)
Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)
Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)
Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)
Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)
Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)
Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)
Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)
F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)
Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)
Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)
Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)
Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)
Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)
Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)
Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)
Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)
LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)
Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)
Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)
Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)
La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)
C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)
Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)
Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)
Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)
The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)
MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)
Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)
Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)
The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)
Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)
Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)
Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)
Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)
Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)
Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)
Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)
Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)
Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)
Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)
Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)
Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)
Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)
Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)
Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)
Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)
D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)
Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)
Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)
Beulah - The town horror (RD)
Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)
Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)
Root ball grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)
Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)
Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)
Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)
Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)
Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)
Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)
Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)
Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)
Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)
Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)
Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)
Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)
Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)
Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)
Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)
Merch Galore - Worst Bond secretary ever. Total sellout. Always wearing her own swag (GS)

Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio Stations

Gum and Condoms - (Show?)
Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)
Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)
Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)
Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)
Almonds and Water (ACS)
Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)
Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)
Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)
Fungus and Mold (Show?)
Stupid and Petty (Show?)
Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)
Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)
Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)
Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)
QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)
Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)
The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)
Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)
Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)
Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)
Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)
Mother Trucker - Adam’s Podcast with caller Miguel (AOTH)

Places

Boobville - (LL)
Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)
Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)
Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)
Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)
Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)
Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)
Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)
NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)
Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)
Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)
Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)
Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)
Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)
Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)
Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)
Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)
Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)
Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)
Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)
Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)
L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)
Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)
The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)
Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)
Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)
Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)
Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)
Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)
Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)
The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)
Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)
Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)
C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)
Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)
Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)
Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)
The Mexican Faire - Worst fair ever (ACS)
Hanoi Hospice - Only place worse than the Hanoi Hilton (ACS)
Kaleblazer- Gay juice bar (ACS)
Hot Dog Cannon - good name for a bar next to The Abbey (ACS)
Dyskeratosis - where Vinnie lives, lots of Greek folks, a family oriented community (ACS)

Miscellaneous

Cleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)
Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)
The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)
Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)
RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)
Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)
Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)
Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)
Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)
Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)
El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)
Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)
Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)
American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)
E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)
Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)
SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)
Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)
Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)
G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)
Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)
Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)
The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)
Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)
Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)
Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)
Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)
Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)
Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)
Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)
My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)
Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)
Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)
Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)
Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)
Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)
Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)
Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)
Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)
Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)
Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)
The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)
Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)
Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)
Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)
Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)
Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)
Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)
Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)
Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)
Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)
Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)
USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)
Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)
Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)
Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)
Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)
Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)
Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)
Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)
Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)
Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)
4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)
Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)
The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)
Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)
The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)
Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)
UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)
Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)
Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)
Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)
Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)
Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)

Food/Drinks

Deer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)
Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)
Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)
Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)
Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)
Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)
Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)
Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)
Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)
GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)
University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)
Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)
Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)
Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)
Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)
Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)
GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)
Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)
Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)
Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)
Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)
Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)
Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)
Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)
Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)
Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)
Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)
Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)
Son of Goose - Worst vodka ever. Comes in a plastic squeeze bottle (ACS)
Orange Hitler - Worst Hi-C flavor ever (ACS)

TV Shows/Movies

Cunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)
Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)
Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)
Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)
Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)
Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)
Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)
Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)
Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)
Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)
Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)
Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)
Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)
Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)
Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)
Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)
Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)
Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)
Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)
Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)
Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)
Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)
Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)
Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)
Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)
Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)
Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)
Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)
Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)
Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)
2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)
So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)
Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)
Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)
LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)
Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)
The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)
The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)
Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)
Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)
Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)
Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)
Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)
Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)
Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)
Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)
Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)
Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)
Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)
Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)
Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)
L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)
Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)
Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)
Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)
Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)
Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)
Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)
Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)
Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)
Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACS
Nanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)
Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACS
Nick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)
Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)
The Baldwin’s and Beyond -Great reality show (RD)
The Rogue Deuce - The next Star Wars movie (ADS)

Books/Coffee Table Books

Dade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)
Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)
Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)
Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)
Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)
Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)
You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)
Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)
You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)
I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)
Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)
Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)
Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)
From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)
(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)
I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)
Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)
Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)
Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)
Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)
Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)
Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)
What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)
Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)
In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)
Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)

Native American Names

Chief Thunderbear (LL)
Dances With Cocks (ACS)
Dances With Lipstick (ACS)
Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)
Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)

V/P Names

Absorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)
Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's G
Cmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)
City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s V
No Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)
Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)
The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)
Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)
B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)
El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)
Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)
El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
submitted by Texas1971 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]


2018.06.03 08:18 peterboykin Carollaisms J(une)

Carollaisms J(une)
Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms (June)Band Names/Rap StarsMitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)ManAyz - Rap star (LL)D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)Gut Fluffer (ACS)Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)Narthex - (ACS)Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)Jizz Grenade (LL)Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)Song TitlesMeatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)Football Players/Athletes/Teams:Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACSHardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:Spoodini - (LL)Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)Kindle Fire (ACS)Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)Miscellaneous PeopleTrajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)Beulah - The town horror (RD)Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)Root ball grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio StationsGum and Condoms - (Show?)Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)Almonds and Water (ACS)Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)Fungus and Mold (Show?)Stupid and Petty (Show?)Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)PlacesBoobville - (LL)Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)MiscellaneousCleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)Food/DrinksDeer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)TV Shows/MoviesCunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACSNanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACSNick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)Books/Coffee Table BooksDade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)Native American NamesChief Thunderbear (LL)Dances With Cocks (ACS)Dances With Lipstick (ACS)Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)V/P NamesAbsorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's GCmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s VNo Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)Submitted June 02, 2018 at 02:21PM by Texas1971 https://www.reddit.com/AdamCarolla/comments/8o2hxt/carollaisms\\\\\\_june/?utm\\\\\\_source=iftttvia /AdamCarollaSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 02:48PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o2oh9/carollaisms\\\\\_june/?utm\\\\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNewsSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 05:23PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o3pnj/carollaisms\\\\_june/?utm\\\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNewsSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 07:18PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o4g7v/carollaisms\\\_june/?utm\\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNewsSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 08:13PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o4scx/carollaisms\\_june/?utm\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNews
Submitted June 02, 2018 at 10:08PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o5gh3/carollaisms\_june/?utm\_source=ifttt
via /MagaFirstNews
submitted by peterboykin to MagaFirstNews [link] [comments]


2018.06.03 04:08 peterboykin Carollaisms J(une)

Carollaisms J(une)
Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms (June)Band Names/Rap StarsMitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)ManAyz - Rap star (LL)D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)Gut Fluffer (ACS)Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)Narthex - (ACS)Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)Jizz Grenade (LL)Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)Song TitlesMeatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)Football Players/Athletes/Teams:Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACSHardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:Spoodini - (LL)Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)Kindle Fire (ACS)Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)Miscellaneous PeopleTrajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)Beulah - The town horror (RD)Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)Root ball grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio StationsGum and Condoms - (Show?)Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)Almonds and Water (ACS)Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)Fungus and Mold (Show?)Stupid and Petty (Show?)Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)PlacesBoobville - (LL)Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)MiscellaneousCleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)Food/DrinksDeer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)TV Shows/MoviesCunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACSNanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACSNick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)Books/Coffee Table BooksDade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)Native American NamesChief Thunderbear (LL)Dances With Cocks (ACS)Dances With Lipstick (ACS)Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)V/P NamesAbsorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's GCmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s VNo Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)Submitted June 02, 2018 at 02:21PM by Texas1971 https://www.reddit.com/AdamCarolla/comments/8o2hxt/carollaisms\\\\\_june/?utm\\\\\_source=iftttvia /AdamCarollaSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 02:48PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o2oh9/carollaisms\\\\_june/?utm\\\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNewsSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 05:23PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o3pnj/carollaisms\\\_june/?utm\\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNewsSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 07:18PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o4g7v/carollaisms\\_june/?utm\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNews
Submitted June 02, 2018 at 08:13PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o4scx/carollaisms\_june/?utm\_source=ifttt
via /MagaFirstNews
submitted by peterboykin to MagaFirstNews [link] [comments]


2018.06.03 02:13 peterboykin Carollaisms J(une)

Carollaisms J(une)
Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms (June)Band Names/Rap StarsMitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)ManAyz - Rap star (LL)D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)Gut Fluffer (ACS)Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)Narthex - (ACS)Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)Jizz Grenade (LL)Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)Song TitlesMeatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)Football Players/Athletes/Teams:Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACSHardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:Spoodini - (LL)Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)Kindle Fire (ACS)Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)Miscellaneous PeopleTrajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)Beulah - The town horror (RD)Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)Root ball grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio StationsGum and Condoms - (Show?)Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)Almonds and Water (ACS)Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)Fungus and Mold (Show?)Stupid and Petty (Show?)Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)PlacesBoobville - (LL)Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)MiscellaneousCleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)Food/DrinksDeer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)TV Shows/MoviesCunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACSNanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACSNick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)Books/Coffee Table BooksDade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)Native American NamesChief Thunderbear (LL)Dances With Cocks (ACS)Dances With Lipstick (ACS)Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)V/P NamesAbsorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's GCmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s VNo Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)Submitted June 02, 2018 at 02:21PM by Texas1971 https://www.reddit.com/AdamCarolla/comments/8o2hxt/carollaisms\\\\_june/?utm\\\\_source=iftttvia /AdamCarollaSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 02:48PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o2oh9/carollaisms\\\_june/?utm\\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNewsSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 05:23PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o3pnj/carollaisms\\_june/?utm\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNews
Submitted June 02, 2018 at 07:18PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o4g7v/carollaisms\_june/?utm\_source=ifttt
via /MagaFirstNews
submitted by peterboykin to MagaFirstNews [link] [comments]


2018.06.03 01:18 peterboykin Carollaisms J(une)

Carollaisms J(une)
Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms (June)Band Names/Rap StarsMitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)ManAyz - Rap star (LL)D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)Gut Fluffer (ACS)Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)Narthex - (ACS)Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)Jizz Grenade (LL)Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)Song TitlesMeatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)Football Players/Athletes/Teams:Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACSHardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:Spoodini - (LL)Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)Kindle Fire (ACS)Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)Miscellaneous PeopleTrajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)Beulah - The town horror (RD)Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)Root ball grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio StationsGum and Condoms - (Show?)Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)Almonds and Water (ACS)Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)Fungus and Mold (Show?)Stupid and Petty (Show?)Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)PlacesBoobville - (LL)Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)MiscellaneousCleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)Food/DrinksDeer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)TV Shows/MoviesCunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACSNanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACSNick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)Books/Coffee Table BooksDade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)Native American NamesChief Thunderbear (LL)Dances With Cocks (ACS)Dances With Lipstick (ACS)Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)V/P NamesAbsorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's GCmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s VNo Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)Submitted June 02, 2018 at 02:21PM by Texas1971 https://www.reddit.com/AdamCarolla/comments/8o2hxt/carollaisms\\\_june/?utm\\\_source=iftttvia /AdamCarollaSubmitted June 02, 2018 at 02:48PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o2oh9/carollaisms\\_june/?utm\\_source=iftttvia /MagaFirstNews
Submitted June 02, 2018 at 05:23PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o3pnj/carollaisms\_june/?utm\_source=ifttt
via /MagaFirstNews
submitted by peterboykin to MagaFirstNews [link] [comments]


2018.06.02 23:23 peterboykin Carollaisms J(une)

Carollaisms J(une)
Carollaisms J(une)Carollaisms (June)Band Names/Rap StarsMitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)ManAyz - Rap star (LL)D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)Gut Fluffer (ACS)Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)Narthex - (ACS)Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)Jizz Grenade (LL)Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)Song TitlesMeatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)Football Players/Athletes/Teams:Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACSHardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:Spoodini - (LL)Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)Kindle Fire (ACS)Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)Miscellaneous PeopleTrajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)Beulah - The town horror (RD)Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)Root ball grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio StationsGum and Condoms - (Show?)Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)Almonds and Water (ACS)Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)Fungus and Mold (Show?)Stupid and Petty (Show?)Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)PlacesBoobville - (LL)Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)MiscellaneousCleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)Food/DrinksDeer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)TV Shows/MoviesCunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACSNanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACSNick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)Books/Coffee Table BooksDade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)Native American NamesChief Thunderbear (LL)Dances With Cocks (ACS)Dances With Lipstick (ACS)Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)V/P NamesAbsorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's GCmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s VNo Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)Submitted June 02, 2018 at 02:21PM by Texas1971 https://www.reddit.com/AdamCarolla/comments/8o2hxt/carollaisms\\_june/?utm\\_source=iftttvia /AdamCarolla
Submitted June 02, 2018 at 02:48PM by peterboykin https://www.reddit.com/MagaFirstNews/comments/8o2oh9/carollaisms\_june/?utm\_source=ifttt
via /MagaFirstNews
submitted by peterboykin to MagaFirstNews [link] [comments]